How would you handle this?
My future ss14 sucker threw a football at my head yesterday hard and then walked into the house laughing about it. I have a really good relationship with this boy otherwise and he's never done this before. My fiancé saw it and said something quiet and ineffectual to him (he never apologized nor was he asked to by his dad). There is a custody battle going on and his ex wife is trying to get the kids more so I know he's afraid of upsetting the kids so that they'll want to be with their mother more but I feel that this was very rude behavior and that my fiancé should've addressed it immediately. Anyway I asked my fiancé to come back out on the porch and I told him nicely that I feel he should've taken the boy aside and talked to him about manners and had him apologize. A friend that I just bounced this off of told me that I have no right to tell him "how to parent his kids" and that boys are going to do that and that ss14 is "messed up from the divorce" and to let this go. (for what it's worth she is the new mother of an infant and has no other children or step kids).
I'm not angry at my stepson or my fiancé. I just think that manners can and should be taught regardless and that it should've been handled differently.
Thoughts?
Fuck that. I'd move out. He
Fuck that. I'd move out. He essentially allowed his son to assault you while he stood by and did nothing about it.
(I'm not having a good weekend.)
Now that the kid knows he can
Now that the kid knows he can deliberately hurt you with no consequences he will. Get out!!! That was the first act of abuse. There will be more.
We'll maybe if I'm being
We'll maybe if I'm being totally honest here I am irritated and frustrated. And when it first happened I was pissed.
Good advice! Your right. I
Good advice! Your right. I was shocked and I needed to speak up for myself. I'm sensitive to this custody situation too and I want him to have his kids. But this can't go on. What is COD?
If my brother or I had thrown
If my brother or I had thrown a football with force at my dad's wife's head he would have knocked me/bro/us out cold. DH should have knocked his rude POS teen son TF out right then and there.
That he didn't just shows the ball-less wonder POS that he is.
IMHO of course.
Nothing pisses me off more than adults who coddle these ill behaved POS children of divorce or any ill behaved POS kid for that matter. Or adult!!! Poor and unacceptable behavior should never be tolerated and parents must meet this bullshit behavior from their children or SKids with the fullest possible consequences including corporal punishment when necessary.
A teen male who is aggressive to a woman needs his ass knocked out cold by his father IMHO.
Our father let us know in no uncertain terms that our mother was his bride which meant that any physical aggression or disrespect toward her would be met with completely unpleasant consequences. Mom and dad raised smart boys. We never tested dad's resolve on his commitment to his wife (our mom).
That your SS even tried this tells me that your DH has failed not only as a husband and as a father but as a man.
Time to change the locks and put non man DH and his POS kid on the curb.
As for the "friend" you spoke with about the incident who told you that you had no business interfering with how your DH parents his son ... time to upgrade your friends and make sure not to include any idiots in the new friend pool.
If anyone throws something at
If anyone throws something at you, you should react. It doesn't matter if that person is a kid or an adult. By remaining silent and waiting for dad to come to your rescue, you just showed the kid that you are weak and unable to stand up for/ protect yourself. Not a good look.
You do not have a right to
You do not have a right to tell him how to parent.
You DO have a right to expect (demand, even) to be treated with respect.
A bioparent's "right to parent" ends at the point the step-parent's rights are violated.
Just because my dh has a right to parent does NOT mean he can allow sd to play with my jewelry, speak disrespectfully to me, bring food into my car, etc.
You have the right to set boundaries about how you are to be treated just as you would for any person- child or adult.
Yes, divorce can have negative effects on kids- no it is not okay to use this to excuse bad behavior.
If it were me, I would let this one go, but have a conversation with dh that when his kids do something hurtful- physically or emotionally- in the future you expect him to say something and you expect an apology. I would question dh about it this way- if it had been a different person ss had done this to- his teacher, a friend of the family, an aunt, the mailman, etc- how would dh have handled it? I would guess he would have told ss to apologize. If he says that's what he would do- ask him WHY you deserve less respect?
This is actually very common. For some reason smoms are supposed to put up with being treated in ways the parents would NEVER tolerate from the child towards other people.