how much power does BM really have?
hey all,
What are your thoughts on the following?
So DH and BM are going back to court because BM requested a readjustment of CS due to her having another baby (not working to stay home with baby)
I had told DH I wanted to go back to school in Sept 2017, the agreement was because I was eligible for a scholarship/lost my job recently and got a package (found a new one since), and that amount would cover the mortgage for the length of the program, was that he would cover the rest for the length of school (after my program I would make more money so it would benefit the family) DH currently does some contract jobs on weekends, added to his regular full-time job, which he won't be able to do while I'm in school, because I will need him to take care of the kids. When DH and I met, he had a trade, in 8.5 years he has managed to get a bachelor's degree, and will be done his Master's in June (and is halfway thru a 2nd grad degree)of course, all this with my help, money, taking care a kids and skid...which I did happily (no resentment) because it would benefit our family...and of course assuming it would one day be my turn...
Now DH tells me that because of BM not working anymore to stay home with baby, he will not be able to afford me going to school...(CS where I live is based on income of both parents, her having no income raises or cs)and he says he won't be able to give up his sideline contracts because he needs to fund BM...As I was fuming because, for 1, I have 2 small children with DH, and have to work full time to afford things, while she can take DH to court because she has another kid (3rd kid from 3rd father, not DH's child) Our lawyer apparently also said that because I am already educated and have a job, it's not like I have to go to school, so DH can't claim hardship due to me going to school...I didn't say claim hardship, but if she can stay home to raise her kid, why can't I go to school? (and pay cs as if she was still working, why are we paying for this?) and then I'm thinking...DH has to fund BM, but am I not also his baby mama? Does he not have to fund me as well??? Does BM really have this much control on my life???? Or is he just not willing to make financial sacrifices for ME???? thanks for your input
Yep, the whole system is
Yep, the whole system is geared towards the one who produced the first baby. Sucks, doesn't it?
sucks the bag indeed...
sucks the bag indeed...
you raise a good point..I'm
you raise a good point..I'm not sure (yet ) how far I'm willing to go to make sure this happens...it's early still, but because I will have to plan in advance before going to school ( try to save up a little in case of an emergency) and because I am one of those people who over plans, it bothers me that DH is even considering that I should not go back to school...the salary increase would benefit the family, plus with the scholarship, it will help alot...I guess I can't believe (he might just have said this out of frustration) that because BM is throwing this our way, that this is his solution...you're right it's not so much about BM (she's not helping the cause) it's about DH reacting to BM's demands...
BM is actually an LPN (licensed practical nurse) and although I would not let her care for my dog ( I love my dog to bits!) she is legally allowed to care for humans..it took her 5 years to complete the damn course (where I live it's 18 months)! (after she had ss, she was working for MIL , who ended up letting her go so she could get unemployment and get government help to go back to school) so she got unemployment because she was in school, so DH was paying huge child support, because she was not working, plus she took us to court at her leisure as with no income, lawyer fees are covered....all thanks to MIL...
Trapeze lessons??? lol i can
Trapeze lessons??? lol i can actually imagine her asking...she has that much imagination...I am hoping we can come up with a solution... thank you for reminding me I matter...I sometimes forget!
Your answer on "power"
Your answer on "power" depends on where you live.
A friend's husband had the x wife take him to court for more child support. Ex had quit her higher paying job to take a job that was 'more fulfilling', but the income was half of what she previously made.
Judge told her that the lower income was her choice and did not increase child support.
I'm in Canada...I've looked
I'm in Canada...I've looked into some jurisprudence, it seems to depend on the judge...sigh...
Where in Canada? In AB, CS
Where in Canada? In AB, CS goes by a chart based on what the non custodial parent earns and how many children they have together. I've never heard of a BM getting more from the father of her first child because she's had another child with someone else.
Unless his income goes up she shouldn't get more from him. She should get CS from the new baby daddy.
In QC of all places (the only
In QC of all places (the only province that uses different laws for CS)here it is based on income of both parents, how many children, and the difference between available income, the idea being the kid keeps the same standard of living in both homes...I am all for DH paying CS, but the fact she refuses to work a decent amount of hours ( she won't do evenings, nights...when you work in a hospital, and it's only been a year, you're suppose to have no choice and take what's coming...)her man works 25 hours a week delivering mail...
http://www.justice.gouv.qc.ca/english/publications/generale/modele-a.htm
She lives with baby daddy 3 (for now)
DH is the father of her 2nd child not first (but baby daddy 1 works construction, makes sure never to claim more than 22 000 a year, and works under the table for the rest)
In all Provinces and
In all Provinces and Territories in Canada, table Child support is based on the NCP's income only. I highly doubt your DH will have his child support increased because of the BM's choice to have another child with another man. She will be expected to seek child support from the father of that third child.
The only time a court will change the table amount is for undo hardship and I highly doubt choosing to stay at home to raise another mans child is considered undo hardship.
If your lawyer told you differently, then retain another lawyer.
If your DH told you this, then he is feeding you crap.
Below is a link to calculate what table amount your husband should pay for his child.
The table amount does not include section 7 expenses.
http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/child-enfant/look-rech.asp
I'm in QC, the only province
I'm in QC, the only province that uses a different table
(we have a provincial table that is different than the rest of Canada, as it it based on both parents' income, and the percentige of available income each parent earns...the bigger span between DH and BM's income, the more DH pays)When one parent's income changes it affects CS...my lawyer did not say that is was a done deal CS would change but a judge could decide either way...
http://www.justice.gouv.qc.ca/english/publications/generale/modele-a.htm
In the rest of Canada, is CS tax deductible? in QC it is not (just wondering...)
Well that just sucks.... I do
Well that just sucks....
I do hope the courts look at this BM of yours and perhaps input an income on her.
No child support is not tax deductible for support agreements made after 1997 and the custodial parents get the money tax free.
yes earning my own (even if I
yes earning my own (even if I wanted not to, which I would never do, we could not afford me not working..)when I calm down I'll look into a plan...assuming this happens...
1st your attorney is an
1st your attorney is an idiot.
2nd the ex's decision to stay home should not effect the amount your DH pays because this new baby is nit his child.
The argument your attorney should make is they made a decision as a couple for her to stay home. When they made that decision he in effect accepted financial responsibility for ALL her obligations. Therefore if she wants to re-do CS, the amount attributed to her should be based on her partners salary.
Is this how it works in the
Is this how it works in the US? where i live, they only look at partner's income if wants to reduce cs for hardship (like if dh wanted to reduce because i'm in school this would not work) or if BM wanted an increase because her bf is not working...the was it was explained was that bm can stay home because bf works, but as cs is calculated with a chart, DH would pay more because the idea is for ss to maintain the same lifestyle in both homes...it's wierd...mind you the judge could refuse...we will have to see
Unfortunately the answer to
Unfortunately the answer to the question of BM power has several answers. In many places she has much power. Regardless of where she lives in my opinion the most effective way to mitigate the inappropriate behaviors adn manipulations by the blended family opposition is to confront them each and every time they step out of line.
Where do you live?
I think you should shop for a killer shark attorney who knows their ass from a hole in the ground and dump the moron you currently are paying for nothing.
This is DH's issue, not yours. Go to school, tell DH that he is going to have to figure it out, stop catering to his X, and remind him that if he thinks supporting one baby mama and brood of kids is expensive he should consider what it would cost him to provide that same level of support for two.
Go to school.
LOLOLOLOL I actually never
LOLOLOLOL I actually never thought of telling him this (the supporting 2 baby mamas...) but I like it! as a last resort
I guess I just wanted a response (from DH) more along the lines of : yes babe we will make it happen...this BM is something...now that she sees DH is annoyed with her cs crap, she's telling us SS is too busy to come over this weekend...I so don't feel like making a whole bid legal case everytime...can't she just be normal?????
I live in Canada (QC) it's a very bio mom friendly place...
I will, it's a good
I will, it's a good idea...thanks
I'm not sure as she pulled
I'm not sure as she pulled this crap before ( it took her 5 years to complete a course that is done in 18 months usually, she was receiving unemployment at the time, courtesy of MIL hiring her for 6 months and letting her go so she could screw the system...for 5 years DH paid CS based on her income of nothing...)she had been working part time for a year then got preggo...so I'll have to look into this...we're in a bio mom friendly place...
thanks for the kind
thanks for the kind supportive words...at a time when my own DH is being less than supportive, this means a lot