It's important that you and DH meet in the middle regarding parenting. I think it's great to let her come to you, but when she's acting out, you should be able to say something to her and DH needs to back you up.

I didn't start disciplining until a couple of years ago. Previously, there had been NO disciplining going on from either DH or BM. I finally said enough and went to my counselor, who suggested a stepfamily-specializing therapist who said that this is not good for the SDs and I too should be able to discipline for stuff too.

I had to find a way to let the skids come to me while still being able to discipline. I wouldn't ask them if they wanted to do stuff with me. I let them ask me about that. But I also started to correct them when they acted out.

Well, I'm at 2 years and just started. Its never too late. Whatever SO/DH will support and you agree with, go with it.

I started about 7-8 months after moving in too and only when DH asked me to at first. Since then, we have slowly grown together on our parenting style. I had to make him feel really sure that I trusted his decisions and discipline at first. Now, he's seeing the validity in how I wanted to do it, after his ways have failed a few times. It took me a while to get there and lots of patience. I don't think it's ever too lte to say "This is my house too. You need to treat me with some respect."

I never discipline his and he doesn't do mine. Works better for us that way. I end up "tattling" and that works for us.

I started right from the get go...I am very firm but vary fair..and my SD respects that. She knows that I love her and this is her home and we are a family here. Her dad and I are on the same page so she cant play us against each other.

At the end of the day we want a peaceful home. My SD is very different at BM's house but I dont care how she behaves there because we have no control over how she behaves there but that behaviour will not be tolerated with us...

So that said you are the mother figure in your home...and that's that...Z

the first night I met them. I was so disgusted with how there was NO discipline at all! I showed DH HOW to deal with things because he was clueless - his mommy let his girls get away with everything because she only had boys. It was terrible. Not to mention - she is like a straighleg, mom jean wearing, no make up - no hair - chainsmoker who burps and farts out loud and she owns one pair of shoes...she STILL rolls her eyes when I make the girls sit with their knees together when wearing dresses...USE their napkins...sit at the table until they are done eating, etc. I have only smacked one once - it scared me and I decided I have no right to spank them (DH disagrees) but I just put them into timeout where they can't see the TV or speak to anyone...They get 10 minutes and IF they have a tantrum before hand or argue with me - they get an extra 5 for every strike...they can sit there ALL damn day if they think they will get away with anything ; ) hahaha I figure they need a mom figure...and their mother is just a BFF...and I always say, "You may HATE me now - but you'll thank me later..." oh yeah - then they go home and forget everything they learned...hahah

Me and my Fiance moved in together pretty quickly after meeting, about a month and half later. We moved in last summer and he had his kids the entire summer, obviously prior to moving in I met his kids and we did things together alot. I didn't start to really discipline them until about 2 months after we moved in together. His kids come from an environment where their BM does not discipline at all, their Father did most of the disciplining. I didn't have children at the time and had very little patience for rowdy kids running through my home doing whatever they pleased. So I had to put my foot down and lay the ground rules right away. It's been over a year and my Fiance and I are expecting our first together and I noticed that I have been even more hard on them lately. Not sure if it's due to hormones and no patience or if I'm entering the parent mode?? His kids are the type of kids that when you tell someone they are coming over, they typically sigh because they are very hard to handle. We have both been extremely strict with them, they are 5 and 7. I feel if you don't set the tone now, forget about doing it later. They now know the rules and for the most part they listen and the moment they get out of hand, they go on punishment (which they hate and try to avoid).