How to get SO to be reasonable...
It seems that some guys are accepting of their SO feelings towards their kids. I cannot stand my SO son and it really sucks because I feel like what I am willing to give the kid (respect and acceptance) isn't enough for my SO. I have never lied to my SO and have told him how I feel about his child. A lot of the time I feel like he is trying to force a family situation when one does not and will not exist. I believe he feels guilty that his son comes from a broken home and while that is a bummer it is not my fault. I love my guy and I'd love to get married and have children with him but I just don't want to feel pressured into feelings I don't have for his BS.
I myself came from divorced parents (worked out very well though thanks to my awesome parents) but I have a SM who I just now am starting to like and she's been in my life since I was twelve! I believe relationships cannot be forced and its extra hard when I am being asked to "like" the product of my guy and some other women...(a piece of sh*t women at that).
Any ideas on how to express my feelings in a way he might understand? I'll take any suggestions, preferably realistic ones!!!
Some of our SO's do not get
Some of our SO's do not get this, they just expect us to love their kids. Its crazy that they believe this, but its true. My SO is the same, he was devastated when I mentioned I dont love SD, and if he knew how much I do not care for this kid he would be brokenhearted. She is not my child, I barely know her, so why would you expect me to have those feelings for her just because she is your child?
I absolutely think time is
I absolutely think time is the biggest issue! We want to move forward but we are kind of stuck in place (well it feels that way at times) because he wishes I would feel the way he does for his son (which I don't and never will)! I believe my SO understands but I feel I need to keep my comments to myself (and share them here). I know he knows how I feel and that I hope with time things fall into place. But being forced (which is how I feel) makes me loath the kid even more. I homestly do try to see where he is coming from but I dont have my own kids so its hard. O agine I'd be very distraught if my SO said the negatibe things I habe about his son to me....but I also look at my Dad who never forced us on my SM or visa versa, he only asked that we show respect. i believe that is a realistic baseline and things can go smoothly if everyone can manage that. Who knows if things will change but I'm okay with them if they don't. It's taken me more than a decade to sort of like my Dads wife so I know what time can do! I appreciate your thoughts!