My SS and I have a really great relationship, we have always been very close and we have a very special bond. I have been in SS's life since he was under a year, and I've always tried to make sure I didn't overstep my boundaries with BM, etc. I didn't involve myself in decisions, I NEVER shared my thoughts or opinions with BM (even though sometimes I would really like to) and I have always encouraged SS to have a good relationship with his mom. Because of that BM and I have never fought directly with one another.

Of course BM and DH have poor communication. They were never really in a functioning relationship before SS came into the picture, so it's no surprise that they struggle daily with one another and coming to agreements on SS (even though it's been 7 years now).

When SS was younger, I never really involved myself with anything that BM was at. I would go into a different room when she would come to pick up SS, I wouldn't go with DH to any functions that BM would be at, and I certainly never struck up conversations with her if we were forced to be in the same room. My mom and step mom fought horribly and I always felt guilty if I showed love for one, in front of the other. So when I started dating DH and I told myself that I would never make SS feel like that, and the only way that made sense to me, was to avoid her at all costs. Well I was stupid for thinking that was possible long term.

Once SS started school and sports activities, I knew I didn't want to miss out on those experiences so I slowly started going along to them. BM and I got along fine and I realized that I could be involved in his life and be around BM without being a raging B***H like my step mom was.

.....Now fast forward two years! I now do it all. I sign SS up for all of his sporting activities, before and after school programs. I'm the one on top of his schedule at school, making sure he gets to where he needs to be, communicating with the school and his teachers, the list goes on. And surprisingly BM is ok with it, she seems to be happy she doesn't have to do any of it, DH is glad because he doesn't have to do it....SS is happy because he's involved in all the activities he wants to be. It's gotten to the point where BM texts me, asking what size clothes and shoes SS wears, what holidays are her's, etc.

Now taking on all of this has dramatically reduced (although not eliminated) the fighting between BM and DH, which is a great thing, especially for SS....but I'm starting to feel like their personal secretary and mediator.

While I don't mind signing him up for sports and things, I've noticed that the role I'm playing right now has made me much more vulnerable. Especially when they fight. Because I'm so much more involved, when things go badly, or when BM pulls her typical BS, I find that I cannot seem to escape the frustration. DH takes the arguments in stride, like whatever no big deal, I know they affect him more than that, but it doesn't show. While I find myself still stewing about it two days later. I'm having a really hard time separating myself from the drama and frustrations and it's starting to cause me a lot of stress and anxiety.

I know if I stop doing all these things for SS, BM and DH will never make time to get it done and therefore SS will suffer. But I feel like if I keep being their "personal secretary" I'm going to lose my mind. I know I only have myself to blame for even letting it get to this point. I just care for SS so much, that I want him to have the best life possible and I find myself putting his needs before my own.

Is it possible for me to put it in reverse and see if DH and BM are capable of picking up the pieces and being the responsible parents they need to be?

Does it make me a bad person/parent for wanting to take a step back from this?

Maybe I just need to take a vacation...by myself