How do i handle my fiancee´s ex wife, I think she is jealous we are getting married
She call him at 7 am on weekends; now she uses her 6 year old kid for sending messages to him as well (on her cell phone), she is always trying to victimize herself, and she usually treats him very bad on the phone (i really think this is the way she always treated him since ever, she is the kind of person who thinks she is always right, don't begin a discussion with her because it will be endlessss), is she jealous because we are getting married?, is she just trying to loose my nerve... I am very patient, i know i have to deal very good with these being smarter than her, but sometimes believe me i want to tell her ... many thingsss... since i think he just feels sorrow for her.
I don't even know her, i hope we dont' have a bad relationship, i want to do my best for not to.
I will aprecciate your opinions.
If the hunch you're getting
If the hunch you're getting is jealousy, you might be right. Some exes simply, for whatever reason on god's this green earth, can not and will not let their ex partners move on. BMs (Bio/Birth Moms) are particularly clingy because they feel entitled. They, after all, birthed a child for the man, so all should bow down. How does your fiancee react to her early morning phone calls? Does he try to set boundaries?
First off~ WELCOME! Most of
First off~ WELCOME!
Most of us here have been through exactly what you described in your post. Angry ex wives, either mad that their ex's have moved on, or afraid that the new stepmom is going to show them up, and be a better mom than they are. How do we deal with it?? Well... we come here and vent about, as to not drive our husbands and boyfriends (and wives) insane. I know with my DH for the longest time, he was just trying to NOT cause waves, and he gave in to BM's every little request. It got old, even for him... and he has put a major stop to it. With it all, it takes time.
Can I ask a few questions?
How long have you been together?
How many kids? Just the 6 year old?
Did BM know about you before the engagement? Or was it sprung on her?
What's the custody like? 50/50?
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
of course she's jealous!
of course she's jealous! but --- fuck her
early weekend calls, turn the ringer off.. or call her ass at 5:00 am to see what's up.... go pee and then turn the ringer off
***giggle*** DISbelief~ ~You
***giggle***
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Misfit, I notice he feels a
Misfit, I notice he feels a little uncomfortable because I am there listening.. he’s thinking maybe: “ wow, I don’t know how to handle these in front of Mar (me)” it seems his reaction is like: “I feel bad but I don’t know or I don’t want to do anything about it”, because maybe he thinks he will just make it worst, because of the way she is?, or maybe he just feels guilty?. About your other question Misfit, the answer is: he doesn’t set any boundaries.
DISbelief, exactlyy, I don’t want to drive him/her insane, hahaha. When I read your message, I remembered that sometimes I think there will be a moment he will stop her, but as you experienced it, I think it will take some time
Answers to your questions :
We have a year together
They had 2 boys, 6 year old, and the other from past relationship 17 year old (he adopted him as his kid, and he really loves him as his own)
Yes, she knows about me only 3 months before the engagement
Yes, custody is 50/50
Thank you goforit, you are very right
Well starfish, steperg, you know what I was thinking today, that somedays I will answer the phone (because I always let him answer because I know´s her since its 7 am ) and I will tell her, he is sleeping, you want to leave a message, I think that will let her know I’m his future wife, and I can get his phone calls, since we both are in bed, and that he won’t be available all the time
Thank you, thank God I found these web page!
Very very good advices, XoXo
Mar74, I know this doesn't
Mar74, I know this doesn't excuse her behavior, but I think that most of us women are territorial creatures. That includes both BMs and SMs. It is just how we're wired as women. I think it's human to feel insecurities about your stepfamily situation. BMs might feel as though the SM is trying to take her place or one-up her as a mother figure. We SMs feel our insecurities too, as you will find on this blog. It's definitely ok and healthy to feel insecurities, but once they start affecting children's livelihoods, that's where I think people should seek professional help. Perhaps BM in your situation would benefit from professional help. I know that I have my insecurities in life, but I'm in counseling to help me deal with them.
I think it's natural for all women to feel territorial about those we have special connections to, especially our kids. Even though the BM might have been the one to leave DH. I think the best way to resolve that is for both women to get to know each other (provided that they can have a civilized and polite discussion) so SM can get to know BM and BM can get to know SM and will know that her kids, while with their father, are in the care of people who care about them. Have you tried to extend this olive branch? I did and I got my hand bitten off, but others have tried extending an olive branch to their skids BM(s) and sometimes it goes over well. You might find yourself pleasantly surprised and find that BM takes you up on your offer.
Plus, how long have they not been together? I think that may impact the situation as well.
I had a similar situation
I had a similar situation with my ex MIL (I kid you not!) and so she was told that we are not morning people and so don't like being called that early unless it's urgent. From then on when ex would answer first question was "Is it urgent?" if not he hung up. If she bluffed yes then started waffling he would tell her outright that it's not urgent, and then hang up.
Sure BM and your DP need to have a working relationship for the kids (50/50 will be much easier if they are able to talk) but it has to work for EVERYONE, not just her, could he set up a more appropriate time of the day for her to call? Does she need to call every day? These are things that he should be approaching with her directly and openly and calmly so that everyone is happy rather than hiding behind you by having you answer the calls (please don't think that I'm saying you shouldn't, but I can see that getting her hackles up if you are right and she is jealous!!).
I had this happen to me as
I had this happen to me as well. DH ex would call every 5 minutes when SS was with us...."Is he ok", "Did he eat", "Has be brushed his teeth", "Make sure he goes to bed at a decent hour".....at first I just laughed about it. I knew she was jealous and she didn't like the idea of a SM in the picture. Then when she started questioning DH about me, my family and my career.....I LOST it! He always pacifies the little bitch as to not cause problems but I was in the room and heard him answering personal questions about me! I told him he could give her my phone number if there was something she wanted to know! Of course he kinda gave me the eye...so I proceeded to yell (loud enough so she could hear me) that I was a professional by day and a hooker by night. That didn't really go over well but it got my point across....