hmm... wth?
FDH and I had an argument last night...the argument we had was because we've been trying to nip Fss4 pickyness in the bud and we've implemented a rule that we are to all eat at the same time and the same thing. We are no longer making him a special meal that is his "favorite" and he eats alone while he or I cook a different meal. Well things have been going okay but for the past few days he's reverted back to making seperate food for fss and serving him before we eat so I finally asked him why he was doing this and he flipped out saying that I'm being petty and what's wrong with just making him his own meals and serving him first.
We've made up but I'm still weirded out by a comment he made. During our disagreement he stated "This relationship is between me, you and Fss4"... At that point I was livid. I told him if he really thought that then I was done because I wasn't aware that I was in some strange 3-way relationship. We eventually calmed down and are no longer fighting but I don't even know what to think about this...
Yeah I don't get why these
Yeah I don't get why these kids have to be constantly catered to. My parents cooked one family meal. If my brother and I didn't like it, we had the choice of a peanut butter sandwich or nothing. I could never be a "short order cook" to my kid or SD14. Talk about spoiled!
So, did you bring up the fact that you're not comfortable with this arrangement and ask him why he's gone back to treating the kid like he's some sort of royalty at mealtime?
OOoh yeah, I told him why did
OOoh yeah, I told him why did we even come up with a plan if he wasn't going to follow thru. He said that he didn't understand why we had to eat together, that he didn't get what it had to do with the pickiness... all the while he was giving him something completely different yet was just riding the fact that he was serving him first.. He later admitted that he is being lazy and doesn't want to "deal" with his crying kid not getting what he wants. SMH....
Well at least he's admitted
Well at least he's admitted to being lazy. Tell him he's not being a PARENT by just giving the kid whatever he wants. Kids need to grow up learning that things aren't just handed to them on a silver fucking platter.
What's he teaching his son? Oh, throw a living shit fit and you'll get whatever you want! Wait till that kid hits teenage years and he starts REALLY pitching fits!
^^^THIS!^^^ Read my blog
^^^THIS!^^^
Read my blog below and see what happens at family gatherings when you have spoiled, picky eaters!
http://www.steptalk.org/node/94089
If he doesn't nip this now, you are in for a lot of meals where you can't eat together because DH is still cooking his precious poopsies their meals.
:sick:
Well said, thank you. I'm def
Well said, thank you. I'm def going to put it to him this way.
Good luck. If you make it a
Good luck. If you make it a "teaching" moment, he may not be so defensive and just may see your side of things.
^^^exactly. I want to enjoy
^^^exactly. I want to enjoy dinner with my spouse. It's turned into an ordeal at meal time because if fss doesn't get what he wants it turns into crying and then hyperventalating (sp??) and then into a bargain of "how many bites? 3 bites daddy??" I've attempted the whole "you figure out what you will with your kid." and fdh turns that into a match of 'well you don't care about me and my kid" ugh.
My exbf took his "first
My exbf took his "first family" out to eat most nights, which creates a problem when you let your child order off the kids menu every night...so I know the "how many bites, Daddy?" game you speak of. It is not a fun game. Especially when the child is now NINE! I absolutely hated having meals in the same home, especially when it was at my home and I was cooking. No lie, the little bitch came back in the kitchen with her plate saying, "I don't like this, Daddy," in her litttle baby voice. I said, "Do you realize how rude it is when you say something like that in front of the person who just spent all this time preparing it while you were off playing? And why would you bother, when you know he is going to make you eat it anyway?" I swear, this man uses candy, ice cream...whatever to bribe her into eating like two bites of anything healthy. Kinda defeats the purpose... idiots!
SD9 thinks she should be
SD9 thinks she should be catered to because that is what BM tells her. It sucks.
ughhh... that's why i want to
ughhh... that's why i want to nip this shit right away. I want him to know there are rules here.
I'm assuming this kids visits
I'm assuming this kids visits 2 out of 14 days. With that schedule its a waste of time to try and change anything about a kid. Obviously he gets what he wants at Mom's and even if you and Daddy are in agreement its always going to be a fight with the kid.
Working this alone, i.e., without Daddy on your side is worse than a waste of time its a one way ticket to the nut house. This is a harbinger of things to come of course. There is no way you're going to have any say in the raising of this kid. Even if he lives with you full time. Remember bio-mothers lose custody every day for various reasons including the children growing into adolescense and the bio mother becoming unable to keep the children.
Unless you're ready to live with a child whom you have no say over how they're going to be raised I suggest you give this relationship very deep reconsideration. And I have to ask: Why involve yourself with a guy who has children? No mention was made of you having children. Do you dream of having a perfect family with this guy, two children and a picket fence? Sorry but its going to be his kid and a bio-mother kicking the fence over every day for the rest of your life. Neither one really go completely away.
A million guys out there without children - go and find one and raise your own family. Please - we have too many people using this forum already.
There's an article somewhere
There's an article somewhere that says that families should eat meals TOGETHER because it promotes a healthier more comfortable relationship with children. I don't understand why these people don't get it - just like everyone else said - when we were growing up it was you eat what's given for you - or don't eat it all. Damn Disney Dad's...
We are/were rarely all home
We are/were rarely all home at the same time for dinner in the past few years...unless we eat at 8 o'clock at night. My husband has late hours, and all of my kids (SSs included) had extra curriculars almost every night of the work week and Saturday was sports day. Take advantage of it while you can, but realize that the "hot dinner on the table with everyone gathered 'round at 5:30 sharp" does not always work for everyone and the family dynamic changes as kids get older.
We have this food problem to this day at my house. I am not cooking 50 things for all the picky eaters in my house. If you don't eat what I cook, then you are on your own. I am not going to fight and argue with anyone over it. You can go hungry, or you can eat what is on your plate, I really don't care.
My H used to do this. He
My H used to do this. He would demand his daughter eat, then not follow thru. Or he would tell her nothing for the rest of the night and give her crap an hour later. Or fix her a special meal. Or go to mcdonalds for her before the rest us sat down to eat. He would also beg for my help with parenting and disciplining his daughter. Literally beg and tell me she was out of control(she was), and when I would do what he asked, he would accuse me of picking on her, of not liking her. Well, it's 6 years later. And there isn't much he can say. My kids are 9 and eat 99% of the time with no problem, the other 1% is just complaining but they eat anyways, they are normal weight children who eat everything. I give them a pass on cabbage, mushrooms and asparagus cuz I feel those do have a strong taste or texture in the case of mushrooms. His daughter is 10, in women's clothes, 4 feet 4 inches tall, and 125 lbs at least, she can barely zip up her winter jacket. I am 5'3, 125 lbs and she can't even fit my clothes. She can't get my jeans past her thighs. I fit into her clothes easy. And she's 10. He has given up, except for occasional comments like make better food choices, or this is why you can't zip up your jacket. Now he tells her she has to eat what I make or not eat at all. But after dinner she gets herself ice cream, cookies, chips, whatever, he says nothing. I don't give a shit. Except for the money aspect. And I do have a stash I hide. Save yourself years of grief that I went through. Forget about what the kid eats, he has a mother to handle that.