I sometimes still think there is a monster under the bed - which is why my dogs sleep with me. And I make sure all lights are on in the room, and I don't stand too close to the edge getting into bed. And I'm well over 4 1/2. Some fears never go away.

Here's a suggestion for your wife (and sd).

Before sd goes to bed, they could pull out some stuffed animals of hers and put them around her bed to help ease SDs fears.

What about some soothing music, white noise, books on tape?

Go to work late in the AM. When DW and the SKid(s) leave take the bed frame from under SD's bed and put it in the garage. When SD gets home show her how you took care of the monster problem. The mattress and box spring on the floor does not leave any room for monsters. }:)

Ya gotta get innovative to extricate some children from their mother's womb. Particularly when mommy is not wanting to give that final push and cut the cord and the kid is latched on to mommy's kidney.

Good luck.

I have an 10 year old who is often scared and anxious and has had sleep issues since she was a baby. I think it is a big mistake with these type kids to keep them out of your room. We tried that and it totally backfired, the problem just got worse. However, I don't advocate them coming into your bed and have never allowed my DD to do this. But she knows that anytime she is scared, she can come in our room and sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor next to our bed. We have asked her to try to do this without waking us up....sometimes she is successful and sometimes she does wake me but its no biggie, I just comfort her and help her into the sleeping bag. This has done a world of good for her, just knowing that she has the option. Save yourself a lot of grief and give your child this option. In the end it will be a much better outcome than trying to convince the child that there is "nothing to be afraid of" etc. We don't know what it feels like to be inside our children's bodies and minds. Negating their feelings is, imho, one of the most damaging things that can be done to a child. Plus, I'm guessing some of the sleep problems relate to the remarriage and the child adjusting to this.

In all seriousness I had a monster problem when I was a kid. I fixed it by recruiting my own team of monsters that watched over me while I slept. My good monsters were more than a match for the bad ones out there. Particularly our 120+lb jet black Belgian shepard that patrolled the hall between my parent's room, my little bro's room and my room.

My parents got me a purple stuffed dragon that would chase the monsters out of my room. They would pick the dragon up, scare all the monsters under the bed, in the closet, behind the door, etc...and then I would sleep cuddling the dragon. If I woke up in the middle of the night, my parents would go through the routine again. It kept me in my own bed, and I loved my dragon dearly.

Something like this may help you SD sleep soundly.

I was told to look under the bed and that was the end of that.

If all fails get ear plugs and sleep on the couch.

Better yet why are you putting yourself in this mess? With all the pretty young women out there postponing their families until after their and their future husbands careers are launched why don't you hook up with one of them?

Tell this girl you made a mistake, take the blame, you've just changed - its not anything she did. Now RUN. She'll get over it, the kid could care less, and you'll be able to raise your kids the way you want to with a woman who shares your parenting ideas. This woman doesn't probably because she's too young.

Im pissed thehell off and awake.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Because your wife is soothing her 4 year old kid for the SECOND time? You need to let your wife be a parent to that child and let her figure out how to get the kid sleeping good before you go of on a tangent about how mad you are because she is being a PARENT and not warming your bed.

Damn your post really rubbed me the wrong way.

I didn't read all the comments so if this was suggested I apologize however my 4 year old was scared of monsters as well. We got him a "frankie" what it is is a turtle that plays music and has lights on it's shell that display onto the ceiling. We told him Frankie was a "monster guard" and that if he had Frankie that no monsters could get him. Since then he hasn't had an issue. We got it at Target it was 25 bucks or so.

At the end of the day, the kid is 4. It's not an unusual fear at that age. If you're going to be mad - be mad at Mom, not the little kid. You don't want to sleep in a cold bed - why should she?

When my niece was young, I made her a magic wand to keep all bad things away. Worked like a charm.

When my SD was young and afraid of the dark, I wrote her a story about NOT being afraid of the dark. She still wanted to sleep with a flashlight sometimes but it was better than leaving all the lights on!

I think the idea of you sleeping in a guest room or something until your wife comes around is a good one. You could sit your wife down, and say something like "look honey, why don't we try such and such instead?" and see what she says. Try some of the ideas folks already mentioned - you know, like using some toy or song or whatever it might be and pretend it has special "powers" against monsters...then put her to bed. If she wakes up scared, she'll remember the toy will protect her or whatever, and hopefully that'll suffice. If mom can't handle that, then sleep in the guestroom or on the couch and tell your wife it's 'cause you appreciate her feelings, but you need your sleep and you don't feel her method is the best way to handle it. Honestly, it's just about practicality at this point - like you said - you need your sleep and there are other ways to fight "monsters" aside from having mom cave on the issue night after night.

Last weekend I was setting our home alarm in our bedroom. I suddenly felt that Freddy Krueger was going to reach from underneath my bed and snatch my feet. I jumped from where I was, accidentally landed in the laundry basket, cracked said basket fell and hit my head on the ironing board, and jacked me knee all up. I am 38 and my husband was in the room and I still freak out over Freddy Krueger. If it is midnight or around that time I won't look in a mirror. If someone says "redrum" I send myself into a panic.

My son wanted to sleep with me til he was about 6. There were nights when if I planned on getting any sleep at all my son had to sleep with me or vice versa. Don't get so mad about it, she's 4.

Not a scary or spooky story but ..... The closest I ever came to getting punched in the face by my amazing bride was at a grocery store. She had gone grocery shopping while I was working on my truck. I found that I needed a part and ran to the part store next to the grocery store. After I picked up the part I ran in to the grocery to get a cold drink. As I was walking to the register I found myself right behind my bride and the Skid who was sitting on the child seat in the cart. I gave the Skid the Shhhhhh! sign and then I grabbed my wife's butt. She spun around with a full swing roundhouse that I was prepared for so I ducked out of the way. Not a scary thing but it sure startled her.

The reaction of the people around us was the funniest thing. Several elderly men started laughing and their wifes smacked them then started cackling at me about how mean I was. }:)

It was fun and nearly 20 years later my DW and I get a laugh out of the memory.