Here we go again...
We thought it was done. We got the custody order all sorted out and the judge decided on the summer time dispute. Its been consistent drop off, pick up, deal with the adjustment, repeat. SD6 started therapy sessions to help process her feelings. As she is have many issues dealing with the back and forth. We have been doing the same old song and dance now for about a year. With everything being in black and white, we figured our problems would deminish with time. How silly of us.
After almost a year, we are going back to court. We were hoping we'd never have to go back, but here we are. And the stress is consuming me again. It seems change is never going to happen and I need to accept that. But how?
How can I accept that this little girl is told she isn't allowed to tell her dad or me how she's feeling? How can I accept that she isn't receiving the therapy sessions she needs while with her BM? (even though BM agreed to them) How can I accept that what's going on, though not abuse, can still have a very negative effect on her? How can I accept that regardless of how much I care about SD6, there is absolutely nothing I can do to improve the situation she's in?
I want to scream, cry. Anything to let it out. But I can't. I can't let SD6 see how deeply this effects me. I can't talk to BM directly to try and work through our issues. I can't fix it. I can't understand it. I can't. I just can't.
Accepting the things we
Accepting the things we cannot change ourselves is probably one of the most frustrating parts of steplife. And if you’re a person who likes the control whether it’s because you are good at it or it’s just your nature, it’s even harder to sit on the sidelines and just be a teamplayer. The best you can do is accept you can’t change BM, she is who she is and will always be as she has chosen to be and while that causes chaos indirectly through her children into your life all you can do is work on your end of it. You can’t make BM take the kid to therapy but you can remind your skid you are always there when she needs you or wants to talk. You cannot be a better mom to her than her own mom but you can be another adult figure in her life who exemplifies love, kindness and guidance. Write down a list of the things she needs in categories you can or can’t do for her and come up with solutions on your end that you can work on with her.