help... is it normal for his 5 year old to share bed with us...
Ok... We have been seen each other a year and a bit. I met his son 6 months into our relationship. We get on well despite a lot of interference with his ex (son's mother)
I need some advice.
I stay over at my partners place when I can and sometimes this falls when he has his son as he had him 4 nights a week.
His son is almost 5 and initially goes into his own bed at night though he cries that he wants to sleep on daddies bed. Whenever he wakes up during the nignt ... This could be 10pm 12 am 3am etc ... He gets in bed with us. My partner never takes him back to his own bed
Ever. It has recently gotten now where he does even put him in his own bed. If he doesn't settle straight away he just brings hin through to his. I'm uncomfortable for a number of reasons. . One I don't think he is teaching him a very good habit... Two I know personally if he was my child I would NOT be happy with my exs new gf sharing a bed with him all night. Three it's every night. I could understand if he was ill or had a nightmare but I feel my partner is teaching his son to sleep on his bed rather than his own. We have had this talk a few times and he always says the same things "he's my baby" "I wanna keep him close" "it's not a big deal he will grow out of it eventually" "why is it an issue"... am I over reacting? I have told him I will no longer be staying at his when his son is there and he thinks it's an over reaction. Funnily enough though when I asked him if he would be ok with his son sleeping in bed with his ex and her new bf he replied that he would not be ok with it... go figure!
who wants a 15 or 16 year old
who wants a 15 or 16 year old kid in their bed!!
NO!!! It's not normal behaviour.
In some cultures or families,
In some cultures or families, it is normal.
We cosleep in my family. (We're black-I grew up in NYC but my family is from SC). My mom is #3 of 11 kids. Everyone in my extended family did this. We joke that the cribs are pretty much just decorations. Kids in our family were free to bounce from their beds to their parents' beds. We all outgrew it on our own and are productive adults.
I honestly don't see anything wrong with dad allowing his son to sleep with HIM. The kid will outgrow it. Expecting the OP to be OK with this is down right crazy. Cosleeping with a stepkid is nothing more than inviting trouble from the BM.
I just would not tolerate
I just would not tolerate that at all. You're not wrong to feel any type of way.
there is a huge trend called
there is a huge trend called cosleeping in which children older than toddlers sleep with their parents.
do you really thing this is healthy for your marriage and the child? you need to let a child grow up and sleeping with parents is not letting this happen.
Here is a link to an article
Here is a link to an article and a picture about parents sleeping w/5 kids in 2 beds from IDKEA:
http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/10/19/couple-builds-giant-bed-so-they-ca...
Thanks everyone. Hearing it
Thanks everyone. Hearing it from other people helps me realise I'm not over reacting! My worry is his son will be sharing a bed till he is 15! His son is still in pull ups and regularly wets himself during day too, and this has been another cause of arguments because dad thinks it will sort it's self out. His son seems to hold it in when he needs you can clearly see he's holding it and he will ask his son to go to the toilet, usually results in his son shouting that he doesn't need ans 2 mins later he's peed himself ;/
His son regularly pisses his
His son regularly pisses his own as well as his dad's bed. He has a plastic sheet on because the matress was being ruined. It's why his son has never and will never stay with me while he still gets into bed with his dad.
I think it is ok for him to
I think it is ok for him to co sleep with his kid. I do NOT think it is ok for kid to sleep with you though.
I think that is basically
I think that is basically what I said... :?
I am ok with co sleeping with BIOS. I am not ok with other people co sleeping with kids. If he wants to co sleep, then the GF should not be there.
Me too...so I probably did
Me too...so I probably did not word it right.
While I think 5 is much too
While I think 5 is much too old to sleep with Daddy every night (and a stepkid should NEVER sleep with a stepparent... or any unrelated adult), there isn't anything you can do about it if you don't live together. I think you are doing all you can by refusing to spend the night when his son is there.
The "co-sleeping movement" is
The "co-sleeping movement" is all a part of the guilt parenting/I'm my kid's BFF movement. Which is reaping horrendous consequences.
Only when a child is really sick (many skids on this site have put on quite a theatrical spectacle faking illness to climb into daddykins bed) or if they are having a rare nightmare should co-sleeping be allowed. But then again I'm an old codger and from a generation where kids grew up to be independent adults and supported themselves.
I think co-sleeping is a HUGE red flag and indicator of parenting by guilt or at the very least LAP (Lazy Ass Parenting)
Trotting out the list:
1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)
2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?
3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habits, eating habits, bedtime habits?
4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)
5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?
6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?
7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern
8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?
9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?
10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?
11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.
12. Has dad said things to you like "you don't like my children" or "my children are UNCOMFORTABLE with you" or "you're a child hater" or "my children are afraid of you" or "my children don't like you?" This is code for you are able to see through the manipulation and the children don't like it. . . and frankly he doesn't like the fact that you can see through his children's manipulation either. He'd rather look the other way as opposed to actually parenting because he might "lose" his children to the (almost always) PASinator BM.
If you can answer YES to ANY of these questions, get your sneakers ready to go.
Do you know your man's FINANCIAL situation? Do you know if he has massive left over marital debt? How high is his CS obligation? Have you seen the divorce decree or mediation agreement. Does it seem overly slanted in BM's favour?
Love and "understanding" simply does not cover it all. Especially in the case of stepmom is supposed to be "understanding" when all of her money goes to household expenses b/c almost all of biodad's money goes to CS.
How long would you be willing to float biodad should he lose a job and have massive CS obligations?
"The "co-sleeping movement"
"The "co-sleeping movement" is all a part of the guilt parenting/I'm my kid's BFF movement. Which is reaping horrendous consequences."
A movement???
My mother is 67. Her oldest sister is 76. (there are 11 of them) They all slept with my grandparents. They all allowed there kids to sleep with them. Their grandkids slept with their and kids(and them sometimes).
Cosleeping isn't new or a part of a movement.
It's just a different parenting choice.
No, it is not normal. Lock
No, it is not normal. Lock your bedroom door. End of problem.
Co sleeping issues and
Co sleeping issues and bedtime drama almost ruined my marriage until I put my foot down.