help :(
Hello everyone! I just found this site today and I hope someone out there can help. My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years. When I met him he told me he had four children. I was 20 and did not want children. So I thought we would be friends and nothing more. I actually fell for him. I met the kids and I fell for them to. He had all four with his ex wife. We all (including the kids) live together. The ex wife is not allowed to be with the kids unless someone is supervising her visits. She hasnt done anything to me personally but she has made some poor choices with her children. She sees them every other week for an hour. She bad mouths my boyfriend for most of the hour. The kids call me mom, I volunteer at their school, make them dinner, build forts with them, and I am just generally with them all the time. Well i just found out that he cheated on his ex wife (make sense why she bad mouths him) and this woman became pregnant and had a baby................ I didnt want children to begin with he already has four and now your telling me you have another. I told him that i could not take it. This little girl if four and he received the notice this year. I dont understand what took her so long. I am so upset with him. I dont want to be a mother to this girl I dont want another baby mom. what should i do?? im frustrated i feel like i wasted my love and my time on this guy who cant put on a condom. :jawdrop:
Did he know this and keep it
Did he know this and keep it a secret from you?
No he told me when he got the
No he told me when he got the child support notification
UGH!! You are way too young
UGH!! You are way too young to have 5 step kids. (and who knows how many more!!) Plus, you are involved with a cheater, plus you have only known him 2 years. I really try NOT to tell people to stop a relationship...BUT, wow. I know if I was in your position, at you rage, I would run like the wind.
Sorry,
at you rage ++++++++++++++++
at you rage
++++++++++++++++
This should be..."at your age"
Run! Don't look back...just
Run! Don't look back...just run.
My situation is basically the
My situation is basically the same as yours. My DH has 4 children by his ex wife, I was 20 when we met and didn't want to be a step mom.... but I fell for him... The difference... We have joint custody 50/50, but I am the one that volunteers at school, does homework, involved them in sports, is the taxi mom and goes to ALL of the game....
My fiance cheated on his wife, too...But that was something I knew when we got together... (Thankfully, there was no child from his cheating!) His ex-wife cheated too (after him)!
The cheating thing scared me at first...but I can tell he regrets cheating, and I love and trust him and choose to believe he will not do it me..
As far as having another child, that would be the hard part! I would definitely want a test to prove he is the father! This is just a situation where you will have to decide whether your love for him and your skids is enough to overcome this. Just remember the child didn't ask to be in this situation and hopefully this BM is nice
Oh goody - not only does he
Oh goody - not only does he have a child (at least one!) out there to pay support for - but he'll get nailed with 4 YEARS of back payments on top of it!!
If you just assume $400 a month for CS (which is pretty reasonable), that adds up to almost $20,000 - even without any interest...
What in your OWN life are you prepared to give up? Because, believe me, it will be YOU who is expected to suck it up for this!
He wont necessarily have to
He wont necessarily have to pay back support. If the bm didnt file until now that is her fault and many judges go from the date of filing
Thanks for all of your
Thanks for all of your responses. I feel so confused. He told me upfront about the cheating. I have always been a little skeptical but as far as i know he hasnt cheated on me. From what I understand he cheated more then once and they broke up constantly. When he would tell me about their relationship I personally was exhausted. They fought constantly. We me because we worked together. People who didnt know we were together would gossip and tell me that his ex wife would come and sit outside wait for him or call constantly. one time she dropped his stuff of at the work place. I wasnt around for any of that thank god but it was madness. She also cheated so I think their relationship was just one big hot mess. He is getting a paternity test to prove that it is his but he told me he hasnt known her and this other woman has six children with three different men and again another hot mess situation. I feel like i should leave before i lose my sanity in these situations. I am just sad because I felt like I had my own little family
You are way to young and have
You are way to young and have far too much life ahead of you to put up with his bullshit. He's already dumped 4 kids on you and you are expected to be their "mother". Now, there will be another child in the picture that you will have to blend into the mix (might want to read a LOT of the blogs on here about that!). You will have extreme financial hardship because of this 5th one. Even if $400 a month doesn't sound like a lot, it is. You will miss it, especially with all of those mouths to feed already.
I say, cut your losses and RUN!!!!! You do not need this. He needs YOU to help out with his past mistakes, but you do NOT need HIM.
I think you have your whole
I think you have your whole life ahead of you, and your youth now is the best time for you to find a brand new, child free man, and have your own family - not have to accept these leftovers. Sorry if sound rough, but that is what step-moms get, and a kick in the *ss too.
Don't settle honey, there is no reason to, you can still do anything you want, if you don't give it away like this. Hugs.
Find a man who will put you
Find a man who will put you first, is of greater character than to cheat on his wife. IMHO you should move on to a life with far less drama.
The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. He was unwise in his choice of mother for his older four children and his 5th child is the result of an infidelity.
Go, go now, and don't look back.
I understand that the 4 children are important to you but, is it worth a lifetime of drama with their idiot father?