HELP
Been married 2 years after a short dating period, he has 3 kids with 2 people,
hence difficult situation already. 2 kids come over every other weekend...............
I am finding it increasingly difficult to relate to the kids (being 8 and 10) im quite shy and reserved not the bubbly type to know what to do with kids as i have never had any........
I have just been given my second prescription for anti depressants, was on them last year but stopped them, this time its worse,
the kids are coming and not even talking to me anymore, they all talk when i am out of the room, i have no idea what is being said about me when with their mother etc but im sure none of it is nice,
i did not cause the break up and in no ways trying to take their dad from them,
Im at the end of my tether i only want to fit in and be part of it but their dad my husband cant understand why i cant just get on with it their only kids..............................
Am i missing something.................
its your DH that's missing
its your DH that's missing the point. You want to get along with the kids but they won't have anything to do with you. Honestly, they may not know what to say because they're so young. Either way you cant force them to be friends with you. I'm in the same boat with SD6. She wants time with her dad and dad only. Make plans with girlfriends, get a massage, make those kid-weekends like a weekend to yourself.
I have a stepwife (my ex's second wife) and it took about 4 out of the 6.5 years they were together until my kids warmed up to her. Just continue being a descent person that you are. Married life with DH and Stepkids may not had been the way you imagined it but if you work with what you have things will get better, different for sure but better.
they liked me to start with
they liked me to start with but i think the BM has put the knife in and now they are getting worse and worse behaved. but when i say anything to him at home he says its me in the wrong,
so basically i have backed off to the point i do as im told and we do everything they want.
I no longer feel welcome in whats supposed to be our home.............
I have tried my hardest to organise things to do, some cost lots of money some cost nothing but he throws it back at me saying its boring and the kids hate it,
He says i need to get to know his kids more and when i do try hi ex warns me off so what can i do??
Im on the verge of leaving as i cant see the wood for the trees anymore.............
If i make plans to go out and do things then i am porposely avoiding spending time with them and get abuse, one time i had texts every 10 minutes, id gone to my friends to get my hair done...........to save money for f sake.........
the step daughter, the eldest is all over the dad like a rash i sit on the other sofa away from it all, he sits with the kids on the other one,
all they do is argue when in the same room the kids do................how can you pacify kids that dont get told off or reasoned with................dads is playtime..............
I'm sorry you're going
I'm sorry you're going through this. This kind of muck makes you want to run far far away. Kids are supposed to be impressionable and love everyone and it so sad for them to be feel otherwise so young. The BMs could have something to do with it but its likely the kids don't see dad much therefore want to be selfish with his time. DH shouldn't be getting mad at you if you leave and do something else. You're doing exactly what his kids need you to do. From what you've said, you've tried making plans for them he says his kids hate it so what gives? Is he in denial? It sounds like a damned if you do, damned if you dont scenerio.
Just stand firm and tell him you're stepping away from the kids because they desperately need Dad-time. You're going to something else when they visit because of this. And if he wants you and the kids to get to know each other, HE can make the plans. If you go on these plans then continue to have a good attitude and let the kids see you're not trying to take their dad away or taking the place of their mother. They're desperately trying to be loyal to both parents and unfortunately it comes out against you. It's hurtful but a positive attitude and not taking things personal does pay off. My SD6 has gotten to where she'll acknowledge me. Woohoo...I think I'm making headway!
Bm's love to poison the kids
Bm's love to poison the kids from us, BUT if you show them love and support and are non threatening they usually come around. Your husband needs to help you be part of their inner circle so you can be more of a family. It takes time but is way cooler than being an outsider.