HELP!!!!!!

Forums:

Recently SS13 has moved in with us. BM is in the process of signing over custody. He has several issues and behavior problems. His latest stint is waking up in the night and urinating ALL OVER my home . I am talking carpeting, furniture, you name it! :sick: I obviously can not be awake day and night. What can we do to make him stop?? We have removed all luxury items from him. His only posetions now are a bed and dresser. I don't know what else to do! I refuse to live in a home that smells worse than the nastiest nursing home you can imagine. Please, somebody help me!!

No, at first I thought that

No, at first I thought that might be the case. He is wide awake and doing it on purpose! He told me he waits until he thinks everyone is asleep and THEN does it. When asked why, he say idk. VERY frustrating! He has said before that he did it because he was angry with his mother... Not sure how peeing on OUR floor justifies that!

He's seeing a counsellor

He's seeing a counsellor regularly since we've had him full-time. She does not condone it but says that she believes he's acting out from the emotional trauma caused while living with BM. However she is out of the office for the next three weeks!

(Back story: BM decided a few weeks ago that she could no longer handle the monster she created and no longer wanted him. Apparently there was some physical abuse from Step-Dad whom BM is now divorcing as well.)

Short of giving him a royal butt whooping, SO and I have tried just about all that we could think of.

Duh, emotional trauma...we

Duh, emotional trauma...we could have told the therapist that for less money.

28 years ago my SS did that at ten years old...He did it one time, and my husband beat the living daylight out of him...Of course, that was 28 years ago, so I digress.

If he is urinating all over the home, and in today's day you cannot hit him, I would do two things: First get a baby monitor for your room. Second, get a baby sitter. At thirteen this should humiliate him, as it should. He cannot be trusted alone in the middle of the night. How will he be trusted to be alone at different times of the day? Just let him know he will have a baby sitter at night to monitor his behavior and to alert you.

Just get Nanny Cams all over

Just get Nanny Cams all over your house without telling skid.
Give the tape over to DH & a therapists. My skid sleepwalks. He's never peed anywhere. There was an episode on Shameless where the youngest boy, a real devious troublemaker, just peed to take the attention off what he really was doing, which was stealing

Being spanked only makes

Being spanked only makes things worse for a child who is undergoing emotional trauma. I was hit with sticks, belts, hangers, fists, anything within reach.
I shun anyone who hits a child, things can be resolved without ever putting your hands on someone else. If you have to hit a child, there more wrong with you than with the child.

He is doing it because there

He is doing it because there is no consequences. I am going to tell you this from experience, make him clean the mess EVERY time. Even if it is an inconvenience to you. I am dead serious, every time he does, hand him the cleaning solution and make him do it. If he refuses, make him sit on the bed until he does.
I am not kidding you, you don't need to physically discipline him. I do not ever recommend ever spanking a kid. Just showing you can be just as stubborn, works wonders. Message me if you want.
Do not expect for it to fix itself in a couple days. This is his version of a temper tantrum. It is just there was a lack of follow through with discipline. Do not get angry (I know hard, be nonchalant about it, I would walk in and "Opp, well this your mess buddy, and as a lady I can't be cleaning up after you"). It has stopped, trust me it will get better.

Thank you all for the

Thank you all for the support!! Just having a place to vent with some people who deal with similar things makes a huge difference. Up to this point, I've been the one cleaning the messes for no other reason than I wanted to make sure it was completely cleaned. I didn't expect him to change his behavior over night but I did think it would subside some when he began living here full time. You are correct, HE should be cleaning it every time and will from now on!

He may just be broken and not

He may just be broken and not fixable. Sometimes it happens. It's really horrible but what can you do? If someone throws a Ming vase on the floor and it shatters in a million pieces you are never going to make it whole again.

BM was a horrible mother to SS27. He was the product of a ONS years after their divorce. No one wanted him. She maintained custody as that's what the courts did back then. Who knows how much was her behavior, DH's obtuseness, her new DH's hatred of him, plus his own personality.

The net result is a broken individual. Tons of therapy, rehab, psych hospitals, juvie. Nothing worked.

Good luck.

I read your post to my DH b/c

I read your post to my DH b/c it was so shocking. He suggested having your DH sleep on the couch, keep lights on and when ss starts pissing, have DH, not you, make son clean it up immediately. Kinda like with a dog, immediate discipline. Have him stay up half the night or all night if need be. Have your DH take time off work so he can sleep as much as possible, but this is your DH's issue, not yours. When ss is finished this stage of temper tantrums have DH go out and buy you new furniture and carpets. THIS IS DH'S PROBLEM NOT YOURS SO HE NEEDS TO SLEEP EAT AND BATHROOM WITH SS UNTIL SS GETS THROUGH HIS SKULL NOT TO USE YOUR HOME AS A TOILET.

Know that you and DH might burn out before it gets better and then other options have to be investigated. I raised a disabled daughter and had to put her into a mental institution and finally a group home. She is now doing marvelous on the right medications and living in her own home with 2 room mates but stil cared for by state workers. Sometimes things are not fair in life. Parents do their best but at time you have to know when to raise your surrender flag. As the bio mom of my child it was devastating to give her up but it was killing me to care for her, she was abusive and hurting my boys too. You do what you can..

My nephew had a problem

My nephew had a problem similar only he is 3 and he poops and plays in it. He is doing better now that he was sent to poop therapy. He had just started loving with his father(my brother) full time and his wife and kids. Your ss is 13 so i would make him clean it up and supervise to make sure he does it properly. And I would also go to the store and get him night pull ups, he maybe to big for that but maybe adult diapers if that is the case. That should put him i check bu making him wear them and also making him clean it up. It says the behavior is not acceptable and if you can not control yourself that there are ways to control it. Hope everything goes well. good luck.

Is my SS14 at your house? He

Is my SS14 at your house? He did this when he visited at Thanksgiving. Unfortunately he did it the morning he left to go back to BM's, and we didn't "discover" it until later that afternoon. DH had to clean it up and was pissed. Unfortunately DH seems to be over it, but I'm not. SS14 returns this week. Ugh.

Anyway, I would recommend a door alarm for night time. (about $10 at Walmart in the home repair section) Every time SS exits his room it will go off. Your DH will need to get up EVERY time to see what SS is doing. If SS chooses to pee anywhere but the toilet, SS needs to clean it up to your satisfaction. And from my previous experience, it can take DAYS to get it completely clean. Hopefully that and counseling will work.