He plays daddy to skids other siblings...
I have been with my bf for 3 years and we recently moved in together. I have an bd 11 and his kids are d 12 and s 9. His ex had a son (4) by another man while still married to my bf and she also has a daughter (2) by the same guy. My bf formed an attachement to the 4 yea old as they were going to try to work things out but ending up leaving when he was two. When bf picks up his kids he also takes 4 year old and he refers to bf as dad. I was uneasy when he revealed to me his attachement to this child in the very beginning. I have watched him leave his children behind or sulk if he couldn't take this child along because of some "infraction" he commited against ex or her wishes. He does not pay support for this child but provides everything else...christmas, birthday gifts, school clothes, toys/games...etc. His is elated to be able to be a "better man" than his bilogical dad. Recently, his 12 year old wanted to know why their sister couldn't come over on weekends also. Ex has been guilting him about the 2 year old all along. He explained that although he was there for the 4 year old's birth and first year, 2 year old's dad was there for her. 12 year old has not stayed over because she has to go home to her sister. I'm beginning to feel pressured into allowing 2 year to stay over now. Older kids are needy, overweight, socially challenged and lacking some fine motor skills....they have basically been coddled. Ex is lazy and unable to do anything on her own (per his words). The kids miss school routinely, the oldest has failed two grades, there are no regular bed times or activities...just computer time and xbox 24/7. I knew I would be taking on some problems with parenting styles regarding his two kids. My problem is the assumption that their siblings somehow come as a package deal. He says he can't turn away any child that wants to call him "dad". I think all of the children are being used to hang onto bf and in turn he can't seem to stop wanting to "save" all of them. It's like he wants to bring his old life over here. Am I being insensitive?
Yes, he needs to "wise up" if
Yes, he needs to "wise up" if he is going to play daddy. BLM is right!!!!! Left BM get mad enough, she may take him to court for CS and at this rate (him buying things and visitation) she will more than likely get. He should really look up the laws in ya'lls state. Speaking from experience, you should not be the one to bring this up to him. (He will look at you as being a hater...it's how men think) Have someone else bring up to him or download the information and leave it somewhere for him to read. My DH spends time with his baby mama's older child who is by someone else too. I don't like it either...so I know how you feel. We make sure (as far as I know anyway) to not provide anything for him. (He has an active father in his life though)