have you ever felt you anger only grow at towards a foul mouthed, hateful adult SD?
My post from some time ago: https://www.steptalk.org/node/234711
DH told me she made things partially right with him after all these months (I assume she apologized to him for cussing him out), I don't really want any part of her ever again so I don't ask much. I'm sure the apology to him came after she found out she was pregnant too. DH is hopeful that things will eventually get better with her and me...but I am more angry than ever and I hate it!! How can he think thinks will get better when his daughter (not me) said she hates me? I cannot believe the level of anger that has grown and I hate how this is affecting my mental health. During her "text attack" she launched a foul mouthed rant at me and said she hated me (and took all my kindness towards her a weakness in me). I can 100% guarantee you did nothing to her except be kind, respectful and generous (my DH has seen this too). She is just a jealous, spoiled brat who wants to control her dad. He said he does not like what she has done and how she is now.
I want to slap my DH upside his head because I know she puts on her baby voice and manipulates him. I thought after all this time passed, I would have felt less anger. She made dumb decision after dumb decision (drop out of HS, get pregnant). I know DH is not financially helping her (she is living off a family friend states away), as he can barely afford to help his son going off college. I'm getting myself all worked up expecting the childish behavior and manipulations to get worse as their relationship gets better again. This is a girl that tried to get her brothers to hate me too. I'm so afraid it will destroy our relationship. DH promises it won't and hates what she did and promised he would stand up for me if she ever did anything again.
He has supported me and she is not allowed in our home. When we are together he does not take her texts or calls, he does not let her interrupt our lives. But I'm so afraid that will change based on the type of person she is.
You need to work on just
You need to work on just letting your anger go. Letting go of your anger does not mean that you are excusing or forgiving anything. It means you strive to just become indifferent as to whether she is dead or alive. Your goal should be that she just does not exist in your life.
Your anger is not affecting her at all - just you. I know this is not easy. There are times I want to rail or make snarky remarks about my husband's worthless POS son. When I just have to get something out I come here and post.
I am fortunate that my DH does not pressure me to have anything to do with SS now.
Thank you. That is my
Thank you. That is my problem...I don't know how to let the anger go. I try and think I'm OK, then I might overhear her facetime her brother in our home and I am triggered again...especially if I hear her voice invading my home and it disrupts my peace. Maybe since I am such an anxious person is not helping?
Letting your anger go is not
Letting your anger go is not like turning off a light switch. Be patient and work at it on a need to basis.
Don't think about it. If you catch yourself thinking about it, purposely direct your thinking to healthy thoughts. Do not think or live the past, let it go. Don't be anxious about the future or what you think is happening; my way of doing this is walking away from her voice, so you don't hear it. The minute you encounter anything to do with your SD, dismiss it, remove yourself from the situation as easily as possible.
Address all issues with respect and be civil. It is very difficult to let anger go; I fight it continuously; but I feel so good, when I do control it. I just find something constructive to do at the moment.
It gets easier and soon you will not care, hear, or discuss your SD. She will no longer be a part of YOUR life. My SD also told me she hated me and has been verbally abusive to me for years. She doesn't exist in my thoughts; she is nothing to me today.
It may take years, it has taken me almost 8 years to reach my peace.
Thank you. Seeing your words
Thank you. Seeing your words really helps!! Are you able to avoid being around your SD? If so, how are you able to do that?
Sorry for the confusion.
Sorry for the confusion. That is why I posted the link to my earlier post. In a nutshell, she launched an attack against me and her father by text for some perceived slight that never occurred after she moved out of his house and I moved in. She didn't ask her dad to clarify, she just launched into a nasty foul mouthed tirade to me and her father separately on our cell phones. pages and pages of nasty, hateful texts.
He is very unhappy with her. She has made small steps in making things right with him which I'm guessing is the road to repairing her damage. He wants her to make things right with me, and can't seem to understand he can't change who she is or her feelings about me. I want nothing to do with her but he doesn't want her to get away with what she did to me as well.
Good luck...your husband has
Good luck...your husband has a bad case of woosie daddeee..It is akin to a bad virus like herpes that manifests in his nervous system, with unpredictable bouts and infestation. It is a disease that slowly takes over his entire body until he turns into a complete wimp; as indicated by his actions; he acts like a cat on cat nip whenever his kids are around-- regardless of what they do and who they do it to. Woosie takes over his entire body and mind very slowly until he is completely woosed out. There is no known cure for woosie daddee (except divorce); no treatment at all--even a bat to the head, does nothing. Woosie disease can only be detected if you are around his kids or on the topic of his kids with him; if so, you will start seeing the first symptoms immediately. At that point, it is 100% observable and makes you immediately sick to your stomach, complete with nausea and vomiting. Therefore, you must, be careful to make certain you do not catch some form of Woosie too (go into self quarenteen immediately, because if you are around it too long, you will also transform you into a person you do not recognize); it is highly contagious; but with different side effects for different people, clearly.
But, I digress...sorry...
Anyhow, it is great he is not forcing you to have a relationship with anybody treating you this way. You just stay away from the insanity and protect yourself.
One last thing about woosie dadeee disease, it never goes away...
You made me laugh! thank you
You made me laugh! thank you I needed that. A funny, yet sad truth.
i got angry before i
i got angry before i disengaged. now i just watch her make a mess of her life and her having to deal with the consequences of bad decisions.