hating BM= hating skid?
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I hate bm. Passionately and with great relish... Most of the time I don't think about her, but recent events have sparked a rage within me.
This intense emotion has transferred to SD13. Now, SD13 and I are on the outs at the moment, and she's not around me, but I still get my back up when she texts DH or if he mentions her name. (the poor guy never sees her)
The kid is not the issue usually, her mother is a POS, but what is bothering me is my intense contempt for her mother is now being felt for SD13.
I know its selfish. How do i separate feelings for BM from feelings for SD13?
SD and I are not around each other right now because her mother is a vile b!tch.
I wish I had some advice, but
I wish I had some advice, but I've been feeling the same way a lot of the time about SS8. He looks exactly like her, says the same kinds of things she says, and is just mean and rotten like her. I try to separate them because I know they're different people, but really, they're kind of the same person, if that makes sense.
I hope someone else can help, but I do know exactly how you feel!
both of my ss's have parts of
both of my ss's have parts of bm i hate, her looks and her temperament. HATE it. Whatdya do? I'm not sure b/c I also kinda over focus on those issues too and hate that I do and try to ignore. Ss16 looks EXACTLY like her with his doopy grin and long chin - eeeekkkk
I wish I could tell you
I wish I could tell you something helpful but in my case skid is just as much a pos douche as his gold digging whore of a "mother"...so yeah...sorry! I hope you the advice you need!
LOL! Yes- SD looks like her
LOL!
Yes- SD looks like her mom too.
I feel so much resentment because DH felt "lucky" to spend 5 hours with her. I do think 13 is old enough to say, "BM, I want to see Daddy." even though BM does manipulate her.
Everyone in her life just gives allowance that her BM is batshit and puts ZERO accountability on the skid.
I don't know, maybe I should just shut up and realize how lucky I am that at the time being I have a nice quiet house during his sporadic visits with her?
but the mention of her name makes me cringe...
"Everyone in her life just
"Everyone in her life just gives allowance that her BM is batshit and puts ZERO accountability on the skid."
I think people do so because no matter how old sd is, it's wrong for a parent to do that.
My SDs don't look like bm but parroted her a lot when they were younger. There was lots of pas going on, but with the things they were saying, those things are hard for adults, even, to stomach. Teen girls look to the primary females in their lives to give them guidance. Your sd looks to her bm for guidance so that's why so many people are floored at the "guidance" and pas bm gives out.
Just try to remember that she is her own physically separate person from bm. And that she'd probably opt to be in a better situation too if she could.
Just remember, she is half of
Just remember, she is half of your DH, also. Of course, it is not that easy!
My SD looks like my husband and mostly has his personality, so it was easy to care about her. But when she started acting more like BM (lying, manipulating), I was pretty much done. She's 21 now and I don't hate her by any means but I really don't care either.
since she's 21, do you still
since she's 21, do you still have to deal much with her?
I'm finding that DH is all of a sudden a mess since SD decided to spend time with him. Now he's obsessed. Making me crazy.
Mostly just phone calls with
Mostly just phone calls with SD and those vary in frequency depending on how well she is getting along with her mother. We have nothing to do with BM and have not since CS ended.
I just find it so miraculous
I just find it so miraculous that he pays CS, yet still buys stuff all of the time for her. School clothes etc..
Then after no visitation for 6 weeks, they spend 2hrs at the mall... and it makes him happy.
He 'gets' to buy her stuff that she wants... ummmm.... CS??? hello??? Plus he pays for all extracurricular stuff she's in to.
He sees no pattern at all.
I have to figure out a way to let it go. It makes me nuts
Thanks AnaR. Since I met DH
Thanks AnaR.
Since I met DH and we got serious, then got married, I've said the same thing in terms of BM treating everyone involved with respect. She is gutter trash and influences SD.
I used to chalk it up to age and gave Skid the benefit of the doubt, but now, there are real red flags that SD13 should see and while she may still feel the need to defend her mother, I think she is old enough to not see me as the bad guy.
In the beginning I thought I could bond with her to some degree. Then I realized, hell no. BM is too damaged and dysfunctional to allow it and I won't put myself in that position. BM grills her about me constantly and I've even experimented by telling SD13 certain things, and sure enough- took 24 hours for BM to find out. }:)
I agree completely with the notion of why on earth would this BM want me to have negative feelings for her kid?? Other than she is dumb as a bag of rocks...
I feel the same way toward my
I feel the same way toward my SD. Sometimes I feel guilty for not liking her because she's only 5 and really has done nothing wrong, but she looks JUST like BM and talks JUST like BM and I seriously can't stand it! Everything I so much as hear her name I get annoyed. I wish they would both just disappear! }:)
Glad it's not just me that
Glad it's not just me that feels this way
My SD has aspects of mini-Mom
My SD has aspects of mini-Mom that are infuriating. I don't want my own little girl to become a weird third minion by picking up on SDs habits and am struggling with how to make sure that doesn't happen, it's anxiety inducing.
My Mom grew up without a Mom, and she told me she like to think about SD as a little version of her. That made me feel a little sad for her as my Mom had a tough go. Maybe imagine what it would be like to have BM as your own mom? A wee bit of empathy for your stepkid might help you see SD as a kid who needs your DH (maybe even you also) to rescue her from time to time, rather than just seeing her as the devil reincarnate.