HA! Laughing over the Custody Evaluation!!
After almost four months of waiting for the evaluator to respond to his opinions about the custody evaluation I am very pleased to say that he pinned my FH's EW to the "T". He stated that upon his observation, the EW has alienated thier son from us, as well as encouraging him to say negative things that proved to be untrue. A-HA! Although Im sure that it won't prove itself to be useful unless this goes to court, Im just happy that he saw through her stupid games and her lies. It was a very costly opinion but it turned out positive for us. I don't know where this goes from here, probally another mediation, perhaps court cause I know that his EX is probally fumming over this and is trying to stew up something to perlong this further. She knows that when this is all done that FH and I are getting married and she hates that. As for me I know that this is just one more step for us to have this finished and move on with our lives.
Good!
It's so nice when those people who think that just because you say something makes it true have it blow up back in their face.
Those evaluators aren't the final say, but they sure do help your cause. Good luck and Congratulations!
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Congrats
Our evaluation was court ordered. DH was going for 50/50 instead of EOW and BM started behaving very erratically. THe Judge was very concerned and ordered the evaluation along with BM attending an Anger Management classes, a Divorced Parents Workshop and a few others, to which she did NONE of. Anyways, I was worried about the evaluation because BM is famous for putting on airs (did I use that correctly). I thought that she would schmooze the evaluator and that things would go in her favor. After all BM had just moved into a 3/3 TH and we were 5 people (when the kids visited) living in a 2/1 condo. Yeah OUCH. Luckily, the kids were young and small so it worked out temporarily. The evaluator thought she was a little off. She had no routine with HW or anything else when the kids got in from school. There was no structure and BM felt that it would be appropriate for she and the kids to dance and sing while skipping in a circle like a bunch of idiots, rather than doing their HW. Just so happened that WE had structure. THe kids came in and they got 30 mins to relax and get a snack (usually fruit). After that, they had to break out the HW and it was quiet time, even if there was no HW, they had to read to DH or I. So, in the end this proved most beneficial in DHs modification of visitation and this along with my documentation of poor behavior from BM, plus BMs erratic behavior sealed her fate. We were shocked at how it all turned out.
We went to court for the hearing to see the evaluator's recommendations. At the time, the kids had been living with BM and she had dropped them off to school that morning. The Judge ORDERED that DH and I went and picked them up from school and granted temporary custody with BM getting EOW visits. The temporary custody was ordered as a way to allow BM to get all of the other issues resolved, such as Parenting classes, Anger Management and a few other things. The case was scheduled for review 90 days from that date. Well, as luck would have it, BM did not do any of the things that the Judge had ordered her and granted us full permanent custody.
You can imagine how strange it was for the kids. BM took them to school that morning. DH picked them up and then they did not see her for another 6 weeks. She made no effort to contact them and we had no way of contacting her. In fact, things were so bad that if DH and I were not there to take the kids, they were going to remove them and place them with foster families. Now you are screwed up if things get that bad.
As stressful as things have been these past 5 years, I believe that it was the best thing that could have happened for the kids. THey were placed in a loving, stable environment. We immediately sold the condo and bought a house so that they could have more space and a yard to play in. They are in better schools and have FRIENDS. It was really sad, that they both said that they didn't have any friends before they came to live with us. Part of that is because BM was like a nomad.
Just hang on to the report and hang in there. It will be quite useful one day.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.
Inspiring story ... sad for the kids but a happy result for sure
Princ,
Thanks for recounting your blended family story. You and DH did what parents are supposed to do ...... provide for the best interest of the kids. Step or Bio makes not difference.
Hopefully Angels situation will turn out as justly as you blended family evaluation adventure did.
Best regards,
Thanks Rags
Thanks Rags. I am holding out hope that Angel's case turns out well for her and her family. You never really know what the judge or evaluator will see or do in such cases. All you can do is do that which you think is best and pray. I know a lot of people get screwed in a lot of situations, but I am walking testimony that sometimes it does have a better ending. Trust me, we have had our struggles and fights with BM and the kids, but we work hard, as a family, on our happily ever after.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.
That is so great for you!
We never did try to do anything because BM can 'act' normal if she wants to - her head only spins around when no one is looking it seems like! She is supposedly beautiful and everyone always seems to buy her version of everything. Or at least doesn't care to argue with her, may be more likely.
With something like this on your side, maybe you can get somewhere re. custody!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
you wouldnt believe how
you wouldnt believe how convinced we actully were at first that BM would have actually pulled the wool over the evaluators eyes. I was so happy that he called her bluffs. The only hard part now is that its probally going to have to another mediation where she isn't going to agree to anything whatsoever. All we are asking for is to be involved as much as humanly possible with my FH's son. We are not trying to take him away from his mother at all but at the same time she has tried everything possible to try to alienate us from him. I liked the options that the assessor had provided and hope that at the bare minimum that she cold agree to that, however, her mind is sooo far gone on this subject (shes a case thats for sure.. lol) that I think that its going to take a judge to make the final call and put her in her place over this. It looks like you ladies have had experience on this subject is there a better way to go about this, or do we have to just keep going through the lawyers and the money keeps flying out the window just to get the 40% time that he is allowed to have?
Any Suggestions?