Graduation Advice
Just need some guidance....I've been with my bf for 1 1/2 years. He's been separated from his wife for two years but they are going thru a rough divorce. Unfortunately his "wife" doesn't like me and has choosen a road of pure ignorance and disrespect towards me. Their daugther graduated from HS and the wife is having a grad party at her mother's house. Initially my bf wasn't attenting but he recently found out that his wife and daughter invited several members from his side of the family to the party and they are attending. Those family members are advising him that it is the right thing to do to attend the party. I am not invited and even though I know in my heart that it's about the daugther I'm struggling with him attending. To me his wife has put him in a difficult situtation by inviting his side of the family. I don't know how to let go of my uneasiness of the entire situation?
She is manipulating.
You and your BF need to call BM's bluff. Both of you should attend. You need to be radiant and happy on your BF's arm and engage with your BF's family and with your FSD. The celebration is about FSD, but... every opportunity that presents itself it is critical that when a manipulative X pulls this kind of shit their nose should be rubbed firmly in the stench of any crap they try to pull.
And.... schedule a second party that is for FSD, her friends, BF, you, and his family at an upscale venue and make sure that BM is clearly excluded by providing a description and pic of her to door security. That way.... she never gets in.
I would do both, attend the party at BF's XMIL's on BF's arm, and throw a shindig at a venue that SD and her friends would love and .... keep BM TF out.
Both as a graduation celebration for FSD, and as a good riddance to BM celebration for you and your BF now that FSD has aged out from under the CO and there is zero reason to ever have anything to do with the XW/BM until the next graduation or a wedding..
This actually happened to me.
This actually happened to me. My ex threw my son a huge graduation party and invited my parents and sister. I did end up going and brought my SO. I brought my SO to the ceremony, too. Everyone behaved themselves and it was a nice time.
I think that for him to attend without you makes it look like he is ashamed to be dating you or hiding your relationship. If he truly has been separated as long as you say, and you two are in a serious, committed relationship, there should be no party or social event that he can go to but not you, if everyone else is welcome to bring their SO. You guys aren't cheating or sneaking around, so don't act like it. Now, there may be things you can't go to like if one of the kids is in the hospital or some such emergency, but this situation isn't one of those. Either you both go or neither IMO.
Welcome to the site!
Your DH should never accept an invitation or attend an event from which you are excluded. This is rank disloyalty on his part and would be my hill to die on. I suggest that if he wants to attend, you should attend with him, regardless of what may or may not have been said about this. If BM makes a fuss, that will be totally on her, and the two of you should make a dignified exit.
It's so nice...
Thank you everyone for all of your thoughts and for the advice. It's so nice to finally see that there are others in this world who think like me and that I'm not on this boat alone. BF asked his daughter if she wanted two parties and she said no just one that her Mom decided to have for her. On numerous occasions BM sent texts to my BF asking for financial help with the party and he said no she decided to have the party along with she decided to have the party at her Mother's house so he felt that it was not his responsibility. Note that when BF talked to his daughter having two parties he also stated to her that if she didn't want him to have a party for her that he would take her on a vacation, which she said she would much rather do. I did got to graduation with BF and things were fine with BM, but that was also in a public setting. I'm not 100% sure how she would act in a private setting such as her mother's home. I'm going to spend time with friends (who were actually invited to the grad party but decided to not attend because of BM behavior towards them in the past) and try not to think about what may or may not be happening at the grad party. Taking everyones advice, I will address how to handle things in the future with BF after the grad party.
Thumbs up!
Congratulations, you a a classy lady. I think the way you decided to handle this shows what a smart and compassionate lady you are. Best of luck in the future........Ex's and SK's can be a real challenge!
Thumbs up!
Congratulations, you a a classy lady. I think the way you decided to handle this shows what a smart and compassionate lady you are. Best of luck in the future........Ex's and SK's can be a real challenge!