Going to keep my mouth shut for 5 days! Wish me luck
Back story: YSD (almost 3) hates me. Go ahead and judge lol but she does. Her BM PAS's me badly. SD never speaks to me(only me), calls me "SM bitch", hits me, instantly cries if I make eye contact with her or breathe a word to her. FDH and I have had many conversations about her behavior. Listen I know she's 2. I also have a child the same age. My child is mostly respectful, polite, says please and thank you, uses manners. She's not perfect by any means but she's not like this. SD only wants daddy which I totally understand nothing wrong with that at her age but tonight exH took bio kids for dinner. I ran errands psyched myself up for the next 5 days put on my positive attitude and pulled into my driveway. FDH and SD were outside eating dinner. Walked up gave him a kiss she scowled at me, I said hi to her, she completely ignored me. Talked to FDH for a few minutes and noticed SD wasn't really eating so I asked her if she was going to eat. SHe didn't respond. FDH in his nicest princess voice said "SD honeyyyyyy answer SM pleasssseee" Still nothing. The she burst into tears. I can't even speak around her. So I said I was going inside and FDH rolled his eyes at me and I came in and cleaned up the house. Like I said she's fine with everyone else it's just me. And I'm better than good to this child. I treat her as much like my own as I can.
Resolve: I am going to try like hell to not say anything about her behavior for our custody time. He doesn't discipline her. Even his older kids with his ex wife constantly say that they would have never gotten away with that kind of behavior. Again I know she's 2 but you know what learning to be polite and respectful has to start at some point and if she's predispositioned to being able to disrespect me now that is all it is ever going to be. Whenever I bring up negative behaviors it is always tense so I am just keeping my mouth shut! On my way home tonight my mantra was "I'm just her Dad's fiance that is all." The thing is if my DD did to him what she does to me he'd be livid and totally expect something to be done about it. I've brought up the double standard to him, he disagrees. Maybe I should keep a notebook. Hmm there is an idea.
YOu aren't going to marry
YOu aren't going to marry this man, are you?
That was my intention. Haha.
That was my intention. Haha.
Aside from the YSD issue we don't really have any other significant issues. Good relationship, good communication, he's a good dad to his older bio's and a very good step dad. Treats YSD like she's his grandchild. Spoils her sends her back. Maybe I need a stern talking to instead of her. Lol.
Yikes, this makes scary
Yikes, this makes scary reading
Hmmm definately not a bad
Hmmm definately not a bad idea. FDH just shocked me because she was just giving me dirty looks and he said "this bs has to stop. BM HAS to be doing something to her!" then he disciplined her. I was shocked, validated, and felt a weight. It won't last but I saw a glimmer for a second. What would you do with the bear and full time bio's though? I feel like that might be alittle unfair for DD2?
You could probably have your
You could probably have your DD2 to play along. Don't clue her in on the whole manipulation of it all but get her to pretend with you and talk to the bear too. At that age they love watching adults show them how to play pretend. Im learning that playing pretend with SS2 is the best way to counter BMs PAS against DH. We just play with farm animals and the Daddy and Baby whatever says a bunch of "I Love you"s and whatnot. Playing pretend helps them figure out ways to express themselves. This is a very good idea for a child so little.
I'm voting for Foxie's idea
I'm voting for Foxie's idea also.
http://www.bigplush.com/3-foot-giant-teddy-bear-three-feet-tall-brown-co...
That bear is just too cute!
That bear is just too cute! I am willing to do anything to make this work for her. I don't blame her at all especially if I'm being badmouthed. That isn't her fault she can't know any differently at her age. Poor kid.
I've considered disengaging
I've considered disengaging and done a lot of research into it however I don't know how to do it in my situation. I babysit her while FDH works during our custody time and I don't know how to disengage when I have my bios full time. I feel as though it would drive a wedge between my bios and SD. If anyone has successfully done this though I am all ears.
I thought a lot about this
I thought a lot about this last night. How I must sound by having issues with a 2 year old. I appreciate everyones responses.
She does play very well with DS and DD granted they have their issues but it is all normal kid stuff. One of the girls takes the others baby or toy and then a situation erupts. That kind of stuff but she's not mean to my bios.
I just want us to have a happy healthy life for all of the kids. I know her mom talks shit on me to her. FDH knows this too but we can't do anything about it. IT will never stop she will never grow up and move on with her life.
That is exactly my opinion.
That is exactly my opinion. I am really concerned that BM is saying to her "if you talk to SM or if you are nice to SM you will have XXX consequences" I mean why otherwise would she burst into tears when I talk to her? I strongly feel like she has severe consequences if she conveys to BM that she has any interest in me.