To go or not to go
Haven't seen the inlaws in over a year. The last time there were work circumstances that kept me from going. DH went with one skid.
(FYI: My parents and some other relatives live closer. We did not move to be near them. Most of them moved close to me over years even before I met DH. So, not on purpose to live near my family and not a "plan" to see them more.)
DH is arranging to see his family for the the coming turkey day. He's asked me if BS and I are coming along. The skids are going. I asked questions about when, where, how long, etc. that he couldn't answer. Tonight he wants to know if I'm going (BS cannot as he has obligations over the holiday). I asked for the plan so I know what's going on and can decide. He gets snippy at me and says it's X, Y and Z. Okay, well, a few days ago when he mentioned it last, he only tentatively knew those items, got snippy about me asking, and he's not mentioned a word about it since. And now that I know, it still means I need to decide.
If I don't go it I probably still won't see BS, which is fine, that's not a problem. If I don't got I won't see my inlaws and I like them alot. I know it will be a nice time. My inlaws make me feel welcome and are very friendly, maybe it's that with DH I feel like I'm there almost as a cardboard cutout as "the wife" and if I don't go then he doesn't get that checkmark that his wife came and it looks bad.
DH travels a lot for work. Which means it's on me (no skids here, but all the other stuff, including pets) when he's gone. I haven't had alone time and I do need some. There won't be much with the holidays and a new work deadline that's all on me coming up. So, if things aren't going well, there's not much, if any, december vacation I can take.
I just don't know what to do. I both want to go to see the inlaws and not go to just get a break, though honestly I lean more toward the latter. Ack! What would you do?
I would go. I totally
I would go. I totally understand the need for alone time, especially when you’re busy and don’t have a lot of down time. That’s how I am too. I like alone time. However, you like his parents and it will most likely be a nice time. I do feel like when you get married/are in a serious relationship, you then have “your person” to attend holiday events, weddings, etc. with. It’s one of the perks of being in a relationship! Unless going puts you in an extremely unhealthy spot, I say suck it up. I know if it were me, and my SO chose to not come to my family holiday, I would be hurt and a little upset. Maybe there is something else you can sneak out of to get a little you time?
Do what you want!
Do what you want!
In 364 days, you'll have another chance to do whatever it is you didn't do this year. Holidays are special -- not rare.
People make such a huge deal about who they'll see over the holidays, then they ignore those people for the rest of the year. Take the alone time and arrange to see your in-laws in January, when it's gloomy and there's nothing to do. That way you get to do both, it brightens the least busy, gloomiest time of year.
I stayed
DH sort of seemed to get it when I was talking about why I felt the need to just be alone (no family, not his, not mine...just quiet that I don’t get). But when I said great I’m glad he understands I’m staying, I guess he thought I was just getting out my feelings.
I was curious if I’d feel badly or guilty about staying when they drove away. Nope. Or when I made dinner for one. Nope. Not even a blip when BS showed up to work out before dinner with his dad.
It has been very carthartic to be totally alone. I definitely needed it as an attitude adjustment. Haven’t been sitting on my butt. Cleaning and washing and thinking...much needed activities to feel at peace and figure out things, mostly work things. I have stuff I need to implement and I do best with time to think, quiet, and doing organizing kinds of things.
I really like my inlaws and I love my family, but I needed to love me, too.