Getting Engaged - Do We Tell BM?

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My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting engaged. He has three young sons from a previous marriage. What's the protocol in regards to telling his ex-wife when we do get engaged? Do we just tell his sons we are getting married and they can tell her? My boyfriend and his ex are not on the best of terms.

Why is it BM's business if

Why is it BM's business if you get engaged? I don't think it is. I feel like we (society) tries to make it the ex's business what the other person is doing, instead of BM living her own life.

Do you think BM really cares? Is she going to make life harder? Are you inviting her to the wedding?

I wish my DH hadn't told BM almost everything he's told her to include when our daughter was being born.

You don't owe her shit! Nor

You don't owe her shit! Nor the skids - you tell them only if you want to. That's the way I'm doing it. Their BM got married to the man who cheated on their father with so when I marry by fiancés it's on my terms on my time. They don't ever need to know for all I care. As long as you have an airtight prenuptial and postnuptial agreement making sure the adult skids get NOTHING you're good! The past is the past. Live your life for you. Be fearless - don't let these punk ass skids take your happiness or your strength. Congratulations and don't invite anybody to the wedding you don't really want there.

We didn't tell BM squat.

My DH had no choice but to

My DH had no choice but to tell BM that we were getting married because it turned out that the weekend we chose for our wedding fell on a weekend that SS11 was supposed to be with his BM. We had no choice because that was the only weekend that worked for the venue we wanted.

I don't think it's something you/DH have to make a priority to tell BM. Maybe it can be brought up casually in passing conversation or you could just let your SSs eventually tell her.

Nope we didn't tell BM the

Nope we didn't tell BM the kids told her! Stupid stupid SO proposed in front of them GRRRR and the little a$shole OSS found away to sneak of with his iPad an facetime BM. So with in 10 minutes BM is calling with some bullshit excuse and starts off with I'm sorry to bother you at this special time!!! B*&tch you aren't sorry, bitter, vindictive, bored, pathetic and sad you are Sorry you're not!

I asked a similar question on

I asked a similar question on this site about two weeks ago about our elopement (but it was about how to tell the skids). I got some great advice about making sure that you include the skids (I don't like my skids so I didn't want to tell them at all but the wise people on this site pointed out the folly in that) so I would say make sure you include the skids in this process. My personal opinion (and others can disagree) is that the skids will tell BM and you don't have to make a big deal about telling her. But it depends on how your BF feels about telling her. Is she the type that will freak out and try to make your lives miserable? Will she even care?

We didn't tell Medusa, but DH

We didn't tell Medusa, but DH told the skids. That's how she found out. I never told Asshat that DH and I got engaged. What I do is none of his business. The kids knew, I figured they would tell him. Or not.

Thanks for all of the

Thanks for all of the responses. My initial thought was right... it's none of her damn business and she can find out through the kids. She will probably have a freak out moment, but my BF can deal with her. He's the one that chose to marry her and have 3 children with her not me.

We didn't tell BM but boy

We didn't tell BM but boy when she saw my ring her face was priceless (DH picked a big rock.)

the first time DH and I had

the first time DH and I had to drag her ass into court post-engagement, she showed up with Lurch and a HUGE FAKE ring on her finger. Lurch was wearing a wedding band. Awesome Attorney, smartass that he is, noticed it and said "congratulations!"

She ignored him. While she was on the stand, she was asked her marital status. She said "single." Awesome Attorney commented about the rings and she said, "they're just for show." AA said "right, and it's a great show, too."

omg I would have such a hard

omg I would have such a hard time not laughing loudly

Dh refused to spend more then

Dh refused to spend more then $200 on BM's ring soooo she was pissed.

Yep, I loved that moment! My

Yep, I loved that moment!
My ring is over a carat and BMs eyes almost popped out of her head when she saw it!

No, I would not tell her.

No, I would not tell her. She's bound to find out from the kids eventually.

We didn't say anything to the

We didn't say anything to the kids nor BM when we got engaged but SD's are only 3 and 6. We just casually talked about wedding stuff in front of them.

We didn't care if they went back and said anything. We ended up getting married a few weeks later after getting engaged. I don't know if BM knew or not but we had mediation a few weeks after that and I'm sure she saw my ring and was told by her lawyer or ours that we were married. And well, if she didn't know through all that she sure did when I sent the last child support check with my new last name on it. lol

We didn't tell BM anything

We didn't tell BM anything until after we got married. We eloped and SD didn't know anything about it before either. My husband just sent BM a quick email letting him know that he had gotten married. In hindsight, I wish he hadn't even given her that courtesy.

You don't owe BM anything. It has no impact on her life if you guys get married. I would just let her find out from the kids if I were you.

Dh didn't tell BM until she

Dh didn't tell BM until she called screaming to find out why DHs parents had SS all weekend.

DH said because he got engaged.

BM then was screaming as to why SS was not included.

DH responded because it was an adult time and that ss did not need to be there. I think he was 11 at the time.

Bm then pulled a 180 and congratulated him. God she's so unpredictable.

Don't tell BM, she'll find out eventually and you don't need to give her the power of thinking she's that important in your personal life.