Getting accused due to ex wifes behavior in the past
This really does not have to do with the step children, but I am needing some help and I think that you all can really help me out.
Let me lay the ground work...
My husband was married at 18 years of age to his ex wife and was married for 15 years before they had issues and got divorced
After 15 years of marriage my husband gets served with divorce papers. Once everything came out my husband found out that his ex was cheating on him...with numerous guys from work. When I say numerous I mean like 5 to 7.
HE WAS DEVISTATED! The ex wife remarried within months of the divorce to one of the guys. My husband, on the other hand, waited 5 to 6 years to get married.
This brings me to my issue. My husband and I have been married now for two years. I told him on the front end that I am not one to cheat. I know this is easy to say...but really I am not. If i have issues I am open with them and have never given him a reason to think differently.
I know that his past experiences play a major role in the way he handles the situations between us. For example, just a few minutes ago my phone was acting up and it did not ring. My husband then calls my work phone...which is working. The first thing he said to me, "What are you doing?" It was one of those tones that was accusing and rough. I explained to him that my personal phone did not ring and he just didnt believe me. He then said, "What are you up to?" two different times. SO at this point, I feel like I am being accused of something. I explain to him the situation and still he doesnt believe me. I then tell him i have to go because I have to work.
I really feel like I have to pay for the ex-wifes behavior and I understand why. My husband has been hurt and he probably has flashbacks of him trying to call his ex at work and she not answering because she is doing other things that does not deal with work...such as other men.
I am very mature and for the most part look over it. But, today it set with me wrong. Because I love this man with all of my heart and would never hurt him and for him to think any less really offends me.
I have talked with him about how I feel like I am compared to his ex and how I have to get the backlash because of her actions. He always says he will try to do better.
Does anyone else out there have this problem...if so can you please give me some idea of what to do.
Thanks,
Even though I could
Even though I could understand why he might feel insecure, due to past events with his ex, it's still kind of controlling to call you at work or interrogate you about your whereabouts. He needs to hear that you feel uncomfortable of being accused of things.
As you re-assure him that you have no intentions cheating on him; you can also let him know how hurtful and offensive his behavior is to you. He might have difficulty understanding it, but it might be worth trying...
I have definitely had this
I have definitely had this problem with my husband. He was engaged three times before me, but never married. He has always wanted a "wife and family". The first girl he was engaged to he was only 17 and she moved back to Canadia. The second two girls that he was engaged to ran around on him (one of them was a stripper and the other a huge alcoholic). I think the worst one was the alcoholic ex. She went over to his best friends house drunk one night and told him that she had always had a crush on him and that she wished they would have hooked up instead of with my Hubby.
Anyways, it has gotten better over the years but it definitely took effort. Whenever he got suspicious of me for no reason, I immediately jumped on his case. I made sure he knew EVERYTIME it happened that I was NOT one of the other tramps he dated. I also made sure he knew that my faithfulness wasn't even about him either. Of course I love him, but my decision to not cheat or run around is because of my own morals. I don't want to live with the guilt of cheating. It would lower my self-esteem. I told him I'm not going to do something that will make MY LIFE worse.
He does sometimes still get suspicious(more like jealous), but that's just because he thinks every male that speaks to me is trying to get into my pants.