General problems
Okay, so I'm a 20yr old male. And I'm about to become a step father, it's a long story so I'll try to make it a short as possible.
My girlfriend and I got together when she was 18 weeks pregnant. She left her ex because he was a total jerk to her. She told him that she was pregnant when she first found out and he pushed her away and was real nasty to her. So we met and I was okay with taking the father responsibilities Ect. She told me that he didn't want anything to do with the baby and that he didn't believe it was his. He left her alone then all of a sudden he says he wants something to do with it. But he changes his mind a lot, I know that it's not going to my son but I'd do anything for my girlfriend and step son. She's at 25 weeks at the moment and hasn't heard anything from her ex until yesterday. How do I deal with his indesisivness and wanting to be apart of this child's life? I care deeply about my girlfriend, I just don't understand why he won't man up and make the effort towards her. It frustrates me to know he randomly wants something to do with his son. It makes it difficult for us cause my girlfriend wants nothing to do with the ex and she doesn't want her son to have anything to do with the father due to him being indesisivne. Can I please get some help on how to deal with this as it's frustrating me. What can I do to help? Or do I stay out of what my girlfriend and her ex discuss as it's not my child?
Your GF can not take it upon
Your GF can not take it upon herself to keep the child away from dad.
The father is around not now because he doesn't want to be with or deal with the mother. That doesn't mean he will walk away from his child. Your GF has to put her big girl panties on and accept the fact that this is the man she picked to have a child with. She doesn't get to shut him out because she thinks she has found a better candidate.
I have a 22 year old son. I would hate for him to be in your position or the father's. Hopefully you both have loving, involved parents who can talk some sense into you.
I would tell you to get away from that girl now and please do not get her pregnant. I would tell the other guy to get a DNA test. If he is the dad, head straight to court, request full custody, and get CS squared away.
My husband had his first
My husband had his first child at 17. He and BM broke up during her entire pregnancy. After SS was born, Dh started communicating with her. He decided to marry her so he could have more access to his son- divorced her two years later, and won custody of his children. My point of telling you this is that while she is pregnant, his son is not "real". Do not be surprised if he comes around more. My husband knew the whole time his plans of not staying with her, but did not know what else to do to see his boy. DH is nearly 30 now, and definitely not the same boy who married BM. Hell at 22 when I met him he wasnt. Keep it slow, do not become too attached to this baby, and accept the fact that dad will and should be around. Just make sure your GF gets a court order and goes through the proper channels legally. Do not do anything hasty, again, take it slow. Steplife is super hard- I can't imagine doing it at 20.