fun day at the apple orchard my ass!
So, myself, BF and SD9 decided to go apple picking today. I was all excited because I'd never gone before - even went out and bought pie shells this morning. We pull into the orchard and BF does something to piss me off to start with, which really wasn't a big deal, but considering how much I've been dealing with the last couple of weeks, along with the fact that my thyroid's messed up and no one seems to care to fix it - it was a big deal at the time and I thought that he was acting childish. So, right off the bat, I clammed up. We got back to the lines of trees where we started picking the kind of apple we (they) wanted. Finally he said to me that he wasn't trying to be mean (even though it seemed like it). So I loosened up a little and picked a couple of apples. Immediately, they're both swarmed on top of me telling me that one had a bug hole. I looked at it, saw no hole and said so, but what does SD9 do? Takes it out of my hand and throws it on the ground! I was SO PISSED. So, me being childish as well, quit talking, quit picking apples and followed them around while they did. Not to mention that BF picked one EXACTLY like the one I had but oh, that's ok. WTF?! Now, BF's mad at me and we're not speaking. I'm so sick of knowing that if I look at the princess funny, I'm going to get the silent treatment for awhile. He probably doesn't even realize what I'm upset about but, I'm sorry - I think that's very rude. Am I being ridiculous?
I think you need to zone out (in the words of the 60's generatio
I wrote this a long time ago and I hope this helps with your problem. It may not reflect your exact situation but you'll get the idea:
The situation with my step-kids finally got to the point where I decided that my efforts to raise them was futile.
First I told my wife in private what I was going to do and why.
Then I stopped investing myself, time and money in their upbringing. I realized that by conscious choice I could cease being responsible for them or their actions. Neither would I take credit for how they turned out, good or bad. I simply stopped interfering in their lives. This is not to say if they would start a fire on the living room floor I would not intervene. But if they did not do the laundry as scheduled I ignored it. Nor did I do any of their chores. If the trash overflowed in the kitchen - well tough. Mom dealt with it when she got home.
You will be absolutely amazed at the look on a kids face when s/he realizes you don't care enough to even tell their bio-parent they did something wrong. And you'll be amazed at their future behavoir and attitude towards you.
I stayed friendly enough and taught one how to drive when she was old enough. I took my spouse and SKs camping on occasion when my kids weren't around. I offered the s-kids advise on living in our world and made the obvious comments when it came to safety and such. But they could no longer blame me for the consequences of misbehaving just because I saw the misbehavoir. I never told. If they were caught in a infraction it was not my fault. They began to realize that they were responsible for their actions because of what they did not because I caught them.
I would talk to my wife in private if I had issues, but once she made the decision I backed her up 100%.
Once the kids realized I was no longer the ogre they thought I was their attitude changed. I was not their friend, but neither was I the enemy. They came to realize that I had not done those things to irritate them. They in fact missed the things that they had come to depend on me doing. Permission to go to the mall when their Mom was not home? "Sorry, can't do that".
Their mother slowly came to realize that I wasn't overreacting to their actions. In fact I wasn't reacting at all. She came to understand that she would have to control the situation and she did.
With that things got much easier around the house.
Billions of kids grew up in the world without help from me and turned out just fine.
that's the thing though
I didn't say anything. I like to think that he's conscious enough to see that her behavior was rude but he obviously didn't or didn't want to say anything b/c god forbid, he upset her then she can run to her mother who in turn will bitch him out for upsetting princess. I'm actually slowly moving in the direction that you describe but if I'm going to do that, I'm not sure that this is the place for me to be. If I'm not allowed to be involved or get upset with her, and have to walk on eggshells, I probably don't want to live my life like that. It's not my nature to be uninvolved.
I'm hesitant to disengage
I'm hesitant to disengage further because I'm disengaged enough as it is. I've got work, school on weekends plus health crap to deal with plus we only have her every other weekend so I'm just trying to do the best I can. I know parents do this stuff all the time and manage it but I don't have kids of my own and this is all so new to me and so much to deal with that I'm still trying to figure it out. I did talk to him about it and he said that he should have said something to her about her actions but was pissed at me for the incident that had happened between us earlier so he let it go. Which, by the way, I completely blew the incident out of proportion, but my mood swings are very severe due to the health crap. Not that that's an excuse for me to act like a jerk but it's absolutely a factor. In any case, at least he realized she was being a brat - progress for him. And he doesn't treat her like a princess, that's BM's job - we make her live in the real world unless we're fighting and then she gets away with stuff because it's easier for us. We did go out and buy her clothes to keep here so BM can't be a TOTAL psychopath about what gets sent and when. I didn't want to buy her more since BM spent $400 for school clothes and I don't want to spoil her but something had to be done about that situation.
how old are you two?
how old are you two?
I'm 31 and BF is 36 next
I'm 31 and BF is 36 next week
Being that you are all over
Being that you are all over the place with your emotions w/ thyroid issues (been there, done that, drank the radioactive iodine!), try to step away and choose your battles wisely.
Is it worth it to constantly walk on eggshells around the two of them? If they want to do the 'fun' things, let them do the fun things...while you do your own thing. Please explain to them that right now your patience is at an all-time low, and it's NOT always going to be this way. Once you get the correct dosage of thyroid meds in you, life will get easier for all of you.
Here's a secret that I've learned being with my hubby & SS6...I'm the photographer. I am not involved with the situation, but instead, on the sidelines taking pictures of the event. This way they get to bond with each other, and I get to record the memories. I'm there in case DH needs some help, but I'm out of the way so they can enjoy their time together.
It has created less stress on all our parts. I have a 21 & a 19 year old (both girls), so having a 6 year old boy in the house every other weekend is QUITE a change. I've found that taking pictures is one way of enjoying him, plus we get the memories in the form of photographs.
~*~Cheer up! It could be worse.
I cheered up, & it got worse!~*~
That's a great idea! That
That's a great idea! That way I can be involved without being so involved that I'm pissed off. Luckily, I've found out that my thyroid isn't the problem. The levels are elevated because I'm on birth control pills. That's why my T3 and T4 were up but TSH was normal. Now I'm being tested for 2 different adrenal disorders (one congenital, which my cousin has and one that causes small benign tumors on the adrenal glands). Won't get results back until at least the end of the week. I just hope that they figure something out because it makes dealing with everything that much harder!
Glad I could help. VERY
Glad I could help. VERY glad it's not your thyroid--having dealt with Graves Disease since the summer of 1984 is just NOT fun, so hopefully you can get it all figured out.
That's a trip that the BC pills are causing all the inaccurate test results! Hopefully the test results will show sooner than later for you.
Enjoy the photography--my SS6 just LOVES looking at pictures of himself. Of course, he just loves LOOKING at himself--in mirrors ALL THE TIME! So of course he's amenable to seeing himself!
~*~Cheer up! It could be worse.
I cheered up, & it got worse!~*~