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Frustrated

dorastepmom's picture

My 7-year-old step son was diagnosed a few months ago as being ADHD. Ok. So he goes on Concerta, and that's supposed to help.
We (his mother, father, and I) had to switch him school districts because he was put on a long-term suspension at the other school because of his behavior. At 7 YEARS OLD. He constantly refuses to do what he is told. He makes himself as difficult to deal with as he can.
Now the same thing happened today at his new school. He makes terrible threats that are older than his years. He doesn't seem to have any respect for adults. Punishments have no effect.
His parents act like he can do no wrong. When I bring things up with his father, suddenly I become the bad guy. I understand that parents want to see the best in their kids, but there is clearly something wrong.
I am frustrated and afraid and tired of feeling guilty for not wanting to deal with the crap anymore. The child is very smart, and I KNOW that he knows he is doing wrong. I feel right now like he is going to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it, and no consequences are going to make a darn bit of difference.
I love my man, but dang.....it gets really stressful sometimes. It's tiresome being written off because I'm not biological. I've been around the kid since he was 19 months old.
Ok, rant over. I think. ;{

evangeline's picture

ss9 has ADD and anxiety disorder, both of which strike at times when its homework and bedtime...such a co-incidence. As with yours, he can do no wrong and if I say anything Im just saying it because I dont like them, thats part of it but not all of it. I see him spoiling and bending rules I thought we had made together. I love DH too otherwise I wouldnt be here but quite honestly Im reaching the end of my rope, thinking about family councilling now.

Pantera's picture

My ss has ADHD and I wish it just struck at homework and bedtime, lol. He was prescribed Concerta at first, now he is on Ritalin. It seems that the medicine isn't working. Have you tried change of dose, or maybe you could change the medication? I know the medicine isn't going to stop the behavior, the medicine is there to help the child focus and help the child to focus to not act on impulses. I would try changing the dose.

On another note, I agree with Cheesedoff. There is an ADHD diet. Theres a list of the best and worst foods for people with ADHD. There are also some other things you can try to do. Fish Oil, EXERCISE or any type of playing where they are constantly moving (playing outside, soccer, riding a bike, ect., to get the energy out), you can try the rewards system for behavior (which didn't work for us), counseling is a good idea too. In many cases children with ADHD are also diagnosed with ODD (operational defiant disorder), although my SS was not diagnosed with that but fits the criteria. Kids with ADHD act on impulse, so they will do what they are thinking and say what they are thinking without thinking about it first. We are trying to teach SS to control that. SS is 10 now, we literally had to teach him to stop crying about everything (i mean tears and all), and that was up until last year when we put him on medicine!!! It is hard and stressful and we are here if you need us!!!

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

Snowflake's picture

It may take a few months for the medication to work. Or it may take a different type of medication. There is more than just ritatlin based medication for ADHD. There are different formulations of the ritalin... like focalin, daytrana, metadate. Then there are non-ritalin (non-stimulent) based medication like straterra. It may take a while for the medication to take affect, or it may take a different type of medication. It may also take some behavior modification therapy in addition to medication.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD- Hyperactive when he was 7, but I think he has outgrown the hyperactive part. He does really well with structure. He started thriving when he was introduced to sports and organized activities. He tends to get bored really easily when he has free time.

Do either of his parents have ADHD? Or perhaps they were undiagnosed as children? If so, that could be why they are so sympathetic to him.

Another thought- if medication and behavior modification doesn't work, and he seemingly gets worse, then could it be possible that a wrong diagnosis of ADHD was made.

Pantera's picture

Snowflake...

Excellent points.

My DH has ADHD (yes, its fun at my house, lol) and he is very sympathetic towards SS's ADHD. But lately he has been looking at it in a different light. SS is getting the help early as a child and DH never got any help as a child with his ADHD. So it is getting better, DH is no longer blaming everything on ADHD and is no longer against the medication since it has changed SS's life in a good way.

Also, if medication and behavior modification isn't working, ADHD is most likely not the problem.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus