I'd say you dodged a bullet. 

She's 13, it will only get worse.  See a lawyer for your child support.  I'm sorry.

Unless you want the rest of your life to look like what you have now. Personally, a man who lets a 13 year old control if he has another kid (I read your other posts and you implied she had a strong part in this decision) really needs to live his life with THAT person. I'm sorry.

If this is what life with him is like, being single is preferable. 

If you break up.. it is NOT because of SD.

She is an immature teen.. they say and do things that are immature.. petty.. and many times it's a response to the stress they are experiencing in their own lives.. that they feel little control over.. like a parent's divorce.. new partners.. new locations etc.. or even stress with school and friends.. any number of things.. at that age kids are often self centered and moody. 

Her response at that age to her dad having a baby is actually understandable too.  She may see it as you took some of his attention.. now there is another baby who will take more.  It brings up feelings of insecurity in a kid... and she expressed those feelings of unhappiness by saying things that were disparaging about the pregnancy.  It's also kind of "ick" for a teen to think about their parent doing the baby deed as well...

That does not mean it was right or that she should not have been talked to by her father to explain that her words are hurtful and that she needs to learn to communicate in a more healthy way if she is upset about something.

The makeup theft has also been talked about repeatedly in your post.. and I'm not sure if that is really the only thing that makes you brand her a thief.. but she would not be the first kid to sneak makeup out of mom's stash and she may have thought she had more latitude to take it since you used to allow her to play in it.. but again.. a firm explanation on taking things without permission is not right.. and that she will lose allowance for a month to replace items ... you won't get it all back.. much of it is probably ruined..lost.. shared with her friends.. she can't give it back..so you will never get the full accounting.  

If her father ignored her taking your things.. that's a problem.. if he addressed it.. extracted an apology and assigned consequences.. at some point.. it's then up to you to move past it.  you don't have to leave your things out to be stolen.. but you have to let go of that slight.. and get over it.. holding a grudge is not giving anyone a fair chance.

and.. perhaps that is what is frustrating your DH?  There are a few things you use as your reasons for hating his kid.. and he likely feels if you can't move past things that have been dealt with.. what else do you expect him to do...  he doesn't want to feel he can't see his daughter.. or always has to see her separate from you.. he doesn't see that as a viable path forward.

So.. again.. while her actions were wrong.. the reality is it is how your DH is prioritizing you.. and addressing your concerns that is the problem.. not his daughter.  Kids do stuff that is wrong.. they are growing and learning.. they will make mistakes.. it's how their parents react and deal with those mistakes that make the difference between your relationship working and not working.

I am so sorry you are hurting right now. It sucks when what we hoped was our happily ever after turns out to be a poop bubble. I'm applauding you though. It takes courage to see a situation you hope will change and to grasp that it will never change. 

I do think you've made his daughter the bad guy when in reality it is him. He is the one causing you this pain. He is the one allowing his daughter free rein over your household and he is the one who would rather lose you than change his ways. Him. 

The beauty of life is that we are humans and humans can see the error in our ways and change them. But only if we want to. He doesn't want to. You deserve more. You deserve respect in your home and you see that that is not going to happen. Better to raise your little one in a home where honesty and respect matter, even if it means raising your little one alone. See an atty. Then move on with your life. Your happily ever after is still out there, it isn't tied to a partner, it's tied to you being treated the way you should be by others and by yourself. Never settle for less. 

Its awful that he immediately "punished" you by taking away a treat but refuses to manage his daughter's behaviour.

Best walk away from this relationship.

Every 2yrs or as frequently as your State allows.

When he cries about his CS obligation to your child, tell him to get it from his first failed family spawn.

This man is screwed up beyond all recognition. He is NOT relationship material, and his behavior will destroy every one he embarks on. Please don't go back to that insanity. Raise your child as far away from him as possible.

Dictate what kids you have. The mistake your partner gave was allowing sd to think she had a say in your bedroom/intimacy issues that should always remain between you two. 
 

your partner refuses to control, discipline his daughter for unacceptable behaviour yet expects you to suck it up. Thats shows he has no respect for you because if he had love and respect for you, you, he would be extremely hurt and upset about this.

My 2 stepdaughters refused to be civil, respectful and did everything they could to destroy our holidays and make it revolve around their biomum and stepdad. I refused to be at any event or holidays and hubby didn't want ou holidays and family tim ruined by sd's out of petty narcissism so we don't go on holidays with them. In my husband's mind, if they refuse to be civil and respectful, then they do not get rewarded with a holiday.

you aren't first priority in your husbands life. The fact you have a kid with him hasn't motivated him to ensure that toxic cycle of dysfunctional shitshow from exwife and his daughter from that marriage doesn't continue towards your household. Your partner isn't ready for marriage or a new relationship and the responsibilities that come with it.

my husband still is at times a Disney guilty dad and has acknowledged its a work in progress but he refuses to be held hostage by skids and exwife. He refuses to allow that dysfunction screw up and permeate our marriage and kids

thank goodness you are not married quite yet. Please do not marry this dud(e) unless he goes to therapy or changes the way he deals with things.

He is willing to sacrifice you and your very young child together to appease and not upset his teen princess. She sounds like a mini-wife and he is her parent-spouse. You are the side piece. This will not get better it will get worse, because daddy cakes is going to keep this dynamic going.

Get thee to a lawyer!!!! Thats what you do. Go as no contact as you can. Go for full custody.

Good luck, Im so sorry you are going through this.

Access your worth as being more than you have been shown by this sorry excuse for a man. You have saved yourself and probably your child from years of misery.  Don't look back. Adults discuss and resolve issues; we don't 'punish' other adults as if they were children.  Remember this if you are tempted to go back to him. Change the locks and get court ordered child support as soon as possible. 

Kick him in the @ss on the way out. 

File for child support. 

Good for you! You will be glad you aren't raising your child around that. 

He should be getting the same or more money then SD.  You know he's nuts and you are going to get nowhere with him,  He made his choice, that was SD, not you and his family . Don't give up.  You have 20 years of CS. 

Stop letting them hurt you, stop giving them space in your head, and stop continuing to serve yourself up as a sacrifical offering on the alter of martyrdom to their polluted gene pool.  

Do nothing but go for  his throat for every penny possible for your shared child, do not interface with him on anything directly other than visitation and route everything else through your solicitor.  He so much as twitches out of line with your STB court order, beat the snot out of him legally, financially, and socially.

The key is that your give a shit about them has to be absolutely zero beyond bringing a state of abject misery when they deviate from the CO and from the standards of reasonable behavior that you set.

You are the only one who lets them hurt you. So stop letting them hurt you.

You owe yourself and your son the best life you can live. So live well.  In addition to the joy of living well, embrace that living well is also the best revenge. Enjoy living that revenge while your X and his prior failed family progeny wallow in their shallow and polluted gene pool.

Your  son is blessed to not have to share fully in the stench of that genetic cess pool his Spermidiot is brewing.  My SS-31 won the mom lottery and has overcome the shallow and polluted end of his own gene pool.  He is an only in our marriage and the eldest of 4 all out of wedlock by three different baby mamas for his Spermidiot.  #2 is on the dole, #3 is in prison, and #4 is not far behind the convict.  My son is kicking ass in his life and is a man of character, honor, and standing in his life, profession, and community.

You keep doing the right things for you and your son.

Take care of you and your LO.

You made the right decision. Things will only get worse as she gets older. Love is not enough to make a relationship work when there are other factors such as this (poorly behaved, abusive stepkids) involved. Stepkids can make or break a relationship just like other things can (addiction, abuse, adultery, etc.) You shouldn't have to put up with that. Life is too short.