It’s really uncool.

Any man who prioritizes hanging out with his ex over hanging out with his current partner is waving red flags all over the place. He isn't over her or they are not emotionally separated yet. He is not ready for a relationship at this time. 

Out, out, out, please love yourself enought to get out now. You know it in your heart. LISTEN to your heart.. This is the pot calling the kettle black, because I can't take my own advice. I'm trying to save you if I can't save myself. One day you will wake up and say wtf? As another woman who wants better for another woman, show him who you are. More. You are more than this. With all my love and respect. 

You know that, I know that. Everybody in there right mind knows that 

To come over.

daddy coming over to ex’s home to console kids with ex ended when he remarried and ended that prior relationship. He can do phone calls etc but i find it inappropriate him going There after work and ot even bother being upfront... it already makes you  suspicious could something be going on with the exwife which is a horrible feeling

It's uncool for him to disappear until 1 am no matter who he's drinking with.  Sounds like your DH has an alcohol problem, that's one of the signs.

The fact that it was BM and he used his kid as an excuse makes it 10x worse. I'm sure SD felt very comforted having two drunk parents at the helm.

His alcohol problem is most likely the REAL issue here.

Maybe this instance is a blessing in disguise for you... from your post it doesn't mention you are married, so I am guessing a long term relationship- and you don't mention any children between the two of you.  Forgive me if I misread this information. 

So it sounds like it would be a rather "clean" break?  What I mean by that is no need for divorce proceedings, custody issues, etc.  I am not meaning it would be "clean" emotionally- I too am going through something similar in deciding whether I should end mine (not married, but there will be custody issues).  So, I am definitely not an expert on rleationships by any means, but I can lend my support for you and just my opinion. 

This may have been what you needed to see who he really is, and an "out" for you before things get too heavy or something more emotionally damaging happens.  His behavior is totally unacceptable, period.  Aside from drinking until 1 AM, the company he was keeping was not appropriate, his reasoning is absurd, and you didn't make any mention of him texting or calling you at any point.  He couldn't even shoot over a text to you saying he was headed over there after he found out daughter was "anxious?"

Things just aren't adding up- not trying to put thoughts into your head, but my first instinct when he was so "honest" with you about what was going on was so you wouldn't keep pressing the issue.  If something more inappropriate happened, it wouldn't surprise me- especially with people blaming alcohol for all of their "I wasn't thinking and it just happened" scenarios.

Again, not trying to put thoughts into your head- but things like this do happen and its a possibility, because he put himself in a very vulnerable scenario with her.  Now, since it happened once, it's also likely to happen again. 

You should be a priority to him, especially if you are in a serious, long term relationship.  If there was something very serious going on with the daughter, then fine, I could MAYBE see staying over there for a while- but AFTER a message to you saying what was going on, with no drinks involved.  And anxiety?  How serious is this anxiety issue?  As a former teacher of middle and high school, most students I taught thought they had "anxiety issues," and are just fine.  Just trying to understand the issue more than what I am reading on the surface.

Step-issues are hard, and they can be life-consuming.  Life-draining and life-changing, if you'll allow me to be a little dramatic.  This isn't the case in every instance, but I feel rather safe saying it's the norm.  It's even harder to deal with when you and your partner are not strong and on the same page.  I don't want to see you feel "stuck" in a relationship like this, especially with the added issues of step daughter's "anxiety" (whether it's legit or not), ex wife and your partners' close relationship, him prioritizing other things, etc.; plus, you'll have these issues your whole life!  Ex wife, the ex's family, step daughter- they all come along with school graduations, funerals, weddings, grand children, and whatever else life throws your way. 

I know it's just not as easy as it sounds, but I would seriously think about ending it and finding a new path in life where you'll be happier, not so suspicious, and not treated second-rate. 

I would definitely be suspicious and questioning the relationship. I don't like that he didn't even let you know he was over there until he rolled in. He very well could have told you anything else and you might not have even questioned it.

At the same time, he did tell you the truth about where he was. That sort of makes me think he assumes you trust him and would be OK with this.

I think you need to look at his behavior and your relationship as a whole -- not just this incident. Does he often disappear that long without calling? Is he one to get swept up in fun and just go with it and lose track of time? Or is he steady as a rock and this was an unusual occasion for him to not call and be out so late? Have your spidy senses alerted to anything weird with his relationship with his ex before now?

If you want to be in this relationship, I think I'd wait this out and keep a better eye on him. However, I wouldn't blame you for cutting it off now either. I think without knowing other details of his personality and your relationship makes it hard to gauge what this means. Perhaps they just got to talking and it really was nothing. But if trust has been an issue, it will be hard to shake this off easily.

You have in a lot of time on this relationship. Think about the chance of this being them talking and nothing more. If it just feels too wrong to be believed, you know what to do. If you think, well, maybe they just got to talking, and you can believe it even a little, maybe wait it out and see what happens. If you do that, you might eventually have to address his hours-long visits with his ex if you can't live with it.

You were betrayed and you should be hurt.  And he should be gone. 

Call the locksmith, rekey the locks, and put this sneaky asshole on the curb. He can then go have drinks with his X.

That is what I would do if I were you.

Time to lock this man out forever, pack his bags and tell him to be with the ex---you are moving on. No reasonable woman would accept this treatment and nobody should have to accept it either.

oh my. Get out. This won't be the last time.

My parents divorced when I was 4, mom remarried when I was 8. I never saw my dad much. But one night when I was 12, I found my step dad crying and my mom wasn't home....it was really late. Come to find out....she was with my DAD and they were getting back together out of the blue 8 years later.

It wasn't long before step dad moved out and dad moved in. Crazy! But that old flame between my parents never went away.

Woah, when I first read this I honestly was assuming it was a brand new relationship.  You have been together for 5 years and he pulled this stunt?! 

I would certainly be done.

I can imagine how hurt you are and its obvious that your partner and his exwife have some unresolved feelings between them. Don't make excuses that he loses track of time. He was very well aware what he was doing. Now its up to you to decide how you will handle this.....don't let him think this gives him the green light and he can do it again.

I am not going to tell you to run. At least not yet. But you have suffered a betrayal. That hurts and probably changes the relationship permanently. 

You need boundaries in place. He must be absolutely committed to respecting those boundaries. And otherwise absolutely committed to keeping his word about everything. If he says he’ll be home by 6, he better not be home at 6:05. 

He must also acknowledge his mistake and give you a sincere apology. Not “I’m sorry you were worried.” Not “I’m sorry if you are hurt.”  But a sincere “I’m sorry I made this mistake. I know I was wrong and I feel terrible that it hurt you.”

He must be patient while you heal. You will be angry and hurt and moody and teary rather randomly. If he tells you ONE TIME that you need to “just” get over it, you will know that he cares more about himself than he does you. He doesn’t want to face the pain he caused. 

Sadly, I know too much about this. One of my conditions for DH was that he get himself into counseling immediately. He did. He has done everything I’ve asked of him. We are still together, and some things are better than they were prior to his betrayal. But the relationship is indeed permanently changed. 

Hugs to you. It sucks. 

Oh my.  Nope.  Not cool.

Whether or not they have unresolved business together aside, he is a grown man in a relationship.  Being out that late drinking on its own is inappropriate!  Then add in the BM factor and hell to the no!

No woman (or man for that matter) would tolerate this crap!

Wow. First, why does he need to go running to BM’s house just because SD is feeling anxious? Unless she’s threatening to hurt herself or others, there was no need for that. If she was threatening to hurt herself, she should have been taken to the hospital for the help she needs. If it was just a case of anxiety her mother should be able to deal with it, or your BF should have taken SD out. Entering BM’s home ‘for the kids’ is inappropriate.

Having a drink with his ex was unacceptable, and an apology doesn’t cut it. I’d absolutely be questioning what was happening between them & you’re right for feeling betrayed. I think taking time away from the home & your relationship is a smart move. He clearly doesn’t have his priorities on straight & he’s broken your trust in an enormous way. The fact you’ve been together for 6 years makes it even worse. What an ahole.

Absolutely unacceptable. You are in the right. Think long and hard about this because what you do next will determine your future with this man. 

I wouldn't tolerate it if my husband was alone at ANY woman's house drinking until the early hours. It's disrespectful and inappropriate. Drinking with someone has nothing to do with co-parenting unless you're all at a celebration for your child.

Even if nothing happened he has put you in a situation where you have to question your trust of him.