Family reunion time- F*%# my life
FDH's family reunion is approaching, I have been to two reunions in 3 years and I know I do not want to go. It's the same weekend as a local car show we have also had to miss since it always falls on that weekend and this year I REALLY want to go to the car show.
FDH asked me if I want to go, I told him I honestly do not. Thats was the end of the conversation.
Some facts from the past reunions I went to:
*The family reunion is a few hours away in the next state over
*When the reunion is here NO one comes (like last year) but when it's there everyone from here is expected to go
*SD17 can't WAIT to go which means she will be going with us, staying in a hotel with us etc. :sick:
*I get the stink eye and no one really talks to me bc A) they have no idea who I am and can't seem to remember year to year 
They have this loyalty with his exwife
*FDH gets stuck at the grill which leaves me awkwardly alone with all these people who have no interest in getting to know me
*There is never enough food. Ever
*Last year there was drama and exwife wanted to go to his reunion so she waited in the parking lot in the park but didn't get the balls to come out of her car- then drove by the after party :? But she's still a part of the family bc her kids are right????
Fuck my life
So yesterday at a grad party, SD17 asked about the family reunion, FDH pipes up and says "Yea! I want to go!!!" :jawdrop: Ummmmmm, What? We had not talked about it after our initial converstaion so I just assumed we weren't going.
I ask him this morning, he said he wants to go but I guess we aren't going because I don't want to. He said I guess mybio10 isn't going to do anything fun this summer since *I don't want to go out of town to the family reunion and *I can't get along with SD17 and she would be with us the entire time.
He refuses to go without me- It's all my fault
Please advise- I'm just pissed
Pat him on the butt and send
Pat him on the butt and send him on his merry way to his reunion while you have a conveniently conflicting girl activity (the car show.) }:)
Buy a car while he is away and surprise him with it in the garage when he returns from the reunion. Tell him you bought yourself a new baby.
Have fun.
I'm also gonna bring his hot
}:)
I'm also gonna bring his hot rod up there and enter it! Hahaha
Burn out contest? Yes please!!!! }:) }:) }:)
Maybe, I'm not getting the
Maybe, I'm not getting the whole picture so forgive me when I ask...why can't you just stay home? Can't DH and SD go without you? It's "their" family reunion, you feel awkward and unwelcome. So why put yourself through that? Just tell him to go and enjoy the one on one time with his family and kids.
Or...you could plan on going and be "excited" about it and suddenly become ill just before the trip and insist they go without you. "Please don't miss this important event on my account. Go and have fun DOn't worry about me, I'll be OK."
He's being a vagina about it!
He's being a vagina about it! He won't go out of town with out me- not sure why he just won't. I think he knows it's going to be super lame and I'm a great excuse to spoil it for everyone. He's trying to manipulate and guilt me into going. It just hasn't been a good experience for me and I would rather light my hair on fire then spend 48 hours non stop with SD17.
I guess we will have to bring this issue up in therapy and come to an agreement? He's expecting me to cave
Plus there is not enough food
Plus there is not enough food to go around!!!
This is blasphemy! Who the heck organizes a family reunion and runs out of food!?!?
That's just wrong, wrong, WRONG!!!!
There were times that I
There were times that I wished my ex-MIL had run out of food at the reunions .. so I'd have an excuse to not have to choke any down }:)
RARGH! That's it! THAT IS
RARGH!
That's it! THAT IS IT!!! If I ever win the loto jackpot, I am flying you all to my place for our family BBQ!
I FEEL LOVED!!!!
I FEEL LOVED!!!!
(No subject)
Thats exactly it! It's not
Thats exactly it! It's not organized well at all! It's more like a pot luck type thing- not catered!
The amount of people who bring things to share < the amount of rude people who pig out and don't bring shit
Ugh!
As a proud owner of a vagina,
As a proud owner of a vagina, I am offended...LOL Seriously, this should be hammered out in therapy. He really needs to see your point of view. I don't know why that seems so hard for a DH to do, but if only they could see it from our eyes there wouldn't be the need for all the arguments and for therapy for that matter! Good luck.
LOL that's a good one!
LOL that's a good one!
I'm a proud owner as well
I'm a proud owner as well
He says I just have anxiety and the last one we went to out of state I had so much fun......umm yea, he paid for his kids to have their own room which he's not doing this year, my bio was with my family so she wasn't even there and we ditched the reunion and went to the casino and the bar........thats not how this year will be, at all.
Also, SD17 is a royal bitch to my bio and thats not going to last a millisecond- It's just not a good idea. You are right, I wish he could see my point of view.
If he "refuses" to go without
If he "refuses" to go without you, then that's HIS choice and it's on him. Totally not your fault. Are you his mommy, that you can forbid him from doing something? Or is he a grown ass man who can kiss his wife, wish her fun at the car show, and go visit his sucky family by himself? Your DH is being really passive/aggressive here in blaming you!
I know he is! I sounded
I know he is!
I sounded really sweet and said "Why don't you and SD17 go, have special alone time which is what she wants anyway and that way we all get wat we want" He said "NOPE! It's called FAMILY reunion to be with your family for a reason and if I'm not going he's not going" WTF He also said I will never get to know his family if I don't go........UGH They don't WANT to get to know me!!!
You just can't win here.
You just can't win here. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. So, think about it all very carefully. Which is the lesser of 2 evils for YOU. DOn't worry about DH getting his knickers in a twist. He will no matter what you choose. So you need to worry about his wife...YOU. What will make you feel better? If he won't go without you, that's his problem. If he chooses to stay home and mope, go to the car how w/o his cranky self and ENJOY your weekend. If you decide to go to the reunion with him, give him rules that you need followed. Bring a book and read while everyone is "reuniting". Screw them. They can't spoil your mood unless you let them. It's NOT easy (boy do I know that) but it is, ultimately, up to you
Or do as I said before, pretend to be willing to go and then suddenly have an incurable case of diarrhea and you're afraid to leave the house let alone sit in car for hours on end...
Then...go to the car show ALONE and enjoy! Either way take care of yourself. Don't compromise yourself to make someone else happy. Those days need to go!
Great advice
Great advice
For the past 13 years DH and
For the past 13 years DH and I have gone to every family reunion 2 hours away. Everyone must pay beforehand because the food is catered. If you want, you can bring an item for the family auction afterwards and the money goes to pay for the hall. I have a blast at the auctions - I'm the one that gets the bids going HIGH!
However, the ex-wife was invited and I was pissed and hurt; it embarrassed DH that she was there. Finally, I told DH that I am not comfortable going anymore as long as the ex is there; after all, it's a FAMILY reunion. So I was very surprised when DH called his cousin that handles the reunion and it was somewhat of a "it's her or us" conversation. The ex's has never been back since.
If you don't want to go, then DON'T GO!!! Your DH is a big boy; go to the car show and enjoy YOUR time!
Take your bio10 with you to
Take your bio10 with you to the car show. Tell dh that you need to do something fun with bio10.
My dh used to get mad at me when I stopped doing all of the nightly sports activities with the skids. I didn't get out of work until 5:30 and was tired and I couldn't keep doing this stuff 4x a week. He'd get out of his work at 2:30 so he had time to relax before packing them up and going off to a sporting activity. I held my ground and I think the skids enjoyed the time alone w/ their father - it was good for everyone all around!
I feel your pain. DW's
I feel your pain. DW's family reunion is this summer, and I also dread going. None of her family really knows who I am, nor do they care to get to know me so I feel a little ostracized. Then there's the fact that we don't have any kids together, so it's like I have no tie-in to anyone there. For kicks, we're an interracial couple so I'll be the ONLY black person there and most of her extended family is redneck, so you KNOW how excited I am to go. :sick:
I really don't want to go to another one, but I've learned to pick and choose my battles. My wife is standing by her promise to not allow SD24 to move back in, so I figure the LEAST I could do is attend a family reunion.
DH and I don't have kids
DH and I don't have kids together but we have 3 dogs, 3 goats, and 50 chickens (and call me morbid) but I get more affection from my animals than I ever did from DH's kids. It should matter what race you are; you're the spouse, but I understand where you're coming from. I'm younger than my DH and that REALLY pisses off the ex-wife.
Learn to pick and choose your battles - I haven't heard that phrase in a long time.
Thats how I feel too, WE have
Thats how I feel too, WE have no kids together either. In general I'm a friendly person and try to be open and say hi to people even when I don't want to be there and I'm still the oddball, still excluded. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm 20+ years younger then BM (she was older then FDH).
I def see where you are coming from, and I agree to pick and choose battles but I'm also not going to set myself up for a battle I'll never win- esp a weekend with SD17. I have to suck up a lot of shit being in this relationship and FDH literally doesn't have to do shit. My bio's father was never in the picture, my family lives across the US; he has no clue whats it's like to constantly be put in uncomfortable, unwelcoming situations and me pressuring him and guilting him into these family gatherings. Like someone else said, he should put his big boy pants on and take his brat kid.
>*There is never enough food.
>*There is never enough food. Ever<
WHAT!?!? :jawdrop:
But...but....How?
Why!?!?!
WHYYYYYY!?!?
Oh the inhumanity! What kind of people are these!?
Seriously. This is clearly
Seriously. This is clearly not MY family. At our last family reunion my mother either made, bought, or organized (meaning other people offered to bring things) enough food for about 100 extra people (this was a party for about 50 people). She is incapable of making less than enough food - she always assumes everyone is going to be ravenous, and also bring at least one unexpected guest.
Yeah that's like my family.
Yeah that's like my family. My house, my parent's house and my brother's house form the points of a triangle. In fact, the neighborhood calls it "Drac0's family triangle". Like the Bermuda triangle a strange phenomenon occurs. People who enter it don't dissappear, they get overstuffed with food!
ETA: Unless you're my SS. You can't imagine the arguments I have with my Mom and Dad "But I DO FEED HIM!!!! I don't know why he is so freakishly skinny!"
WE NEED A LIKE BUTTON ON
WE NEED A LIKE BUTTON ON STEPTALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your DH is being childish. If
Your DH is being childish. If you don't want to go, don't go. He's not your parent and can't force you. And I like the earlier advice of making sure your SD knows that you've encourage DH to go with just her.