Extended Family
How do you deal with the extended family? The BMs parents(grandparents) are very involved in the childrens lives. Which is a good thing. I think it's important that the BM's parents have a relationship with their grandchildren. But my question is how do you begin to build a life with BF (we are not married yet) and involve him in your life and family when he is always spending time with the exs family. BF will take the kids to the exs parents house for the weekend and he will spend the night too with the grandparents. He even has invited me to go as well, which I'm not really comfortable with at this time. I am just wondering how will he be able to build a new family with me and if we had a child how will he make room for us and my parents ( family) when he is always spending time with the exs family. I would love some opinions on how you manage this. Right now I just feel like it's going to be difficult for me and BF to start a life together when he current children are heavily involved with the exs family. BF has primary custody of the kids.
I guess it depends on how
I guess it depends on how long you've been dating. If its relatively soon and you're not quite serious then I would just hold out a bit. If you're serious about getting married and having a family together, including children of your own, then I would discuss it with him. A good way to gage his reaction is to invite him and his children over to your extended families place. See what happens.
My DH isn't involved with his X-tended family but I was before we got serious. As time went on I saw them less and less. The only time I come around now is when there's a family member that in town on my watch. And even with that I hand the kiddos off to my XH or drop them off mingle for a few minutes perhaps then leave. Mind you I get along fairly well with my X and his wife.
We've only been dating for
We've only been dating for five months but I still think it's kinda strange for BF to be spending the night at the ex's parents house. How common is this? How do you deal with the ex's family when they are very involved in the children's lives?
Yes its unusual but not
Yes its unusual but not unheard of. It sounds to me like your bf has been unofficially adopted as one of their own. So instead of referring to the grandparents as X-family think of them as bf's pseudo parents. A family away from family to put into words. Take your BF's offer and go over there and meet them. You'd be surprised how much this can put you at ease. In turn, invite BF and kids over to your parents place. You'll find your answer
If you do get serious,
If you do get serious, relationships like this evolve and you do have some input there. But I would try to meet them and get to know them, so you know what their environment is like, etc.
I will say it is nice that they still include him, so maybe they are very nice people and could be allies in the future for you. Maybe give them a chance?
_________________________________________________________
“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham