You have your answer. I don't know what else he can do to show you. Does he need to bring the other woman home for you to believe?? Read his texts, that should be enough to tell you in black and white what is going on. I'm sorry, I know it's rough, but next time he leaves to hang out with "his friends" you need to change the locks. Separate finances. He does not respect you or your marraige, but you need to respect yourself and stand up and say enough is enough. HE is having a hard time emotionally with this?? Are you f'ing kidding me??!!

If I can go back and change things now, I would have had my ex served with divorce papers at his work in front of his coworkers, so they all know what scum he is. I would have also had the girl served with a no contact order in front of her work too, then another one served at her apartment in front of her neighbors.

My ex did the same thing.... brought skids into my life.... I gave MORE than I had, my time, my emotions, my finances,... anything I could give I did... even when I was spent and had nothing left to give.
So AFTER the court battle was through what did DH (Dick Head) do?? Start screwing my best friend! Thanks alot!

With distance and time I really feel now that he did me a great favor.... He is now pulling the same crap with my friend.... he WILL NOT learn and WILL continue to jump for marriage to marriage taking nothing new learned each time....

Be strong honey, you don't deserve this.... if dh has checked out there is really nothing you could do other than embarass yourself.... I hate to say it so bluntly but I know what its like to be cheated on and left and to be willing to do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING to get that person to stay with you.... I can tell you it worked a few times and my ex did stay.... but the inevitable was always there and it was only a matter of time....

If hes willing to treat you this way.... if this kind of behavior is even an option.... you need to RUN and RUN FAST.... there is better out there for you.... I didn't think I would ever move on and I'll tell you what.... not only is my bf more loving, supportive, strong, he is absolutely everything I have ever wanted but was beginning to think was just not out there.... They are out there.... Ask yourself too... what are you REALLY holding on to with dh?? Drama, bs, getting humiliated, comming in second place (in more ways than one).... I think once you put into perspective what you are letting go of.... letting go will become a whole lot easier!

Its not your fault. I feel that if he loves you, he would ditch the other woman and try to make things work. Hang in there, it will all be ok. Take some YOU time!!!

Once a cheater always a cheater....no matter what the circumstances are. All the stuff you do and he is going to do that to you. No way would I put up with that.. Find someone who really wants to be with you emotionally and physically.

You're giving him the best of both worlds. Be done. Go to a friends house or your parents. Don't help with his child. If he's trying to figure out what life would be like without you. Show him. Hopefully that will force him into getting his head straight.

but you are giving it to him by allowing it to be his decision. Although it is hard, you will feel better leaving (or making him leave). Don't let him use you like this, keep you dangling and on the shelf like a toy he's saving for later.

I had to do this once. The father of my first DD was a philanderer, He still is, he was 21 then but it was chronic. Finally, one day, I found another girl's shoes in our car. I threw them at him, called my parents and flew home, 3000 miles away. He chased me but I didn't take him back.

In my case, it was over and like I said, chronic. In your case, get your own space, mentally, emotionally, physically. Then let him earn back his spot with you, if he wants back and you want him back. You were probably making him have to grow up in the stepfamily situation, and/or expressing your own hurts and difficulties. He escaped to another relationship. But it will be the same with her. You almost have to strip down your marriage to the floor and rebuild.

Short recap of my story: exFH cheated between buying ring and proposing in a one night stand with his ex who was married to someone else. She popped out twins; hence, I joined this site. He begged me not to leave. We went to counseling and delayed the wedding. Nine months later after he had to tell me because the twins had arrived, he decided he couldn't make me and BM happy, so he chose to be a single dad making BM happy. I was devestated at both the hard points of my story, and so, I know the shock feeling you must be feeling. I know the pain and the numbness and disbelief. I know you're looking for reasons why and your husband told you what he sees as some of his reasons. HOWEVER, there's no excuse for cheating. That was HIS choice. HIS action. NOT YOURS!!!!! Sweetie, don't take the blame for that. It's perfectly ok to stand up and admit that you aren't perfect and might have made mistakes in your relationship, too, but HIS cheating is HIS mistake. And, if he's continuing this affair, he's not recommitting to your marriage. Personally, I'm not a super fan of your husband because a.) He's leaving you hanging. (I went through that, too, and it sucks.) b.) Right now, he's having his cake and eating it, too c.) Leaving you and ss like that is inexcusable. Taking a step to stand up for yourself is the hardest thing you'll do, but either he'll pull his head out of his rear end or he'll let you walk away. Either way, you won't find your own happiness until you demand the respect you deserve. But, please, don't get details of the affair you don't need, and don't blame yourself. By the way, my take on cheating - who knows who has what STD and what he could have been exposing you to through this affair. That's entirely inexcusable. You had no say in that, and it's bs. Get tested. Don't sleep with him unless he gets tested. That's the nurse in me. That was also the biggest issue for trust violation for me because some of those diseases cause permanent damage or worse.

To every thing there is a season.

Oh HOney this is NOT your fault. People don't cheat because of other people, they cheat because their is something wrong with them.
He is trying to take away his resposibility in doing this by blaming you.
You cannot allow him to do that. You are under emotional strain as well did you cheat (emotional or sexual).
THis man has a big problem but it is NOT YOU!

But do accept you'll be better off without this guy the sooner the better. And don't volunteer anything to his kids but I wouldn't lie to them either using age appropriate language. I.e. keep it as simple as they want it to be. They'll ask if they want more information.

This guy's a slime

*********************

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

You are in a horrid situation. The one thing your H has given you, tho, is time. Time to consult an attorney and start getting your ducks in a row. That is my suggestion.

Placing the blame on you is the cowards way out. If he was soooo miserable, why didn't he just discuss it with you, his wife, and get the help you both needed to make your marriage better. Laying it at your doorstep is blame the victim mentality.

Get thee to an attorney, girl. And don't tell your DH a thing about it. You need to protect yourself first and foremost.