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Driving Nuts!

laurenhun's picture

Submitted by laurenhun on Wed, 04/17/2019 - 8:54pm

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General Discussion

My BF and me have been together since my SD was 9months old. Then until up until 2 years ago, BM never spent much time with her. Nevery took her out of town or did anything super fun with her. We always have done a lot with her. We have taken her to different amusment parks, travelled out of state, gone to National Parks, etc. So lately I have having a hard time dealing with this change. This past weekend she took her to Legoland. I'm upset because I was planning a trip there in 2 weeks. It's just frustrating because it is a new feeling. 

Another part of the issue is half of the year BM says she does not have money to SD new clothes, shoes, school expenses but when tax season comes around, she spends money on her. It is frustrating hearing SD vent about the rough times and then turn around have boast about the good times. 

 

I don't know. I'm just looking for some advice on how to deal with my feelings.

 

Thank you!

MrsStepMom's picture

Submitted by MrsStepMom on Thu, 04/18/2019 - 6:16am

I get why this would hurt. We have a Disney mom. We have to do the work while she refused to take him even for her alotted time then tells SS it’s vecause dad won’t let her, even though we begged her to and offered to help pay his way. Then they spend the week at amusement parks and he comes back to us surly because we make him, ya know, shower and go to school. The horror. 

You just need to try to put it into the perspective of remember that in the end it is good for her to have time with mom. Also, she will probably figure it out one day. My mom let my dad do this, well just didn’t fight it, and one day, around 20, it clicked. It took another 15 years for my father and my relationship to recover and that was with me telling him he needed to step up and admit is short comings. 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 04/18/2019 - 8:56am

BM does not want to pay CS for thing like food, clothing, medical , everyday expensive.  But when she gets money, As income tax money, she spends it to take SD to fun places like Legoland.  BM doesn’t care if the kid eats all year buts wants fun times.  Normal people have to pay for foof, housing ect first and what left over, if anything it’s for fun things. 

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Thu, 04/18/2019 - 10:33am

Continue living your best life and doing what you've been doing. You have some emotions to work through but just let it go. BM is not consistent but when she does do something for SD it's far and few so let the child enjoy it and continue on your merry way. Let your SD enjoy what little time she has with her mother and know that you are doing your best by her regardless of BM's inconsistency.

flmomma08's picture

Submitted by flmomma08 on Thu, 04/18/2019 - 1:45pm

I know what you mean. SD is 11 and I've been with DH since she was 2. We had SD full time for years without any child support or any help with anything from BM - no school clothes, school supplies, lunch or field trip or extracurricular activity money, NOTHING. Hardly even saw her on top of not financially supporting her. Then out of nowhere, BM's other kid's grandmother (not DH's kid) pays to take them all to Disney and BM gets all the freaking credit. Dash 1

It is frustrating, but if it makes the kid happy then try not to let it bother you too much. It is her child, even if she isn't as good of a mother as she should be.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/23/2019 - 2:38am

Does BM pay CS or does your DH pay CS? Or... is there no CS paid in either direction?

It sounds to me that DH needs to nail BM to the wall for CS.  That should help tone down the crap that both BM and SD are spewing regarding money as well as the good times, etc....

The facts are the best tool to manage this crap.  Keep the Skids tuned on how finances work, how CS works and fully aware of the  blended family opposition's financial crap.   Don't let BM take credit for anything she does'nt do and for sure keep the Skids completely aware of the financial contributions that you and DH make as well as what BM does or does not provide.

Of course this must be in an age appropriate manner but.. IMHO the facts are important to keep the Skids aware and to also keep a toxic blended family opposition aligned with reality.