Does it get better after your own bio-kids?
I'm in a pretty fortunate situation at the moment. Although things weren't always easy... I Have 2 SD's who are really great kids (8 and 10 yrs old). I feel very fortunate that we get along so well, but that doesn't stop the bitterness and resentment from time to time. I don't know why I feel this resentment because there is no basis for it! DF is a fantastic father, and I find comfort in seeing the way he interacts with his daughters. However, sometimes, I can't help but feel like if we were to have our own bio-children, that his kids from his first marriage would still be a bigger priority than our "potential" family. Does that happen? I'm so confused, I know that this sounds so weird!
Anyhow, I have a question for those who have had bio-children after getting married to their DF with children.
What was your experience? Did things get better, did the bitterness go away? Were the children treated equally?
Thanks all, I appreciate it.
Not sure but...
I want to bump this back up because I'd like to know this too. Not that I want any more kids (GOD FORBID) but I would be interested in others experiences here.
For us I know it's going to be an issue
We've got one on the way 3.5 more weeks and DH is already laying it on thick with SS because he feels guilty that SS might feel left out.
Why is it that they never assume the new child is the one that's going to feel left out?
I've been straight forward with DH either he treats are son the same as SS or I'll raise him myself. I'm not ok with my son feeling like 2nd class in his own home to SS
My guess is
that it gets worse. I don't know this from experience, because I don't have any biokids and will not have any. But:
My SD(16), whom I get along great with, told me a couple of months ago that her best friend's dad and SM are pregnant. She said, "Best Friend is NOT happy about it." During the conversation, I asked her some more questions about the situation, because I was curious to figure out whether SD would have felt the same way. It became clear to me that she would have completely freaked out. I said at one point, "Well, your dad and I talked about having kids for a while." She QUICKLY said, "Yeah, but dad CAN'T. He had a vasectomy!" I realized then that that was probably something that had really made her feel more secure about us. I sad, "Yes, that's true, but vasectomies can be reversed." Total silence. Conversation over.
DH and I decided not to have kids. My decision was based in part on the "quit while you're ahead" philosophy. I was 39 when I met him, so I could have. But I thought about all the ways that BM would freak, the SDs would freak, etc. and I decided it just wasn't worth it.
Not that I am in anyway discouraging people from having kids with their DH/DWs. I'm sure that for some, it works out just fine, and maybe even gets better. I'm just saying that in my case, I decided to let well enough alone.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
It doesnt get better...it
It doesnt get better...it does one of two things
1 - he will feel the need to over parent your child together because he has not had the oppritunity to just be a dad like most men do when they are divorced and have children.
2 - then he will over attend his daughters because he will feel this sense of guilt because he doesnt want them to feel he has put them on second base to the baby that you have together.
as much as you could try to treat all kids the same youll find out quick that you can only really parent your own kids and you can only let him parent his.
I have a daughter from a previous marriage and he had a son both kids are 5 and when we had our son together...dont get me worng we are happy but it is very trying at times, b/c it turns into why one kid gets treated one way and the other gets treated a diffrent way, I can only parent my kids and I can only oblige his son, because his mom has him messed in the head sometimes...i love the kid but he is very needy and my FH only gets to see his son every blue moon so when we do see him all the attention is on his son and my Daughter and the son we have together tends to get backburned sometimes, however I find that because of the age gap he gets to have baby time with our son and big boy time with his older son ....its tough but it never is meant to be easy, theres nothing better then having your family completed and you never know the age gap between your kids may not have an effect at all...but they are girls and you just have to make sure that there is no guilting involved thats all...good luck!