Does anyone else hate Mother's Day?

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I have 4 kids of my own and 4 step-kids (have full time placement of 3 of them) and I am beginning to hate Mother's Day! It is a constant reminder to me that even though I do everything for my step-kids, I will never be their mother, and no matter how much she hurts them and treats them like crap, I will never measure up to her. Every where you look it's mom this and mom that and not every mom deserves to be honored on Mother's day!

I know that in my own eyes

I know that in my own eyes and my DH's eyes I measure up and do 100x more for the kids than their mom ever has. I think because I am always there for them and always take care of their needs, and their mom is only there occassionally (when it is convienent for her), it is expected from me and a big to do when she actually plays the part of a parent. As a result, it is a big deal for the kids when she shows up and they are always trying to do everything they can to earn her love and attention.
Don't get me wrong, I totally understand why the kids act and feel the way they do, and would never tell them they are wrong for it, but it's frustrating for me, especially this time of year.
And as nice as a 'bonus mom day' sounds, I would never suggest it and doubt if it is something my DH would think of doing.

I completely get where you

I completely get where you are coming from. I have DD12 and SS11. Both live with us full time with SS11 seeing BM every other weekend. Before that, she barely saw him. She's a Disneyland mom so she gets all the glory while I do all the hard work. I spend more time with SS11 than DH or BM because I work from home. I hate Mother's Day because it's a nice reminder of lack of appreciation I get from SS11. I know I'm not his mom and don't care about that but I feel so unappreciated at the best of times for all that I do for him and the day is just a reminder of that The only plus out of Mother's Day is that SS11 goes to BM's house. She insists on having him on that day which is fine by me because I'd rather have the day off from the usual Mom/Stepmom responsibilities anyway!

The first one was the worse.

The first one was the worse. Zippo from DH & skids after I spent the day helping my terminally ill mother move 2 hours away so her last days would be happy. (went from nursing home to her place w/full time live-in nurse, died 4 weeks later). And when she died: one skid said to me, everyone dies sometime. I will say that to him (hopefully) when his BM dies. I now have zero expectations for Mother's Day from DH/skids.

I absolutely HATE Mother's

I absolutely HATE Mother's Day. My own kids dont say or do anything for that day, let alone the 2 SS. If I'm lucky I'll get a card from DH. But that's about the extent of it. I will be hounded on "do you wash my clothes yet?" "whats for supper?" " can I go to so and so house?"
So I'm locking myself in my bedroom with a bottle and my tv remote....."HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ME"

Mother's Day doesn't really

Mother's Day doesn't really bother me. I don't have kids of my own. DH gives me a Mother's Day card to show his appreciation for what I do for his kids. I don't expect it, but I won't say that I don't appreciate the thought. I don't expect anything from DH's kids.

There was a Miss Manners article I read not too ago from a woman who was complaining about her MIL not giving her a card for Mother's Day. She felt slighted. Miss Manners explained that Mother's Day is supposed to be about expressing appreciation for our mothers & talked about how the attitude has turned selfish & entitled with women expecting to receive appreciation rather than just taking the opportunity to give the attention to our own mothers.

Measure up really? Sounds

Measure up really? Sounds like to me you have already surpassed their BM.

My FDH, constantly tells me how much he appreciates me and how I love and accept his kids. I see the respect and love he has for me. That is more than enough. I more than measure up. I am not nor will I ever be their mom. But I do have a voice and I am making an impact on their lives.

I am reminded everyday I am not their mom, nor do I want to be. I have a wonderful daughter.

I let Bm know that when I met her children I was reminded everyday that "I was not their mother "

Everytime they: chewed with their mouths open, didn't put their napkins in their laps, know the proper use of knife and fork, didn't cover their mouths when the caughed/sneezed. Didn't properly bathe, brush their teeth, and when they threw their stuff all of the place.

I have and am still working on these things with HER children, beacause she is too lazy too. I am showing her children balance. I am not their mother. Being a mother has great rewards. Even being a FSM has it's rewards.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you who choose to be someone else's kids "mother".

Ok, so maybe 'measure up'

Ok, so maybe 'measure up' isn't the right wording. I totally agree with everything you said, you obviously are in a similiar situation.

I know I am not their mom, and I don't want to replace her, although sometimes I wish they were mine biological kids. BM left my DH and her kids and moved half way across the country for another man, who 2 weeks later wanting nothing to do with her. She moved back as soon as DH and I started seeing each other just because she didn't want me to control her kids lives or for them to forget her. She doesn't want her kids, but doesn't want anyone else to take her place. She now has visitation every other weekend and for a few hours on Wed. nights. Most of the time when it is her scheduled time, she pawns them off onto someone else, unless there is something in it for her. She makes sure she takes them certain places, just so she can maintain the apperance of being a good mother. Half the time she is supposed to have them, we end up having them because she has something else to do, and we want them to know that we are always welcome here. She uses her kids to boost her ego when she is feeling down and the kids feel like it is their job to protect her whenever she does something wrong.

The part that gets me is she uses them, calls them names, puts them down and only wants to be a parent when it is convenient for her, but they do everything they can to try to win her love. I do everything I do for them because I want to and because I love them, and it is who I am. That will never change, no matter what they do. It is frustrating for me to watch everyday and Mother's day just makes it even worse.

Oh, we are in the same

Oh, we are in the same boat....Our BM agreed to take the child support and we would have the kids. She just wanted the money. When her family found out what she was going to do she changed her mind.

BM, cusses, fusses, yells, screams, rants and raves. She is totally out of control. My FDH is taking her back to court to get a "communication clause" added.
She will text/call him 10-20 times a day calling him and me all kinds of crazy names.

The have been divorced 5 yrs and we have been together a little over 2. She has remarried but still wants my BF back. She cheated but still wants him. She even has pictures of them from their wedding day on her FB.
Not her and her current husband. My BF and her. She is totally crazy.

fSS13 said to me one time "don't' you ever get mad. I told him of course I do. I just choose to keep myself under control. Yelling never accomplishes anything. You cannot change how someone else behaves but you can choose how you will. He told me one of the best things about me is that I don't lie and I don't yell. Really. How sad is that.

Enjoy your time with the step kids you are making a difference. Look at mothers day as a day that you are choosing to make a difference in someone else's life. You are showing them how to have a better life and how to be a better person. It is a ALL ABOUT YOU DAY!
You are wise and you make good choices.

By the way it is good to look in the mirror and see someone looking back that you respect.

I love my FSKIDS with all my heart. I am making a difference. It is not always easy but I know it is worth it.

I don't really care about

I don't really care about Mothers Day anymore. I find that if I'm not expecting recognition, I won't be disappointed if I don't get it. I get flowers from my Bio's and cards. My DH buys me flowers and takes the Skids to pick out cards for me, but it's so commercial now it's a little un-genuine to me. I much prefer coming home to a home cooked meal, or spending the day as a family. I don't get all crazy with the gifts and nonsense of it all anymore. It's really just another day.