I was married in 1999 to a man with a daughter, 6. She was annoying. I think everyone else's children are going to be annoying when they live in your house. It is a very complex thing. A man is going to put his children first USUALLY. And the way they look at it is, "you're an adult. Get over it." I now have my own kids from this man, and my own kids annoy me sometimes, too, but it's WAY different. With the experience I've had, including a recent relationship, I have decided that I will not marry until mine and my partner's kids are grown and gone. It is just not worth all the mess that blending families brings up. I know that doesn't help you, but my point is that there is no easy answer. Your best bet is finding a counselor that can help you both see the other's point of view. Most conflicts occur because we can't see things from someone else's perspective very well. Good luck. I know it's not easy.

sometimes i feel that way. i've noticed though, as the years have gone by, and i voiced my need for my husband to make me his priority, that i feel a lot better about things. it's not to push the child away. it's not because i'm more important. it's because our relationship is the foundation for the children's relationships. we have 3 kids together, and 2 boys, his ss and mine. at first, he gave all the attention to his son, and my attention when to mine. as we grew up a little bit, he and i became closer. it just kinda happened naturally. hope it works out for you in time.

It's not horrible, but it's not going to change either. That means you have to try and figure out a way to make it more tolerable or you'll be miserable. I also count the years until SS13 turns 18, but that's just because we won't have to deal with BM anymore. This isn't an eow kind of deal for you so it's in your face all the time. Bottom line is, you did sign up for it when you married DH. Could you possibly try to connect with SS in some way...figure out something he's interested in that can be "your thing" with him? It might give you a bond and maybe you'll enjoy him more. Maybe take a little time every week to have a "date" with just the two of you? You could go get ice cream or see a movie. It might help change your attitude...and SS probably senses that you don't want him around so it would be win/win if you showed him you do. Just a few thoughts! Good luck!

i agree with ell. we, as wives, need to feel that WE are our husband's priority. i DID NOT sign up to take a back-seat to a child. there are times, of course, that the needs of a child must take precedence, but NOT on a normal, daily basis, and certainly not simply for wants. if my dh would have continued to do this, after expressing to him my need, i could not have stayed in the marriage. if a man truly needs to make his children his first/main priority, he needs to remain single in my opinion.

He was ss9's father before he was your husband.
Try to remember that.

I completely understand and there are times I feel the same way. I sometimes miss the days when all the kids were here during the week and at the same time relish in the quite when its just my two? I don't have to worry about OSS16 not bathing even when he takes a bath and stinking and his teenage attitude, plus his emo/goth stage. I also don't have to worry about someone saying or doing the least thing to MSS14 and him going off in a rage yet he can bully others. YSS12, almost 13, loves loves to agg stuff on and at the same time can be a huge bully. Ive had two different parents coming up to me at football regarding name calling and such. Made a deal with YSS when we signed him up for football that he had to keep his grades up and not get in trouble. Report cards come home Tuesday but doesn't look promising as he had three f's on his progress report. My stepkids don't like the rules in our house and many others don't as well, such as inlaws. I will say I RARELY let my kids on the internet period unless its a trusted site and such. However, last year at this time, SKids were coming home every day. Why? Because they wanted to play on the internet and the games. But that came to an end after the first six weeks of watching my son being grounded for 6 weeks for the two c's on his report card while these kids who all three brought home f's and were constantly in trouble could be on facebook and play the playstation all the wanted. So I decided, I may not be able to make rules for other people's houses but I could set them for mine. So, if your grades are D's and F's, your not bringing home anything to study or asking for help, and in the case of OSS16, also bragging about sleeping in class,there is no internet or game. So now when they come home its because they want me to take them somewhere, (cept for YSS he will just come home at times), they were made to because they were fighting at inlaws, and few others.

My resentment of the way these kids act and such hasn't changed. I love the kids but its to the point I want NOTHING to do with them most times. So, its not so much I dislike the kids, its I dislike the way they behave and are allowed to. Keep hoping one day DH will grow a backbone when it comes to these kids and his family. I don't think your in the wrong for your feelings. Like a previous poster said, my own kids annoy me at times but I know where I stand with them.