DH disconnected with pregnancy
Just wanted to ask some other mom's:
I'm a first-time mom, 6 months pregnant and barely showing,and my husband just seems disconnected from the whole thing so far. I've heard that it takes men time to really connect with the whole idea of a baby (while we women are living it every day) but I wonder if he doesn't have some anxiety about having another kid. I have a SS9 and DH and BM split up (in a really horrific divorce) when he was 1 year old.
DH says he wanted more kids and was enthusiastic about our decision to start trying. But, now, I try to get him to talk about names, and he says--oh, let's do it later--and changes the subject. And after our last ultrasound, he hands me the dvd and says--here's YOUR dvd.
Am I just having a sensitive preg moment? Is his lack of enthusiasm just normal?
I think he's probably feeling
I think he's probably feeling what is very common for guys...worry over supporting them, taking care of them, (for the lucky dad who gets to pay CS) can he afford another CS payment if this goes south, etc. Normal anxieties. Add to that most men bond with babies AFTER they arrive and tend to act disconnected from pregnancies, and I think it sounds like you've got a normal guy on your hands.
It's tough, though...because you're the female with the hormones and the growing fetus. If you find that you aren't getting the feedback from him you desire, maybe you can chat with your mother or a girlfriend and gush about baby stuff.
He sounds normal to me. My DH
He sounds normal to me. My DH is very caring and very loving and he didn't seem too interested. Actually when he would see the baby moving around it kinda freaked him out. He was calling it an alien. Thanks DH!! I bought the book and every week I would read him what is happening that week and he was interested in that. And he didn't seem to notice that I felt like a beached whale, it didn't slow him down!! I was all hormonal and very annoyed with the kids and he would take them off my hands and give me a break. It didn't help that most of my pregnancy I had a bad cold.
But after the baby was born he was all hands on and so good with her. He would get up with her at night even though I would tell him not to. He would come home from work early everyday to spend time with us before the other kids came home from school.
I wouldn't think too much of it. He's just a guy and they think totally differently from us!
Yep I concur. I think it's a
Yep I concur. I think it's a guy thing. Although not putting all guys in the same category, I just think it's not unheard of. Your hormones are raging maniacs right now too.
I thinking back 40 years to
I thinking back 40 years to my wife's pregnancies I don't remember getting particularly excited about what was going on. My highest consideration was her health. As long as she seemed healthy I didn't involve myself too much in it. Feel for the baby kicking was about it. I don't don't remember sonograms back then, probably didn't have them, they certainly weren't common.
As for the kids name I could have cared less and let her pick them out. I think your husband is acting clearly within normal male behavoir. He certainly isn't interested in you gushing about the kid as mentioned above, stick to the females for that stuff.
Too me this sounds normal.
Too me this sounds normal. When I was pregnant I felt so alone in my pregnancy. SO would never be interested in picking out names, looking at baby things, etc [he did, however, attend every sonogram/appointment I had]. I felt that it was just because he had already gone through it 4 times before and was just apathetic to the whole situation. I was afraid he would be the same once the baby arrived. I was terrifically surprised to find that he was the complete opposite. He is a loving, caring father just as he is with his other children. So yes, I believe it to be normal.
When we found out we were
When we found out we were having a girl we each got a piece of paper and decided to write down some names and then decide. We did it seperately and came back in the room. We both wrote down the same exact name and only that name. It was so weird!! We had never discussed it at any other time and it was a random name and we spelled it the same way.
Oh and I stopped bringing him to my appointments. He came to the sonogram and a couple of others but it was easier to go without him and he was so not interested!!
I am a little over half way
I am a little over half way through my pregnancy. I'm a first time mom, too. My SS is 9. His parents split at 3 or 4. My husband had been pretty hands off of the belly but all over the helping to take care of me stuff. SS had been pretty uninterested, but is coming around after his mom told him that she isn't really his sibling. SS and I went to Barnes and Noble and picked out some baby books and he's been reading to the belly. DH has started doing it, too. I think that this has helped me feel not so alone. I think I was more all over the naming her thing, but we settled on one. Probably more like I settled on one, and he agreed. I think DH tends to be more thoughtful and in tune with my emotions than most men or many I read about on here. Maybe your husband would be open to the reading thing or something like that?
It's normal! That's a relief.
It's normal! That's a relief. I've gone through so many blended family issues over the past 4 years, it's hard to know what's just a male thing and what's emotional trauma fallout for DH.
Same here. I came into the
Same here. I came into the relationship with 2 bios of my own. DH came in with 3 bios. We have since had 2 little girls together. He wasn't super interested in a bunch of baby minutae during the pregnancy, but was a CHAMP about dealing with our other children so I could rest, go to appointments, etc. And once the babies were here, he is AWESOME. But he couldn't really connect to the whole pregnancy thing. I was just grateful that he was sensative and available during that time.