We got it because BM would not discuss things with DH when they had shared parenting. She would veto EVERYTHING SD wanted to do.

Having legal custody we are the sole decision makers for medical, school, activities, religion...everything. This drives BM nuts, but like I said her way of trying to make decisions was to either veto them or bribe SD to do what BM wanted rather than discuss with DH what was best for SD (like promising SD a car when she was 11 if when she was 16 she picked the high school in BM's district.)

So I'm not sure if that is the same in your state but...BM cannot pick a Dr, choose a school or church, cannot enroll SD in anything. Only DH can.

If your BM is using this as a power play, and it starts to affect SD's ability to do extra curricular activities or other things she wants to try (like dance or theatre etc) or is making SD miss out on getting proper medical care (in our case BM would self diagnose and treat SD rather than take her to the Dr, or cancel Dr appts if DH found out and planned on attending) then you may be able to get joint or full custody yourselves. It's a long road though I'll warn you. And now we are dealing with the fallout. Because now that BM knows she has no input, she attempts to win SD over by constantly doing things that SD isn't allowed to do (like dropping her back off in our neighborhood to stay with friends we've said were off limits, buying her super short shorts or very revealing tops, bras etc.) So now that BM feels no responsibility to parent, she has quickly become full time Disney mom.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

Is that the custodial parent gets to make any life decisions for the child....however, this is normally for medical, dental, schooling, religion, activities etc. I have sole custody of my children, meaning I a make all decisions for them, their father basically can offer an opinion, but I do what I think it right with them...and can do it legally. My children are now in their teens (one an adult) and I do make all their decisions, but since they are getting older I definitely consult with them on what they want or don't want before deciding. It's called respecting their wishes as well.

It would depend on what SD11 is standing up for herself for...is it because she doesn't want to attend an activity? Or is it something medical related?

I would say that if it isn't an "important" decision, then BM is just pushing her title of "sole decision maker" to get the SD to abide by what BM wants.

Corie