After two years of being married, my husbands ex-wife decided she could no longer care for their daughter and dropped her off at our house to live for a while so she could "get herself together". Our scheduled visits consistently were being extended for one reason or another due to last minute calls from BM. This was something we got used to although it was a little inconvenient because we ended up driving her quite a distant to school at times. When she dropped her off, it was after a year filled with moving her three different times and enrolling her in a new school each time. Not to mention I had just had a baby and my husband was in his last year of college so I was the only one working. AND I have to mention that I did pay child support to BM since I was the only one with income. Now fast forward to today...She is now a 21 year old and graduates next May with a Bachelors degree on the Deans list and plans to pursue her masters degree. When I look at the whole picture, I know that we did a great job with her. But what is so hard for me to deal with now is that we DID try our best to keep a structured home life for her that was calm and stable and filled with lots of love but she did manage to see total chaos anytime she visited with her BM. Her BM has been married 6 times and has used her daughters love for her to guilt her into feeling sorry for her constantly. BM is miserable and constantly burdens her daughter (my sd) with all her problems. ADULT PROBLEMS! I honestly felt that all my sacrifices all those years would one day be appreciated. Dumb me! Because to this day, I am put on a back burner to her BM. The Christian in me knows that I didnt spend the last 15 plus years being "the good guy" for any recognition and that I should just be happy that she is where she is today, but it is so hard. I am truly blessed to have a terrific 16 yr old who is very loving and I do feel truly blessed for that. But I consider her like my own child. I have done EVERYTHING for her. All the motherly duties that were required over the years were done by ME! Yet her Mother always showed up for parent recognition days and got the glory. My sd seemed to feed into it as well. I dont know if my passiveness taught her to be this way, or if I simply did the best I could. I love this girl so much and would do anything for her. I hurt when she hurts, I have sat up with her many nights when she was sick, only to have to go to work with no sleep, helped her shop for college and cried my eyes out when we left her at her dorm the first year. Rushed home to bring her a book at school that she forgot at home, or used my lunch to deposit money in her account because she was low on money. I could go on forever. But AGAIN...that is the same that any loving mother does on a daily basis for their children. But the pain I get when she rejects me in small ways. She has this idealized way of looking at her relationship with her BM. She talks about her like some of the past never even happened. I dont expect her to not have a relationship with her at all. IN fact I encouraged her to keep a line of communication open. There was a period of time that the courts did NOT allow her to have communication with her due to the problems her BM was having. One part of me says to move on and not be selfish. Then another part of me knows that I will always be "second fiddle" because BM will always demand to be the priority. This means that even when grandkids start coming along, I may be going through the same things all over again. I hope and pray that she will not allow her alone with her kids EVER but I can totally see it happening. She looks at her mother with rose colored glasses. I know there are no answers for me, I just wanted to vent. I hope I dont depress any of you younger Step Moms. I do know that everything I did was for a reason and it is because of me that she is where she is today but sometimes a little appreciation would be nice.