Toss this one back, too much baggage. No, it's not wrong for you to not want to live with a small child when you've raised your kids already. Plus she has poor boundaries and allows her kids to treat you poorly. 
 

No, of course it isn't wrong of you to not want to play daddy again. Perfectly understandable, IMO. Though, if you didn't want to be with her because she collects exes and exhibits them like prizes, I'd understand that too. When something doesn't fit your lifestyle nor wishes, don't, don't, don't stick with  it "just because"!

Breakup with her now so she can go fishing for her next trophy and, more importantly, so that you can get on with living a life that suits you and pleases you.

The fact that she likes to have her current man and all her exes with her together like some all-male harem is just ew. If you aren't into being part of her entourage of d!cks, move the frick on. That would be a reason all by itself. Plus add a 5-year-old into the mix, who will likely be trotted out as a reason to keep at least one of the exes close for the next 13 plus years.....yeah. Find a woman who has the same values as you. 

Your gut is your friend here, big time.  For you to even still be in contact with her says another body part is giving you strong messages, too.  Please listen to your gut.  You know she is bad news.  Good luck.

Chemistry is a biological "match".. desire to couple up.  It doesn't take into account all the real life "realities".

Look.. the woman has had at least 2 failed relationships.. but is still enmeshed with Exland?

She is not a good candidate for a LT relationship. redflagland

To me once you divorce a person that relationship has to end.  If you want an other relationship. No all going on vacation together. No ex coming over for BBQ,  No that type of relationship with the ex or in your case the ex's.

She can do what see wants, But you have the same choice m you can do what you want.  People live crazy life stiles, Yoi don't have to be part of it,

"The first night I slept over, I came down the stairs and she told me the first ex was coming over with some other people for a BBQ. I made an excuse to leave."

You should have never gone back!  At this part of the story I was already running out the door.  

You sound like a very nice man with a lot to offer someone.  You also sound like you have worked very hard and you shouldn't sell yourself short but remaining in this relationship. 

This situation sounds like it will being you more unhappiness than happiness.  It doesn't sound like it has anything good to it accept the chemistry that you have.  I get that, I have screwed up many years of my life over good chemistry and I will admit that good chemistry is sometimes hard to find.  But what I can also tell you is that all of the relationships I had the "good or great chemistry" in were the most unhealthy relationships.  Sometimes they go hand in hand.  Cut your losses now I don't see this being a good fit for you.  Don't invest years and years and be sorry later.  It has to be the whole package or feed more to your life than just good chemistry!

Good luck!!

Everyone that has commented has the same gist. Ill add my 2cents worth:

1. Staying with her will bring more of the same boundary-breaking. She collects men like I collect tea pots. Tea pots cant give me herpes. She has shown you who she is and its all there out. Let her wave her freak flag, you just dont need to be involved.

2. Her older kiddos are accusing you of being abusive. This will continue and get worse over time. This happened to me. Im not a mean person, and yet I get accused of abuse. I'm stuck, married to DH, so I have to live with it. YOU on the other hand are NOT. 

3. Her youngest with special needs. That in itself would say that you are not going to be happy raising this kiddo with her. You are not wrong for how you feel. So do the kid a favor and let his mother go out 'huntin fer a new daddy'.

4. You are financially secure. Do you REALLY want to support this woman who cannot seem to let go of exes, and goes on VACATIONS with them? I agree with another poster here, that it sounds fishy, like shes into hookups.

4. You are retiring soon, do you want to spend your retirement raising another kiddo thats not yours? No, you are not wrong for your feelings.

Your choice is simple:  chaos or peace. 

You are a catch, so be choosy. You can do SO much better than this woman with her laissez-faire parenting, pile of obligations, venereal disease and hateful daughters. Relationships aren't supposed to be so hard, and you don't need to settle. But you can't find someone better until you free yourself from loosey goosey Lucy. Once you do, odds are she'll have a new man in short order.

When I was young, talking on the phone for hours seemed romantic. Now I understand it's a red flag, a sign of poor boundaries. Most women would want to take things slowly, especially those with children. Look for a woman who is self assured, measured and even cautious in her approach to dating and life. And if you only date women who are childfree or have kids that are fully launched, you'll automatically eliminate a lot of problems.

Being a member of StepTalk means you have a whole tribe, as well as access to valuable female perspective. Women know things about other women that men will never know, so I hope you'll continue to use ST as a resource.

Given everything that's going on in this relationship, I don't know how you've been able to survive as long as you have. You seem like a very kind, tolerant person. This may be too harsh of me, but the way I see this situation is that your partner is demonstrating very little respect for herself. She is treating herself poorly. How can she respect you as her partner, when she carries on as she does in her life? Now, no one is perfect, of course. But there are so many poor boundaries here across the board.

Don't feel guilty about the situation with her children either. Do what you need to do to be at peace. If you can't live with it, that's completely okay!

This is harassment. YOU need a cop (a different one).

And I hope you have kept all of this information.  Documents as Winterglow said are very important.  We did this with my husbands ex and I have a whole folder and voice messages.  She is crazy! 

Get rid of Alexa and go and talk to the police.  Explain the situation and find out what your best option is.  Do this sooner than later but I would suggest before you break up with her.  That way you can end it but with all the information from the police as how to handle it.  That way that is almost documented proof.  You make it a matter of record, and as soon as she bothers you, you contact the police.  Let them know you have a matter of record and you want them to speak to her.  Let them warn her once if you want to but after that all bets are off!! 

No matter what good qualities you think that this relationship has the bad far out weigh the good and there really isn't much chance that will ever change.  I would suggest to take care of yourself and if you are having trouble ending it maybe seek out a counselor or therapy.  This is truly a destructive relationship and with all due respect to you, you need to explore why you would have stayed in it after the first red flag showed up.  We have all made mistakes but staying in it is another thing altogether. 

Enmeshment with both of her Xs, Herpes, over involved adult daughters, and a lippy 5yo individually are all deal breakers. Combined they are a life long shit show of monumental proportions.

You have nothing to feel bad or wrong about in not moving forward with a relationship with this multiple failed family two XH breeder of a BM.

End it, have your attorney send her a cease and desist order, file for an RO/PO. Make it all official.  Cop or not, piling on every legal restraint you can will put the onus on her to knock her shit off and will put her under the hairy eyeball of the courts and her LE leadership.

Break it off, load on the legal constraints, and get on with your life.  Make sure to have a camera system installed in your vehicle to document everything in the event she either targets you  or has her coworkers target you.  You may even consider a personal POV cam to wear anytime you are out of your home.   Have your home security system updated so you can record every word spoken in your home and cover the outside and inside of your home with cameras.  

Take care of you.

Glad you made a strong choice. You can move ahead now.