What sort of counselling are you having? It sounds like it might be family therapy. If so, really don't worry about saying everything you need to. The counsellor will be very good at making sure everyone's voice is heard and acknowledged. I used to be a marital counsellor, but I knew family therapists. They are usually very skilled at their job. Try to relax and let them help, they will keep an open mind and will not necessarily take at face value the things people say about each other in the heat of the moment.

I agree with Kes, I just let it all unfold since the counsellor is trained to spot issues and the best advice I ever got from a counsellor was to stop allowing my buttons to be pushed by skids, especially SD.

We had family counselling mandated by a juvenile court judge, our girl's behaviors were such that she was before the judge several times, she is now in a secure juvenile facility.
I understand why counselling was ordered, also evaluations on us as parents too. DH and I subsequently got full legal custody of all three kids after their mothers abandoned them, three kids two BM's.

I disengaged, I tried to warn DH years ago that he was making a rod for his own back, which I'd be carrying too, if he did not stop indulging the kids. He said he wanted them to have a 'childhood' which I accepted when they were 10 years of age. The twins are now 17 and one is in a juvenile facility, the other dropped out of school at 15 and decided he could not live in a house with 'rules'. Our elder boy is a decent young man, considerate and respectful, his BM and her entire family are welcome at our house. The other BM is a whole other story! We really want nothing whatsoever to do with her but I do tell the kids that i respect that she is their mother. They do not want anything to do with her iether, not one of her 5 kids wants anything to do with her or have anything good to say about her?

Disengaging meant that I made no major decisions regarding the kids, I put it all on DH and let him handle it ALL!!

They all got pretty tired of it, pretty quickly! DH works hard and is a full time student too...does anyone agree that his time really should not be wasted dealing with bad behaviors when he can spend it more wisely promoting GOOD behaviors?

We do set good examples but I believe that kids still have to be instructed and guided to follow good examples...does that make sense?

I maintained a reasonable relationship with skids, and I never said disrespectful things about their mothers to them, I learned that golden rule!

I set boundaries, for respect and who may or may not visit or stay over. I am EVIL (chuckle).

Deep down they are good kids, I think that rebellious teenage years can be a handful for any parent, step, grand, foster or any other sort of parent.

Question, partly in jest, is 'in loco parentis' a euphemism for a parent who has gone loco?

I think that a parent other than bio parent is THE easiest target for an immature child to use as a scapegoat for anything that they percieve as an injustice.

I look forward to the day when they all leave home and we are able to enjoy our semi retirement.

Does anyone agree with me that mothers are often more intuitive than fathers? I think that's why we get more frustrated by our DH's appearing to be playing catch up?

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