Coping
I feel like I'm slipping quickly into a massive depression. I'm not happy with my overly stressful, underpaid teaching job. DH and I discussed me just staying home and giving piano lessons, as I can easily make up ht every little amount I'm making at the school I work at. That way during the day I can work on a music method and get myself published, something I've always wanted to do anyway, and I could be more accessible at home for my family, and DH who suffers a major debilitating disease.
Things with BM are even looking up. If anyone's seen my previous posts, she's been adamant that SS12 has asperger's, which they finally took him and got him properly assessed, to find there is NO autism present in him...he in fact suffers ADHD, something he will probably need medication for, and that should help a lot of his issues. So things are getting better there as well. I started feeling really good...
and then DH mentioned an incident between BM and her BM, where I got myself involved (against my better judgment, based on what the lawyer told me we should do, and DH asking me to make a phone call). So, I get to be the target of angst again. The kids think I pitted myself in the middle of something, trying to get them all to hate each other. I'm just so freaking done with all this bullshit. I just want to crawl into bed and never come out. I told DH I really didn't need to ever know about that one. When the backfire got back to our house, SS9 was pissed at me, and I didn't know why at the time. DH fixed it without letting me know. This was a few months ago, but it just reinforces how done I want to be with all this. BM is a toxic person, and I'm a perfect target for her to hate. ANd honestly, I don't give two shits about what she thinks. DH is great about de-escalating any lies she tells the skids about me, and life here is going pretty well.
But it doesn't take away the hurt, frustration and anxiety I deal with from being the main target of all this. I logically know to disengage from it all. Stay away from all these toxic people and everything....but it isn't changing the fact that I want to drink to take away the pain, and sleep most of the day.
It's a catholic school, so I
It's a catholic school, so I get little to no retirement benefit. I put away around $30 a month, and they'll match it after 5 years. I'd do much better privately teaching from my home, and putting a percentage of what I make in an IRA. What I do now is just like full time work, that doesn't count towards any public school teaching experience, and I'm paid $19K a year. Just not worth the amount of stress school teaching entails.
I'm going through this phase
I'm going through this phase right now with work as well. I hate my job and I also hate my profession. However, I'm paid a lot and we need the income as our living expenses are high.
I've decided to job hunt, my options are limited because they need to match my current salary. Of you are in the position of staying home and giving lessons, I say go for it. Do what makes you happy!
Thanks! My boss came and
Thanks!
My boss came and asked me to do a musical for the school this spring. I have a major performance Friday night, and I went back to school today REALLY positive, and the first thing she does is approach me and ask me to do a musical...basically by myself. I've done them in the past with little to no help from the rest of the staff. There's no camaraderie in this place. I've picked, paid for, auditioned, rehearsed, taught music, choreographed, set designed, costume designed, permission slipped, and got barked at for not enough advertising, with no backstage help for 55 students on stage 5 times. Only once has another teacher offered to stay backstage and watch the kids, and previously the art teacher who was fired last year helped with sets and costumes. Our new principal has only been on the job a couple months, so I know some seasoned teachers are telling her I usually do the musicals at the school....yeah...and it's been a MAJOR cause of stress for me. Ugh. I wanted to make it to the end of the school year, just teach my classes, give my final two concerts (which were also scheduled on my off days, which I'm assuredly NOT going to be compensated for), arrange music for the monthly masses (most of which are on my off days) and get through the PreK, Kindergarten and 5th grade graduations at the end of the year. Damn, I do a lot. Now another musical, where I'd have to pull kids out of class to rehearse with them, at the midst of state testing and all the other spring activities that go on... oh, and the superintendent is visiting tomorrow to observe classes, so I better have something decent to do in classes, in case he stops by for a peek. Hooray!
Not to mention my own piano recital, and let's completely forget the fact that I have 4 children that will be involved in their own spring concerts; A husband with psoriatic arthritis who is constantly in pain, and a stepson with ADHD.
Can anyone say burnout?