Constant noise from step daughter!!
:O My step daughter drives me insane!!! My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. At first, she was with us all but every other weekend, then her mom fought for more time and was granted every other week year round. I was used to having her all the time which was annoying, but for me, not nearly as annoying as retraining her for 3 days every other week. Her mom has been employed for a total of 7 months on and off the total time that my husband and I have been together (5 years) and been mooching off of the government the rest of the time. My step daughter... Is lazy just like her now. And annoying, so annoying! Everytime she's asked to do something, she has some ailment... Sore legs tired, sore throat, headache... She's 10!! Just turned 10! And my husband, being a single parent of her for so long (her mom was totally gone on a drug binge for 2 years), he sides with her! Not all the time, but he yells at me in front of her for yelling at her! I have my own child now and get sick to my stomach when I think of how her mom could ever have not wanted her own child... Besides the point. If she's not watching tv, playing a video game, or the center of attention, she's bored... She makes noise CONSTANTLY! If I'm trying to calm my baby, she makes the same noise as me and says she's kind of my son's mom too. He loves her and thinks she's hilarious, which also bothers me. I'm a horrible step mom, I know... Help!
Hi there - I think I'll write
Hi there - I think I'll write some things you might find confrontational, so please try to keep an open mind.
my husband and I have been together (5 years) and been mooching off of the government the rest of the time. My step daughter... Is lazy just like her now. And annoying, so annoying! Everytime she's asked to do something, she has some ailment... Sore legs tired, sore throat, headache... She's 10!! Just turned 10! And my husband, being a single parent of her for so long (her mom was totally gone on a drug binge for 2 years), he sides with her! Not all the time, but he yells at me in front of her for yelling at her! I have my own child now
Here are the things I picked out as being, well, shockers:
1. You've been with your husband 5 years and SD just turned 10. I don't know how long 'being a single parent for so long' is, but YOU'VE been around for half of SD's life. So your husband 'siding' with SD has nothing to do with her mom or him being a single parent. It's to do with how he chooses to (not) parent his kid.
2. Your husband yells at you? In front of his kid? He's teaching his child you do not deserve respect, because he shows her he doesn't respect you. He's also teaching his child that you are *another* child in the home.
3. You have your own child now. How does your husband act around the baby?
What you wrote really upset me. I felt angry and powerless on your behalf. You have a baby with a man who puts you on the same level in the home as his daughter, but shows preference to his daughter. He's setting you both up for conflict and anger. Why would he do that?
Below is a link to
Below is a link to disengaging which I hope you'll find useful. Basically it lets Dad deal with the consequences of his failures to parent. You can implement some or all of it and change it around to suit your circumstances as well as drop the idea entirely if the kid comes around.
One example is if the kid is supposed to empty the trash then the trash sits there until its emptied. You do not harass the kid - if its a set chore, say daily, you don't even remind the kid. When Daddy notices he can deal with it by either making the kid do it or doing it himself. Not your problem. This is difficult for many women as the trash may overflow but you've got to grit your teeth for the greater good. You'll explain ahead of time what's going to happen of course and your reasons why and give him a print out of what you're about to read:
http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html
I want to jump on one piece
I want to jump on one piece that for me, is the silver lining. Your baby and SD like each other. Play up that angle. Chose one activity just for them -- get her away from tv, electronics, etc. "SD, can you pick out your brother's outfit?, take them to the park, have her push him in the baby swing. SD is bored, lonely, and let's face it, you're more her mom than BM is.