The competition is on...and I am DONE
DH and I are having severe issues with BM and SD11. Being recently married, the challenges of where I fall are hitting hard. I am an angel to this little girl though- I tutor her, I take her shopping (prob a bad move because she is a snobbish materialistic brat), and I spend quality time with her. Her mother is an entirely different story. Control freak. SD goes home and elaborates these horrendous stories about how we were mean to her. It's a mess.
This is her weekend coming up. I am out of town for work and won't get back in until late Friday night. DH is going to pick me up from the airport and then we're literally going back home so that I can unpack and sleep. He called SD11 two nights ago and told her that we'd get her Saturday morning instead of Friday night. She seemed fine with the idea- even excited to go to a movie with a friend. It all worked out.
Last night she called DH and said, "I need to ask you something. If there was a fire, would you pick me or Lisa? And I am not getting off the phone until you have an answer."
DH didn't answer her, he scolded her for being to rash like that. They hung up, and I have this looming weight above me with those words. So now it is a competition?! I just can't handle this.
That is such a genius
That is such a genius answer!! Not only because it is what she wants to hear, but it makes SM look like she cares. Brilliant!
Sounds like BM put her up to
Sounds like BM put her up to this, and it's completely pathetic. Sounds like you need to disengage from SD11. Don't tutor her, let your DH do it. Let DH take her shopping.
Exactly! The BM is
Exactly! The BM is committing PAS outright.
Start to disengage b/c the resentment will build as you beat your head against the wall to form a decent relationship with SD11 and the BM does all she can to prevent that from the sidelines.
And guess who'll win?
Oh my god, Tell me about it
Oh my god, Tell me about it my DH guilt trips are kiiling me and our life together.
Oh, thats a good answer!
Oh, thats a good answer! lol.
She is only 11, that crap had to come straight from BM's mouth. Your DH needs to set them both straight. (not who he would pick) but how absurd a question that is. GAH. I feel bad for you DH to have to hear his kid say something like that. Terrible.
And I am not getting off the
And I am not getting off the phone until you have an answer."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another thing...DH should also get on her for talking to him like this. My mom would have reached through the phone and poked me in my eye, if I said something like that to her.
Also...Maybe he should just go get her next time, in that type of situation.
Right on the spot!!!! My
Right on the spot!!!! My parents would have NEVER let me get away with talking to them like that!!! NEVER!!!!!! SO right WIllow!!!
You are in for a mess of
You are in for a mess of problems with this kid. Step back and disengage. Stop the shopping now. She is playing you. BTDT with SD15. I got burned countless times. And now we no longer have her. BM PAS'd. But, she lies and manipulates everyone in her path. Stop now, before this gets worse.
For all that we do for BM,
For all that we do for BM, this ONE trip can accomodate me. I do enough for my SD and her mother for that matter. You're completely full of yourself. DH made sure SD had an alternative. If she didn't, I certainly would have found my own way home.
Whatever you think you made
Whatever you think you made it known, now move on. Just because you keep saying it doesn't make any of us want to listen to you berate people for there lives and personal feelings.
He needs to put an end to
He needs to put an end to this right away and tell her that it is not a competition. She is pushing her limits and it is not acceptable for a child to speak that way to an adult. SD9 and SD10 are consistently pulling this card (How come you XXX when Stepmonster asks and not us? Why do you have so many pictures of her on your computer (the wedding pics sent to us by our photographer btw) and only X of us? Etc.). They are also at an age where they don't need BM to put them up to it, although I am sure she doesn't help in the "respect your elders" aspect either.
I completely agree- whether
I completely agree- whether BM put this in her head or not- it is unacceptable.
Love the blog btw...
My boyfriends daughter does
My boyfriends daughter does the same thing with me, its a competition with her for his time, love, money, everything. It drives me crazy. I try to understand it from her point of view but I don't play into her manipulive ways. What I don't understand is why is ok for the BM to have a boyfriend and she always likes him (no matter who it is this week) but when daddy has a girlfriend, hell she is the devil reincarnated!! I have a son and when I dated someone he never acted like he was in competition with the guy. What is it with girls and daddys?? I guess girls are just natually more insecure than boys maybe....
I've been back and forth with
I've been back and forth with disengaging myself from the SD terror for 2 years now. I think after reading the responses, I know I am on a dangerous path. I just need to do it- it's not like I really like her too much anyway.
The whole "sleeping in the bed together" BS I got rid of over a year ago. Oh, and DH also told me SD11 went home and told BM that she gets in deep trouble at our home if she doesn't say hello to me in the right "way". Say what!? She a manipulating story maker like her controling mother. Let the disengaging begin. Im glad there are some good solutions on here as to how to start that.
I have one thing to say to
I have one thing to say to smokia, if the bm did not want to keep SD then she could've said so instead of agreeing. Instead bm choose to have her dd call her dad and ask him that horrid question. This is not about dad pushing SD off but about bm and her putting her in the position she did just to get to dad. Not cool. The bm has a choice and she is choosing the wrong one.
if bm started this idea,
if bm started this idea, that's damn close to emotional abuse.
and you can be kind to someone without parenting; without buying them anything, waiting on them,or teaching them.
if dad saves her, who's gonna teach her to read? }:)
This was a total manipulation
This was a total manipulation from the BM! My guess is that SD was totally ok with being picked up on Sat and BM saw it as an opportunity to put little insecurities into SD head. I think that when you get to see the little darling, call her out on it. Tell her that as her "parents" you would both make and effort to "save" her in a fire. Make sure that she sees you and DH as a united front. Good for DH on telling her that she is being silly.