Child neglect?
My SD4 recently went to the doctor. The doctor told us she dropped over 10% on the weight to 3% in one year. He suggested switching to vitamin d milk, Flintstone vitamins, and a nutritional Shake once a day. We discussed this with bio mom who gets her only every other weekend. We even supplied her with a nutritional Shake for that weekend. When SD4 came home she told us her mom didn't give her the Shake because she didn't have milk. We asked her mom and she confirmed this. She also confirmed that SD4 didn't have any vitamins or vitamin d milk the whole weekend. When we picked her up at 6pm, she has only had one pop tart and some popcorn as a snack. Since the Dr's orders are to try to get her to gain weight and we have supplied all the info and even the Shake, is this neglectful behavior? And what can we do about it?
Both. SD4 told us, BM
Both. SD4 told us, BM confirmed it. And the not feeding her dinner thing has been an ongoing issue. She never feeds her dinner when we pick her up on sundays, even when we picked her up at 8pm. The vitamin and shake thing only bothers me because it is Dr's orders and she has continued to not abide by those orders. So in the last month she hasn't gained at all. She isn't picky and eats plenty most the time. So unless she is just playing games to get snacks (which I don't doubt) then I don't see why she doesn't get a meal. And even so, being a parent she should eat her meal before getting snacks that provide little to no nutritional value, at least I would think so?
Because some BM's cannot even
Because some BM's cannot even take care of themselves, let alone another human being. This BM will never change, and it is sad that you as SM are more concerned about it than she appears to be. Sigh...some people should not be able to have kids
She definitely acts
She definitely acts differently for her BM than her dad. Like I said I don't doubt that she is playing games with her BM trying to get snacks instead of food. But that's all part of being a parent. We didn't get her to eat her food, take her vitamins, and drink her shakes by letting her decide if she wants to or not when it's the Dr's orders. She actually loves her vitamins and shake, but if she knows she can play games to get snacks instead of eating food she always will. She's 4, it's expected that they will try to get away with what they can. That's why kids need boundaries. I'm sorry, I get so emotional about this because it's ultimately about her well being.
We have similar problems
We have similar problems where BM doesn't even bother trying to feed SD meals, so she'll often eat candy/junk food and nothing else. SD is 4 and will even tell us "mommy doesn't have vegetables" and we'll say "what does mommy have?" and its "mommy has macaroni and zoodles!" Thankfully she only goes there for about a month in the summer and that's it out of the whole year, so we try not to worry too much. Once when we picked her up, BM told us "I can't get her to eat vegetables or fruit so I give her a snack pack of those real fruit gummies every day so she still gets a serving." We just stood there in amazement. And honestly, it sucks sometimes having to be the responsible ones who then have to force her to get back into eating real food.
I find with things like this, you've just gotta do your best to keep SD with you as often as possible for the sake of her health. Limit her exposure to her BM if possible, and if not, make sure you teach her the importance of eating proper food. We've even hinted to SD by saying things like "we know it's hard to understand why you need to eat fruits and vegetables when some adults think it's okay not too, but those adults aren't very healthy."
If BM didn't give her the
If BM didn't give her the shake because she didn't have any milk, send the premade cans. If it doesn't have a pulltop lid, send a can opener too. That way, no matter what else she eats, she will at least have the shake.
It's sad, but we night have
It's sad, but we night have to resort to doing that. I just keep hoping that she'll get on board and try to help us keep up with these things because its her daughters health and she desires to help not because we keep forcing things.
I would not worry about it at
I would not worry about it at all..... you can fatten up SD and on her visits to BM she will not starve our of hunger..
I'm sorry the kid is 4, she does not have an eating disorder or anything, she's just a bit skinny, could be in her genes to have a great metabolism.... and then kids go through stages.... suddenly they do not want to eat, cause they are not hungry... this can go on for days/weeks/months then suddenly they have a growth spurt, and they will eat the whole day, more then a grown man, you start praying for the hibernation stage again lol cause you can't keep up financially with buying food... this might be that it only happened with my kid, dammit even school filed a complaint about Deigma being a sack of bones at a stage.... I just laughed at welfare when they came by... luckily it was on a eating rampage and they saw what the kid ate..... the poor woman just looked at him and asked me ... how does he do that, I need to do that... look he eats like a man and I can't even look at cake then I get fat... I told her... if I get behind his secret I will let her know - we still keep in touch, I made a promise to her and I'm still trying to figure it out.. Deigma still does this... weeks not hungry and suddenly he will eat me bankrupt
One of the reasons I'm
One of the reasons I'm concerned is because of the ongoing issue of her simply not following Dr's orders and not feeding her dinner. We're in court right now and she's trying to get her for the whole summer. Which if she ends up getting such a large chunk of time it could ultimately undo all the work we've been putting into getter where the Dr recommends. Which he also noted that it could be she's just small, but she dropped 8% in weight but continued to go up in height and that's what had him concerned. So, he ordered us to try this to make sure it's not because of eating habits.
My daughter is also on shakes
My daughter is also on shakes and multivitamins every day for weight gain. She's 9 and weighs 45lbs.. We buy the premade breakfast shakes so you just open it and drink, no mixing. If you're the CP then every other weekend is not going to kill her. It's technically only one day. Give it to her before she goes on Friday and then give it to her again when she comes home on Sunday. Not a huge deal and won't really make any difference.
Are you sure she's just not refusing to eat there? My SD4 is chubby but when she comes here every other weekend she literally only eats 1-2 meals, mostly breakfast. She flat out refuses to eat lunch most days and dinner depends on what is cooked. Like tonight she refused to even take a bite. I'm not fighting with a kid to eat.. She's the one that'll be hungry in the end and either she'll eat or she won't. They eat a lot of junk at their Mom's and she caters to them. We don't. I make a meal and that's it.
I dont completely doubt that.
I dont completely doubt that. I know she's 4 and will try things to see what she can get away with. But that's where I believe parenting comes in. She came home Sunday and had only had one pop tart for breakfast and "cornfetti" popcorn at 1pm for a snack and we picked her up at 6pm. She also didn't have her vitamins, shake, or milk at all during the weekend. When she's at our house she has no problem eating 3 meals and 2 small snacks, like banana or occasionally a piece of candy or fruit snacks. So, I definitely don't doubt that she is just acting different or "refusing" to eat to get junk. She has tried that here a time or two but when we say that's what you're getting she eats it just fine. Which I think is why it's so frustrating to me.
"Since the Dr's orders are to
"Since the Dr's orders are to try to get her to gain weight.." Is SD sickly? What is the basis for the doctor ordering the shakes and vitamins? Is she growing? Did the doctor do any blood test?
I was a very under weight child and adult until I hit my 40's. I'm 5'8" and when I was 25 years old I only weighed 100 lbs. I was healthy and never sick. both of my sons have my genes. I carried twins and only gained 50 lbs when I was pregnant. They are 24 years old now. One is 6'1" and weighs 120 lbs. and the other is 6 ft and weights 135 lbs. Both are healthy. My one son has only been sick once in his entire life with the flu and the other only has seasonal allergies. I carried twins and gained 50 lbs. After they were born, I maintained 135 lbs for 13 years. Once menopause hit me, bam! I started gaining weight nonstop. Now I wish I could go back to the days when I weighed 135 lbs.
Both of my kids were low on the growth chart when it came to their weight. One was in the 10 percentile and the other didn't even make the chart at all.
If the child is healthy and has no medical issues/condition, why encourage weight gain?
The reason he is concerned is
The reason he is concerned is because of a sudden drop in her weight percentile. She was at a consistent 15%, then dropped to 11% which is fine but then suddenly dropped to 3%. We haven't done blood work yet as we are doing vitamins, switched to vitamin d milk from 2%, and the nutritional Shake to make sure she's getting everything she needs. We then are going to check in to see if anything changes. And I get that one weekend won't do much damage as far as the Dr's orders but on top of that she simply isn't feeding her real food, it's all snacks or junk. And since we are in the middle of court and her trying to get her for the whole summer, we want don't want her to go over there and not only not get vitamins, milk, and her Shake if we still need to give that to her, but for her not to get fed right.
Is DH as concerned about this
Is DH as concerned about this as you are? There is no way to control what happens in BM's house. I would send SD home with high calorie shakes like Pediasure. If BM really does not have enough food in the house then she may need help from someplace like Catholic Services, local food banks, etc.
Two of my kids went down in their percentiles but then evened out after time. My daughter was skin and bone in her tweens and her doctor would always ask about her diet at her checkups. Many kids shoot upwards in height yet do not add a lot of pounds. It's something to watch but nothing abnormal. Has sd been checked for parasites? It's common for kids to get if they run around barefoot or have pets.