Breaking all rules
Some days I just feel like giving up! My SD12 does not follow ANY rules. None! She is grounded from all electronics, but yet she gets caught using one at least every other day. She will then get a major unpleasant chore...but it doesn't phase her...she will be right back to breaking rules the next day. Sometimes I feel like we might as well drop all the rules because she does whatever she wants despite the rules anyways.
I joined a support board for parents of kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder (what SD will likely be diagnosed with next week), and it scares the crap out of me! Kids just like her are getting their parents thrown in jail, sexually abusing their siblings and all sorts of other things. The "support" board is just scaring me even more!
I feel like a 12 year old is running our house and I am damn sick and tired of it!
My exSS had RAD, and it was
My exSS had RAD, and it was the most difficult time of my life. It is the hot new diagnosis these days, but at the time (14 years ago when he was diagnosed) there were no support groups and maybe that was sort of a good thing. I live near one of the leading RAD treatment facilities in the US, and I wish we had sent ex SS there before my DD was hurt.
Hindsight is 20/20, right?
Is it the treatment facility
Is it the treatment facility in Iowa? You can PM me if you want. It is hard to find treatment centers online. The closest RAD therapist is over an hour away, but I bet it will be worth the drive.
That is my fear, that she will hurt one of my bios. She has hurt them by hitting, spanking, pinching, verbal abuse...I just fear it could get worse if we don't find a way to get her under control. I am torn...on one hand I feel I need to support my husband and find a way to help SD...on the other hand I feel I need to protect my bios and get them away from SD. Hopefully we will know more about her condition in a week...just can't wait to get this treatment started and see an improvement.
What happens if she doesn't
What happens if she doesn't have RAD?
I'm guessing she does. She
I'm guessing she does. She has 24 of the 25 symptoms listed. The therapist's receptionist gave me more info that makes it look like she has RAD.
I guess if she doesn't have it, there is no excuse for her behavior and she is just a mean little brat. I am hopeful there is a reason and a way to make our living situation improve. Her behavior has been steadily getting worse since she was 4 and she is now 12...I'm scared how much worse it could get.
I'm not trying to be harsh,
I'm not trying to be harsh, but what will change if she is diagnosed with RAD? Will she not still break all the rules? Will she not still be a threat to others? Will her diagnosis give her free reign to "act out" her disorder?
I'm hoping if she indeed has
I'm hoping if she indeed has this disorder, her dad and I can learn how to parent her to be more effective. We have been grounding her when she misbehaves. From what I am reading, that has no effect on kids with RAD because they have no attachment to anything...so taking things away does not work. I think punishment for kids with RAD is to give them chores as punishment(and we started doing this)...but I am not really sure. The therapist would also help try to bond SD to her dad and I. Right now she doesn't have much of a bond to anyone. RAD kids get scared when their parents get too close, so they try to push them away. Part of therapy is to get them over their fear of being close.
I have already told her dad, if we offer her help and she doesn't try to get better...I am leaving or she is leaving. I just want a change. Hopefully she will get better. If not, this is a last ditch effort and if it doesn't help, she will no longer be a part of my daily life.
I signed up to be a step-mom, I didn't sign up to try to parent a kid with issues that doesn't want a parent. Right now I am thinking about my bios...this is SD's last chance. I feel bad, but that is how I feel. If she won't take the help, she or I will be leaving...and her dad already said it would be her.
The MOST important part is a
The MOST important part is a very strict regimen. Get up at the same time, eat at the same time, homework at the same time, room cleaning at the same time, etc. Knowing what to expect takes away some of the anxiety and disruptive behavior. If she isn't RAD, this is still helpful to kids so no harm...
A lot could change if she
A lot could change if she does or doesn't have RAD...Treatment/counseling for one. If she does have RAD there are things that can help her regarding THAT specific disorder...If she doesn't have RAD, then IMO, they could be back at square one with diagnosing...
Best to know what she does or doesn't suffer from, and get the proper treatment/counseling based on that...