Boyfriends X-wife wants to meet him alone in a coffee shop. What should I say?
My boyfriend's X-wife wants to meet at a coffee shop and talk about their daughter!!! I don't know what to say except no way? This past year she tried to put him in jail by saying he was stalking her. X-wife and her boyfriend were setting my boyfriend up and he spent $50,000 proving his innocence. Now she is being tried through the courts for setting him up.. He gave her a huge amount in alimony so they didn't have to fight in court and he agreed but she still askes him for money.. Whole point is she refuses to let me go to drop offs and pick ups and now she wants to meet in private and talk about there child.. What is fair to ask? Should I have a problem with them meeting?? His daughter talks to us and she hates the moms boyfriend but we are not there so we can't change what happens at her moms house anyways. Please help.. They want to meet this sat am.. What do I do? What should I ask him? What should I expect?
There is obviously no
There is obviously no compromising with this women. If she has done all these things and continues to ask for more, tell your BF he needs to take this court and have a CO put in place. That is the easiest way to settle this. Both parents follow the CO, nothing more, nothing less.
The EX tried to put him in jail for stalking her and now he thinks its a good idea to meet up with her? Yay, ok. Probably not the best idea.
I would think your BF should
I would think your BF should be thinking twice about this "meeting". They are in litigation for setting up your BF, she is obviously not a rational person. Email or a speakerphone conversation with a silent witness there would be the best possible forms of communication for them. Your opinion aside, he should be thinking about self preservation, not about meeting her.
I would go further and check
I would go further and check the laws in your state to see if both parties need notification before taping conversations or just one party. If just one party, have BF tape any and all conversations with this psycho bitch. Or even better, go email only, no verbal conversation necessary. This is how it was in our situation.
Our BM tried the whole "I need to meet with you to discuss SD" Ummmm, NO. There was a reason the judge okayed our NO CONTACT order we wanted in the CO. She could not TALK on the phone, it was all screaming. I'm sure a face to face meeting would have gone the same way.
Nothing can be said face-to-face that can't be said over the phone, or better yet, email. Especially with one who ALREADY tried to throw him under the bus!
I hope he can sue her in civil court for the costs she made him incur once she is found guilty of this charge.
If he insists on going
If he insists on going through with this, do you have a friend who BM doesn't know who can be there and watch what goes on? Even video? Sit at the next table and eavesdrop? Dial you on her cell phone and put it on speaker, so you can listen? If you do have such a friend, hopefully someone your bf doesn't know either, then you will know more after they meet about where things really stand.
Bottom line is you can't fix crazy, or stupid. It will make you crazy to try. You aren't married to this guy. You see the crazy that surrounds him because of his relationship with her. You can get out of it, if you want to. Don't get wrapped up in "not letting her win".
You can't fix this.
This past year she tried to
This past year she tried to put him in jail by saying he was stalking her. X-wife and her boyfriend were setting my boyfriend up and he spent $50,000 proving his innocence
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
He is an IDIOT if he meets her for ANY reason. Wow. Can not imagine this even being an option.
^^This^^
^^This^^
Your BF would have to be
Your BF would have to be crazy to even want to meet with this lady.
I would only communicate with her through email so that I could have proof of what was discussed. I for sure would not have a meeting with her.
If she calls I would always let her leave a message so I could see what is said I would never call her back unless absolutely necessary.
Before you marry this guy you need to make sure that he stops communicating with this crazy lady and feeding her craziness by giving or doing anything for her except what is court ordered.
Under "normal" circumstances,
Under "normal" circumstances, I would totally allow it. I will often meet my ex for breakfast with the kids to go over schedules during busy times/ holidays and/or to discuss issues that the kids' may be having.
In your case - especially given her history of setting him up and court - I would tell him to tell her that he's been advised by his lawyer to limit contact and communicate via email. Something like that.
Then she can express her concerns and he can thoughtfully reply.
Tell your husband
Tell your husband this:
"Honey, I know you and your x-wife want to be able to co-parent but after all that she is done, co-parenting is a pipe dream. You meeting her runs the risk of doing you AND your daughter more harm than good. You can talk to her through email or through a phone conversation with a scripted text. But at this stage, if you want to see her in private, you should only be doing that with your lawyer and her lawyer present in a controlled environment."
Under no circumstances should
Under no circumstances should he go. No way.
Your husband's EX-BITCH is
Your husband's EX-BITCH is just that-a bitch! I have been through 2 of the "coffee shop meetings", and ALL THIS IS is an ego stroker for the BM. she's trying to tell YOU that your boyfriend responds to her whims and doesn't care about your feelings. There is NO REASON why they can'r have a discussion over the phone! It's just plain disrespectful for her to request this and for him to agree to it. He needs to tell his ex right f-ing now that he isn't doing it. She probably wants to try to get him back. She's basically extorting him.
I can tell you this, after the last meeting my H had with the biological bitch, I made it perfectly clear that there will be no more meeting in person unless I am there! (the last meeting turned out to be bs invented by the SD)
And you're not allowed to go for pick-ups and drop offs? If you have any self-respect and if your boyfriend has any respect for you, your ass will be in that vehicle each and every time!!!
You can't let that crazy whore decide what you and your boyfriend will and will not do! You can't keep jumping through her hoops, and if you don't stop it now, you never will.
And spending that kind of money to clear his name? There would be one reason and one reason only I would meet that bitch alone if I were your boyfriend!