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Boyfriend and his son(s) make me sick and my son is suicidal; possible sexual abuse

missbliss's picture

My boyfriend is getting a divorce that will be finalized on October 5th. He has an 11 year old son who never goes to sleep, talks back, won't clean up after himself, masturbates, tells us he needs privacy, watches tv constantly, plays video games and my boyfriend tells him NOTHING. When I tell him to do things like take a shower after a week, clean up after himself, put dishes in the dishwasher, go to bed when it's 12 am on a school night, I get a conversation back OR he will go and ask for his dad. They have huge boundary issues and this is my house but he can't respect me ever. Then his drug addict mom has the nerve to say I'm too strict and when he comes back from a weekend with her, he is a terror.

I have two sons that are well behaved but the oldest suffers from autism. He really used to like my boyfriend until Monday. unbeknownst to me, My son, who is 19 and suffers from Asbergers, found a USB drive from my boyfriend. I got hoe and he was screaming that my boyfriend had to get out of the house (he wasn’t home) and started throwing chairs. My boyfriend’s 11 year old son was home and went into his bedroom. My other 15 year old son told him to stop screaming or he would hit him. My son kept screaming, they got into a fight, I pulled them apart and the next thing I knew, he went into his bedroom and I found him unresponsive. I panicked and drove him to the hospital and he tried to kill himself (they pumped his stomach).
His social worker called me over and asked me if my boyfriend’s step daughter from his ex wife was in the adult entertainment industry (my son and the ex step daughter are the same age). I said I didn’t know but I asked my boyfriend and he thought it was a strange question. Then boyfriend sent me an email stating that my son must have found a USB drive that he lost and that it came from a time in 2008 when his marriage was crumbling and he had an attraction for his step daughter. This means the step daughter was 15 or 16 years old at the time. I later asked my son about it and he saw hundreds of pornographic pictures of the step daughter having oral sex, which is why he was angry. He copied the files because he said he knew I wouldn't believe him. I just saw it and I was literally sickened.

There is a little background I forgot to add. The ex wife is, according to my boyfriend, a drug addict, left him and their 11 year old son and he essentially raised her other three children. There is a now 19 year old daughter (the one in the pictures), a 20 year old son and another 15 year old boy that I had to throw out of my house and he went back to live with his mother because he refused to talk to me in my own house and was playing violent games when my mother died and told my kids "so what" right when we came back home after watching her die from heart failure. He was rude, slovenly, and I just couldn't take it. My boyfriend moved in with me back in June because he couldn’t afford his house.
I am a teacher and am scared now because 1) I am risking my career as a mandated reporter if I say nothing and 2) he lives in my house and I’m scared to say or do anything and 3) his son is in my house and if I call the police on him, I do not know what to do with his son. His son is also very unruly and has no boundaries, never listens and my boyfriend never disciplines him. The 11 year old is constantly masturbating around the house and my boyfriend thinks it’s normal.
His family is very nice to me, my mother and father just died and I live in a city where he is essentially the only person I know here other than my kids. My sons want him out but I’m scared to thrown him out because it could be a misunderstanding and if I am wrong and maybe he took the pictures later, then I will look like a fool but his email to me clearly says that he had an attraction to his step daughter. The pictures go a lot further than attraction and are pretty sick. I wonder if he had an affair with his daughter.
I want him out of the house but I don’t want to see him anymore and I’m scared if I call the police they will tell me he has to stay in my house and I have to evict him. At this point, I don’t want to lay eyes on him and am getting sick at the thought of him around me. Maybe the age of 15 or 16 is consensual but they are not related by blood so maybe I’m overeating. My son is released from the hospital in a day and I’d like to have him out of the house but know that he will keep coming back.

Willow2010's picture

EWWW...EEWWWW....EEEWWWWW!!! Get him the F out of your house today. He is broken and so is his son.

Smomof3's picture

Toss him out...he's a sicko. Also, the constant masturbating by an 11 year old isn't normal. I'd call CPS.

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

If I were you I would GET OUT of this realationship NOW before that piece of shit starts rubbing off on YOUR 2 kids.

LEAVE! There are good men out there. Go find one!

RUN!

Pook's picture

The police would never say you have to evict him... he doesn't rent from you. Get some cops in to help, and get him out... with a locksmith on the ready to change the locks.

TODAY.

imjustthemaid's picture

Ok that is crazy!! My SD has a friend that is a boy. This boys father is currently in jail for having an affair with his sons 16 yr old girlfriend. This man is probably about 42 years old and he was having sex with his sons girlfriend. The mans wife found out and called the police.

I would run far away from all of this and run fast!!

VioletsareBlue's picture

>>>>THIS<<<< was exactly what I was thinking. WTF! I can't believe ANYONE would be questioning whether or not to kick this sicko out of her house and life. GET HIM OUT!

BSgoinon's picture

^^^THIS^^^
I can't believe you are even contemplating NOT calling the cops. Get out NOW and report this guy.

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

Tell your BF to pack up his shit and leave. Call the cops to escort them out.

You have no legal obligations to this loser and you could lose your job!

IAmALady77's picture

I don't know ANYWHERE that the age of consent is FIFTEEN! and even if it was, so effing what? That was his STEPDAUGHTER. As in practically his DAUGHTER. As in, someone, A CHILD that HE was responsible for and consent or not, COMPLETELY took advantage of her. This situation is disgusting. As for the pornography on his computer: really?! If she was underage that is prison time right there, even if she was over 18 (so he took the pictures last year??!!) thats still cutting it a bit close to your relationship dont you think?!

Why in the HELL would you want to be with someone that actually stated they were attracted to their STEPDAUGHTER.

I'm sorry sweetie but you need to get him the hell out of your house yesterday. Seriously pick up the phone right now and call the police.

Not Happening's picture

First, I hope your son is doing better. I'm sure that was unbelievably scary.

You have every right to feel sick, because it IS SICK.

"My sons want him out but I’m scared to thrown him out because it could be a misunderstanding and if I am wrong and maybe he took the pictures later, then I will look like a fool but his email to me clearly says that he had an attraction to his step daughter. The pictures go a lot further than attraction and are pretty sick. I wonder if he had an affair with his daughter."

^^^ What in the world do you mean it could be a misunderstanding? Make no mistake-- he has hundreds of pictures of his stepdaughter, performing sexual acts, and he has admitted being attracted to her. Regardless of when the pictures were taken, your boyfriend has them. Does it matter if she was 15, 16, 17, or 18? He was her Stepfather!!

I'm not even going to address the problem with his other beastly children, because in light of everything else it is minor. Gross, but minor.

Kick him and his nasty boys out, today. Call the police if you have to. No man is worth bringing this amount of sickness into your children's lives. Protect yourself and your boys, first.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I cannot imagine-- you have shown much more strength and composure than I would.

Aeron's picture

Call the cops and then call CPS. If the dad gets taken away, CPS takes the kid. He does not stay in your house if you don't want him there.

You are not overreacting. They may not be related by blood, but that in no way makes this remotely more okay. This is not some misunderstanding. You will only look like a fool if you continue to allow this man and his child to run rough-shod over you and your children.

He doesn't respect you. You could lose your job. Your child might kill himself. How on this planet can you ever think that kicking him out would make you look a fool?

Get this vile piece of filth out of your life.

If he 'keeps coming back' file harassment charges. This is not that hard, if you want him out of your life, you can make it happen. You just have to make up your mind that that's what you want, which is what sounds a little fuzzy to me in your post. Figure out what you believe - and I'm sorry but no one except a sick freak has a USB drive of pornography of a child that they cared for - I don't care what age the girl is in the photos; and then act on it.

The cops will not say you have to evict him. Particularly not if you tell them that he's caused your son to go suicidal or that it's because you found child porn in his possession. They will come help escort him out if that's what you want. Then change the locks. If you call the cops on the guy for child porn, you then call CPS - dude's son is not your responsibility.

It's intimidating, I get it. But it sounds like fear is what's standing in your way. Are you more afraid of being inconvenienced or of losing your son?

StickAFork's picture

What.
The.
Fuck.

I think I've now heard everything.

What I don't understand, is WHY THE HELL YOU'RE POSTING ON THE INTERNET instead of handling your business!
You're a mother. Priority #1.
You are living with a f*cking pedophile. Priority #2.

There is so much wrong here, I just can't process it all.
I had "tough times" in my marriage and NEVER, EVER thought of f*cking my SS.
Your BF has KEPT this PROOF for years now. WHY, oh why, do you think he may have done that?!?

Sorry. I don't get this. Why the hell are you even "thinking" instead of "doing?" You pick up the phone, call the cops, hand them the USB, change the damn locks, and focus on your sons.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

I hope the SW has reported it; I am a SW and believe me, it would have been reported.

The woman you call that individual's picture

^^^^^^^I agree with SAF and Echo....What the hell is OP thinking. Get the POS out of your house NOW!!!

StepKidto3Momto3's picture

Most states have an age of consent at 16 or 17 but that age jumps to 18/19 if the sex is with an authority figure.

Either way, OP needs to get him out of her house. She can call The cops about the pictures and get a RO which will remove him from the home faster than any eviction process (although she should still formally evict him as well).

OP.....even with Autism, your sons reaction was extreme. Is there a chance the your boyfriend or his stepdaughter did sexual things with your son? I would ask the police for someone from their special victims unit to do a special interview with him.

kathc's picture

Go get a restraining order, call the police, change the locks, call cps to come take his kid.

smarmy's picture

^^^THIS!

I hope to God this is a troll post and no one is seriously crazy enough to think about staying with someone in this situation!! :sick:

misSTEP's picture

Me too. I hope for the sake of all that is holy, this poster is pulling a Crew.

How in the HELL could you even contemplate having a monster like this in your life, much less your children's lives?!? This is way past any blended family issue.

Ashleystepmom's picture

Dear missbliss,

I wish I can give you a hug right now.

I had a loved one committed suicide and it took me almost my entire teenage life to work through my emotions. The aftermath of a loved one's suicide is tremendous. Please don't be blinded by your boyfriend, his troubled son, his problems. They are NOT your concern, they shouldn't be your priority. Your first and foremost responsibility is your son who tried to commit suicide. You don't want to become a suicide survivor, trust me. You don't want to go to a suicide survivor support group to work through the guilt, what ifs, if onlys, pain, depression. Don't be left behind.

If Someone close to you has died. Your grief would be intensified because the death was a suicide. The healing process will be painful and often seem unnaturally slow.

Why would anyone willingly hasten or cause his or her own death? Mental health professionals who have been searching for years for an answer to that question generally agree that people who took their own lives felt trapped by what they saw as a hopeless situation. Whatever the reality, whatever the emotional support provided, they felt isolated and cut off from life, friendships, etc. Even if no physical illness was present suicide victims felt intense pain, anguish, and hopelessness. John Newer, author of After Suicide, says, "He or she probably wasn't choosing death as much as choosing to end this unbearable pain."

The single most important risk factor of future suicide is Previous Suicide Attempt. Your son is not crying wolf, he was tormented by pain and mental anguish. He needs help. My heart breaks for him. My lost loved one has tried to kill himself and nobody has ever taken him seriously. I know hindsight is always 20/20, but if I knew what i know now, I would have done everything I could to save my loved one.

Please, save your son, he needs your help.

I will keep your son and yourself in my prayers. Sad

Erin005's picture

Call. The. Fucking. Police. NOW!

That you are even contemplating keeping him around is disgusting to me. He is a peadophile and in posseession of child pornography and now so are you. Even if it was consentual (which it isn't at 15) it's still statutory rape. I sincerly hope you loose your job if you dont report this.

Auberry2's picture

Report this. The police will arrest him, CPS will take care of his son, and your only concern at this point needs to be your children. You should not have to evict a pedophile from your home, the cops should remove him and give him transport to his new home, the jail, where he can await trial. Get your kids, leave the house, call the cops and tell them everything, or go to the local police station yourself to report it. If there is proof that he took them after she was of age, well, then that's that, but you did your job in reporting it. Even if she was of age, what scumbag take x-rated photos of his stepdaughter. That's disgusting.
There shouldn't even be a question as to what you should do. What happens if it is your 15 year old son or one of his friends next? Besides,

reallifedrama's picture

You're scared ton get in trouble for not reporting because you are a teacher?????????

You're not scared because your "man" is a pedophile, and your son tried to kill himself???? I am confused about this.

The cops will not only allow you to get rid of him, I'm sure they'll provide him with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a place to stay! You are OBLIGATED to report this. If I remember nothing else from my time in college, I absolutely remember the obligation to report child abuse. It is ABUSE for an adult to sleep with a FIFTEEN year old CHILD!

Call the police. Give them the drive, get that freak out of your house, and get your son some help for what he has witnessed. You have a child to focus on that is in critical condition right now-THAT should be your focus.

No need to worry about what will happen to your BF, you obviously had a thought that it was abuse or you wouldn't have asked and that makes you obligated to report it. Your not a judge or jury. If they think he didn't do anything wrong, then that's on them. You KNOW he did.

giveitago's picture

I really hope, too, that this is a hoax posting. If it's not then the poster seriously needs to re evaluate her priorities, NO ROOM FOR DOUBT!!

Lalena75's picture

If you defend this sexual predator you will lose everything! Your kids your home and your job. I guarantee the social worker has likely reported it however yo are still required to do so as well.

doll faced sm's picture

Are we being crewed? This is just so out there.

Not that I beleive pedophiles don't exist, but I'm having a hard time swallowing the I-just-don't-know-what-to-do thing. I mean, seriously, lots of pics of a 15 year old performing sex acts? Child pornography carries *heavy* prison time with it, if he won't leave by way of throwing him out, call the Feds.

Yeah, this one is such a no-brainer that I'm thinking us = crewed.

smarmy's picture

I'm thinking the same thing...O/P is probably reading through all of these posts laughing....at least I hope so!! Still way better than this insanity being true!

ctnmom's picture

Are you so desparate for a man that you would put your kids in this situation? I'm sorry and I know I'll probably get flagged, but you Maam are a shitty parent and you don't deserve your kids. Disgusting, your post literally made me nauseuos.

dispiritedstepmom2011's picture

lets all report it. if the b**** is lying about this, then she'sll get int rouble for being stupid. }:) if she isnt lying then we all took part in saving her sons life.