BM is spreading rumors about me...what can i do?
some background info, I get along good with sd14 now, although i know in the past when dh wasn't spending hardly any time with her she blamed me for it and called me some pretty bad names and accused me of being a bar whore in a txt msg to dh (I never went anywhere but to work then or now with 2 toddlers and now a toddler and 2 preschoolers). I know she blamed me because bm was telling her I was trying to keep them a part and I was jealous, also sent in a txt msg to dh. I had nothing to do with him not spending time with her and in fact we would fight because I believed sd was doing some of the premature sex acts at 11 and 12 because he wasn't around enough, so I was actually fighting for her though she didn't know it then. She knows it now, but I worry about the latest rumors bm has been spreading to mutual friends and what sd believes. SD gets a lot of info from bm that she shouldn't hear about at her age and it appears she tends to believe her and likes passing on the raunchy rumors.
My best friend is a guy I met when I moved to the area I'm at now about 12 years ago. It's no secret that at some point he ha a crush on me, but he no longer does at least since I got married 7 years ago. It's also obvious that he cares about me, but strictly as a concerned friend. Well my best friend dated bm last year for about 8 months against my advice and we didn't talk much then, which I found out later was because bm was jealous and thought he might cheat on her with me (even though I was married and pregnant with my 3rd child). He pretty much wasn't allowed to hang out with any of his friends or be around her best friend, his friend also, because she was so insecure and believed he'd cheat on her even though he never gave her a reason to doubt him. When they broke up she accused him of having an affair with him and began spreading the rumor around. She even said it to me at one point when she texted me trying to get me to fight with her. I told her that was ridiculous and said sarcastically "oh yeah, all the time when I was big and pregnant". I guess she realized that didn't fly and I heard last that now the rumor is my best friend told bm best friend directly that we have been having an affair since dh and I first met.
DH let me know of the latest rumor when one of his friends passed on the info to him. DH said his friend seemed convinced cuz his source said they got it from his friend who is dating bm best friend. (getting confusing?) Any way, dh does not believe the rumors and has tried to fix the damage with people he knows. dh can be naive and doesn't think sd knows, but I know better since she talks to me a lot more and shares all kinds of rumors bm tells her. she hasn't brought it up, but I know she's had to have heard about it cuz bm tells her everything.
What should I do? I want to make it clear that the rumors bm is spreading are completely false. I don't need to tell her that it's because bm is a crazy person who is jealous of me, but I want to make it clear. I never go anywhere without my 3 kids, so I'm home a lot and the rumors seem ridiculous to me and sd knows this, but she seems to believe everything bm says.
Any advice on how to approach this would be great! Also, just needed to vent, sorry for rambling!
I would talk to sd alone,
I would talk to sd alone, look her in the face and say, "I have never tried to keep you apart, I could'nt even if I wanted too, I understand that you and your father are a package and I am happy with that, this is a promise", don't critisise bm to her in anyway, just speak for yourself, I know it hurts that you are being lied about, bm is threatened by you and no doubt jealous. In time because you are you are, sd will come to see that you are not the enemy, at the moment she would rather beieve that you are, rather than her mother and it must have been hard not to see her father. At 14 she is still a little child really and is easily influenced by her bitch of a mother, good luck x.
If the rumor has hurt you
If the rumor has hurt you financially or damaged your reputation in someway I would consider suing her for defamation. That is bullshit and I can NOT STAND women that still think they are in highschool. In the mean time, just hold your head high and let it slide over you. YOU know what is true and that is all that matters.
If it comes up, just say it's
If it comes up, just say it's a lie. Then change the subject.
Making a big deal out of it will just make people think it's true and that you have something to hide.
The first thing I would do is
The first thing I would do is not be around your male best friend or any other male without your husband present (even if the kids are present). Don't give a reason for other people to tell lies. If you want to visit with your best friend invite him over for lunch/dinner when your DH is home. Eventually SD and others will see that you all are friends and I think it will be dropped. I would not bring it up unless your SD or someone else did at that point I would state it is a lie, we are friends and let it go.
All good advice. Thank you. I
All good advice. Thank you. I haven't mentioned it to anyone besides the people closest to me because I assumed it would make it seem like I brought it up because there was some merit to what BM has been saying. Those closest to me know that it's all a lie and think she's an idiot for doing this. I have no doubt that BM is jealous because nothing else makes sense as an excuse for starting these rumors. I think she's probably just miserable in her own life and is jealous of any woman she knows that has it even slightly better than her, because I'm not the only one she talks about to her daughter; SD and I get along really well now and we genuinely enjoy each others company. I think you guys are right, I won't bring it up to SD and if she does I'll say it's not true and leave it at that.
There's so much more I could say about BM, but I don't want to get myself worked up over all the crazy stuff she says or does right now. I'm sure I'll be back to vent soon. I don't let her actions get to me anymore usually, but some of the stuff this woman does makes you think "do you have no shame" or "OMG I hope SD knows that BM's behavior is not normal". I feel sorry for SD because she doesn't get to grow up with an awesome mom whose life revolves around her children like I did (my mom is truly an amazing woman), but rather a mom whose main focus is looking for happiness through numerous boyfriends, dragging her kids along from house to house, and many many pain mgmt doctors who like prescribing her pain meds (which SD knows BM takes because "when mommy runs out she is in a bad mood and stays in bed").
As with all false rumors
As with all false rumors acknowledging them is the worst thing one can do. You and your husbands reaction when hearing of rumors is to say "Consider the source" and nothing else.
People who believe them are not your friends and your friends won't believe them. The quicker you ignore them the quicker people find something else to talk about.