Being The Invisible SM
I just posted my first topic about SD19 moving in with us....for the first time in my marriage I now feel insignificant and invisible. Mainly because DH and SD expect me to carry out the typical Motherly roles in our household and I DO.....but I'm not acknowledged or appreciated for anything.
I threw SD19 a big birthday party for her 19th in January and took tons of pictures of the event. I posted the picture to my FB page and had tagged SD in the album which she untagged and then proceeded to post ALL of the B-Day Bash pic on her FB and Instagram accounts, all EXCEPT any pictures with me in them. She put special little captions with each person too, "Like Father, Like Daughter" with DH's pics, "My brother, I love him so much" of her cousin, etc etc. But I was left out like I didn't exist.
When we go out as a family SD acts fine, if I go out with her alone...she's aloof, non-talkative and stays glued to her phone. If DH gets something or does something for SD she thanks him and behaves grateful. If I do it, she just acts entitled without a thank you.
Last week for example, SD had her monthly visitor. I had to go to the store so I bought her a nice Lindt candy bar (as like most of us, we want sweets and chocolate during that time lol). A simple but kind gesture because I was trying to be thoughtful towards her. I gave it to her upon arriving home. Not a word.....next thing I know the little shit had posted a picture of the candy bar on her Instagram page and wrote, "My Dad is seriously the best! Just what I needed!" Openly and blatantly dissing my act of kindness, giving her Dad credit and totally going without acknowledging me, knowing damn good and well I did it and I could see her Instagram feed!
I have no idea what to do or how to feel about this. I'm just sick and tired of being ignored and overlooked. SD constantly asks DH to shoot basketball with her....to play Xbox, to do this and that but NEVER once has asked me to do anything, yet I stay at home and I'm here with her all day and fully accessible.
^^^^THIS!!!!^^^^ WHAT a
^^^^THIS!!!!^^^^ WHAT a little BITCH!!! Don't do another thing for her, treat her like she is the invisible guest...she is NOT there! This one got my blood boiling a bit!
Thank you so much! Your
Thank you so much! Your comment was incredibly sweet and made me feel better in a sense, because you're the first person to ever acknowledge me trying and being sweet and doing everything I can for her.
I do it because deep down I want to be accepted and liked and respected by her. I'm kidding myself. What you said about her shitting on me and being the puppet made me realize what I now know I was in denial about. It's been in the back of my mind but I didn't want to accept it. It has run through my mind that she intentionally does this to hurt me and watch me struggle/suffer just to see how she can break me down and what she can get away with.
"she intentionally does this
"she intentionally does this to hurt me and watch me struggle/suffer just to see how she can break me down and what she can get away with."
^^This is exactly what she is doing. You are going to have to tell DH everything you have done, everything she has done in response to your kind gestures, and demand that he put her in her place.
^^^And again, she is
^^^And again, she is right^^^
I swear, you're gonna think I'm stalking you Echo...I really am
I'm from Detroit, I know how
I'm from Detroit, I know how to dodge bullets
Strix, a sincere thank you
Strix, a sincere thank you for your compliment. Everyone who knows me and knows what I have been through and done the last five years recognizes my efforts and sees how great I've done EXCEPT of course, SDs, their BMs and BMs family.
Instagram does hurt...so does Facebook and Twitter. I have both my SDs as friends on these social networking sites so sadly...I'm not spying. That's makes me this so bad! SD19 KNEW I would see that!
Pssh I agree with all other
Pssh I agree with all other posters, stop now. The nerve! That little bitch obviously has entitlement issues and needs to figure out that you don't need to do anything for her. This pisses me off, I'm sorry you're going thru this :: hugs ::
I did confront her in front
I did confront her in front of her Dad. I spoke to DH about it the day after this had happened and explained my hurt and anger (the Instagram/Candy bar fisaco) and DH point blank looked her in the face in the kitchen and told her that she needed to remove that picture or edit her comment because she KNEW it was me not him.....she opted to delete it rather than to change her comment. So, yeah goes to show how she feels about me I guess.
I agree with the disengaging.
I agree with the disengaging. I myself have done it (to the best of my ability) with my SK's who are late teens.
The one stumbling block I had... for quite a while I would try to discuss my feelings with DH -- how I felt being the odd one out, how it felt to be totally ignored in my home, etc. Two valuable lessons I learned from that:
1) DH of course didn't want to see, let alone acknowledge/address those less than desirable behavior traits in his darlings so I was always met with "what the hell do you want me to do about it?" See, they were never (except for breaking a rule of no food in the bedrooms) outwardly defiant towards me. I'm just invisible to them. The things they would do would be really low key(cutting me off at the door, interrupting me every once in a while, tending to slink out of a room after I walked in)
2) Even IF DH would have said something to them, nothing would have changed. In fact, it probably would have escalated because they would have then known it bothered me.
I don't know how things are with you and your DH -- is he one to bury his head, or see thru the bullshit and truly understand that your SD is doing what she's doing?
If she wants war give it to
If she wants war give it to her. I'll bet you can make her life MISERABLE.
Better yet kick her ass out.
My SD16 is just like that,
My SD16 is just like that, except even when we are all together she still ignores me. I know it hurts, you sound a little like me. I love to do nice little things for others (like the candy bar) and I truly don't expect something in return. Ok, I think a thank you is appropriate.
I can't tell you how many times my gestures were ignored/taken for granted, how down right rude she was to me. But not anymore. She no longer exists to me. Best thing I ever did was to totally disengage. You may have to for your sanity and marriage.
So sorry to hear you are going through this.