Battles getting boyfriends daughter to eat
My boyfriend’s daughter is 7 and she complains constantly and its a battle to get her to eat. She finds a reason not to eat everything. She whines, she picks at her food and ruins mealtimes.
I have a 9 week old baby and don’t have time, energy or patience to deal with her. My boyfriend used to fill her up with juice boxes and lunchables but theres no money for stuff like that now. We tell her if she doesn’t eat what’s on her plate she can’t have snacks or dessert. But it hasn’t worked because shes here for a short time. She holds out until she goes back to her mom.
She is here every other week from Fri evening to Sun afternoon. The problems always start on Sat morning. On Sun she’s hungry but she goes home to her mom so there’s no incentive for her to do what she’s told.
Her behavior gets worse and worse the closer she is to going back to her mom. It’s like 36 hours of hell twice a month.
My first thought: why do you
My first thought: why do you care? It's not your responsibility. ESPECIALLY with a new baby! Focus on that baby, DH and yourself. Thats ALL youre required to care about.
I don't care about her but
I don't care about her but she's such drama queen and causes so many problems and noise.
I know she needs consistency
I know she needs consistency and eventually she'll get tired of it and do as she's told but I'm running out of patience. This has been happening since my boyfriend and I moved in together 6 months ago. She screams because shes hungry but she don't eat what's on her plate.
Everyone caters to her and gives her what she wants everywhere else. He only has her every other week so it's not alot of time to make any changes.
She won't drink water too. She only wants juice. But even when she's beet red she won't drink water. She's going to pass out from heat stroke wiht how hot its been. She doesnt get it at all.
It's also not a lot of time
It's also not a lot of time for her to become malnourished. Dehydration is not something I'd want for a child though. I'd buy a type of healthy juice, not sodas, and keep that in the refrigerator for her. Powerade or gatorade? One battle at a time, right? Once you get the food issue sorted then you can say water is the giver of life, explain to her how much WATER she needs and takes in reality, rain is water that makes things grow, the juice she has originates from WATER, if she deyhdrates ask her to guess what she'd get in that little baggie at hospital if she went in sick because her body did not have enough WATER in it! Yep WATER with nutrients.
I would also cut up a watermelon and give her slices of that, it's fruit and mostly WATER! LOL
She gets nothing out of doing
She gets nothing out of doing this from us. My boyfriend doesn’t break down and give her stuff she wants. We don’t have it. He sends her to her room when she is being a brat because he doesnt want to deal with her.
She screams and screams and screams in her room by herself. He doesn’t reward her behavor or give her any attention. We ignore her and she throws even bigger tantrums.
Her mom gives her what she wants and she doesn’t get that her dad isnt going to do that anymore.
She blames her dad for her being hungry not her being a spoiled brat. She says her daddy is mean to her because he never gives her anything she likes and doesn’t make special things for her. I don’t know how much time it will take for things to click since she’s here so little. I can’t take much more of this.
Next time he sends her to her
Next time he sends her to her room he should tell her that he better hear her crying for the next 20 minutes. It is no fun to cry when a parent tells you you have to.
Hi, I am new here and as such
Hi, I am new here and as such not sure if my comments are welcome, but just wanted to say I can totally understand the hassle around meal times, my SD will not eat normal foods, wont even try anything green, if it isnt Mcdonalds then she isnt eating eat, where as my two BD eat what I serve without complaint and stand by watching his precious princess dictate what she will and wont eat, he just will not grow a set and let her go without a meal, then what makes my blood boil is when he finally makes what she wants to eat he sits down and stares at the TV while she pushes the food around her plate even lifting an empty fork to her mouth several times and then hops down from the table and tips it in the bin and stands in front of him and in her most sickly baby voice possible says, daddy can i have pudding now I ate as much as I could daddy I promise, ARGGGGGGGGHHHHHH makes me mad enough to combust on the spot, so I dont eat near her or with her any more the it cant stress me out.
I am new here also. I have
I am new here also. I have similar concerns. My SD will only talk to me if she needs something and will only visit if he dad is home or my grandkids are over. My SS will not respond to me in any way and he will only visit his dad if he knows I am not home. It truly breaks my heart because I try so hard to show them that I love them. My husband lets them treat me this way because he is afraid he will have no relationship with them at all if he stick up for me. There mom is a pretty harsh woman and degrades them horribly if she finds out they talk to me. I could use some good advice.
That sounds aweful, I wish I
That sounds aweful, I wish I knew what to sugest, Sounds to me like you might need to professional advice and counselling maybe to help you deal with this difficult situation. I can understand his fears but children shouldnt be used as weapons and their BM needs to hear that from him
Hope it gets better for you and them
I would pick your battles. I
I would pick your battles. I went thru this. I went thru hell before finally stopping trying. Then I would try to always make a side of mac n cheese at dinner because often, that was all SD would eat. It is cheap and easy and it make sure she eats something. Or a piece of fruit, yogurt, applesauce, etc. As long as it is easy and cheap and she gets some kind of nourishment. If she still refuses, at least you tried to be fair. My SD eventually tried and liked some new things. She is still a bit picky, but the things she does like aren't super healthy (of course) and she has put on some weight. The days of thin and picky are gone. However, with drinking, is it possible to get her to try bottled water with koolaid or mio or something. It is sugar free, tastes good and is still mostly water...? My 2 cents...Oh and if you cant afford bottled, get one bottle and let her use it with tap water because kids love having bottles over cups, it makes their drink "special" or a special cup?
When they got a little older,
When they got a little older, we implemented the "one bite rule" where all kids have to try one bite of a food they won't eat, and if they really don't like it, then they didn't have to eat it. Skids and biokid. Not worth the stress of the battle!
I don't have any advice or
I don't have any advice or suggestions.....I had the opposite problem with my ss. He ate EVERYTHING! Lol! I feel for you, though...my bio son nitpicks about my food, and it p!sses me off. You don't want to stand in the kitchen, lovingly prepare a meal for your family, then have some picky brat complain about it! That sucks.
SD7 ate nothing but cheerios
SD7 ate nothing but cheerios and corn before I came on the scene. LITERALLY nothing, but cheerios and corn. This was the issue I decided just wasn't worth my time. It made me so angry!! And I'm not really even sure why! So I stopped eating with her. I try to avoid meals together. If they are going somewhere to eat I usually find an excuse not to go. She has expanded her intake to include chicken nuggets and mac and cheese. Baby steps right?! I don't wanna have meals together anyway because she is so revolting at the table. So it's a nice break for me! I have whatever I want, they go away for a while, and I don't even care what she ate or if she ate at all! It's DH's problem now. And if it's not a problem as far as he's concerned, that's good enough for me!
My SS when he was 11 had a
My SS when he was 11 had a tough time with food. It was a control issue for him. We did not have him here much either - but we made it very understandable to him that we would make meals, include something that he liked, and he was to always join us at the table. If he decided not like what we prepared, he was welcome to make for himself, ahead of time and ready when the rest of us sat down, something of his choosing on a list of foods we had available to him that he agreed he liked. It was matter of fact, no drama, no power struggles, etc. He also knew he was allowed privileges as soon as he ate and cleaned up after himself. We can also put the children in charge of one meal a week (choosing, shopping, preparing, serving), which helps them to be involved and helps YOU as well - you have enough to do with a bitty one and the child is 7 and probably mature and responsible enough to help the family this way.
SS just turned 19 & is JUST
SS just turned 19 & is JUST now willing to try new foods. He lived on chicken nuggets, Buddig Turkey sandwiches (no crust), hot dogs (plain with no bun) & french fries, & Chef Boyardee Spaghetti & Meatballs (but wouldn't eat the meatballs).
It's ridiculous. I know for the 2 years I was with DH while he had them it was a battle E.V.E.R.Y. night. When he went back to BM he settled back into it. She's just as picky.
When we go out to eat now he'll make an announcement of what he's tried new since we saw him last. He's like a kid bringing home a star sticker on a school paper.
"Hey dad, I tried cheese." Then he sits with this proud look on his face like he's waiting for the applause.
It's ridiculous.
""Hey dad, I tried cheese."
""Hey dad, I tried cheese." Then he sits with this proud look on his face like he's waiting for the applause."
holy shit. please tell me you're exaggerating. :O
She is only here for the
She is only here for the weekend. She’s hungry Sat morning but she is too stupid to eat if she’s hungry. She’s miserable and cranky the whole time. Even animals know to eat if its hungry but she won’t because she knows she gets what she wants when she goes back to her mom.
Ugh.. meal time is always a
Ugh.. meal time is always a battle in our house. Like last night. I spent over an hour making dinner (and I hate to cook), and SD13 refused to come out of her room to eat, even though DH gave her plenty of chances. SD11 complained about trying the vegetables and said they were "disgusting". If I had dared to say that about my mom's cooking at the table, my dad would have backhanded me out of my chair. My son, who is a mere 3yo, tries new foods with less drama than these kids. It's freaking ridiculous.
THEN, SD13 gets on the phone with her BM and tells her that DH wouldn't LET her come and eat. Of course, BM then gets on the phone with DH and accuses him of child abuse and threatens to call a law guardian and have him charged. He even put SS8 and SD11 on the phone with her and they flat out told her that SD13 had lied to her, and she still threatened to call him on child abuse. WTF. I am at the point of telling everyone to make their own f-ing dinner at night now.
I know, right!? Yeah, she
I know, right!? Yeah, she wouldn't come eat. And then lied and said he wouldn't LET her eat. He said from now on they can't refuse to come eat dinner... SS8 did it the other day because I had made a creamy chicken dish to go on pasta... took me over an hour JUST to make that chicken dish. SS8 threw a huge fit b/c he's super picky and didn't want to eat the chicken, even though everyone was telling him how good it was. He just wants pasta. DH told him he had to try it or couldn't eat. He opted not to eat.
But now since they lie to their BM about it so it creates drama, he said they can't refuse to eat. I give this new decree about four days... He said discipline and food are BM's biggest triggers, and thus far, any new 'rules' he makes about food last about one day. Seriously. Then she waves around the magic words "If you do that, I'm taking you to court" and he rolls over.
When I was their age, if I said and did and acted the way they did, I would have been back handed out of my seat.
BM told sd4 not to eat at my
BM told sd4 not to eat at my house so it would be a whole weekend of fighting and crying to get her to eat BM denied this but then one day sd decided to eat and starts giggling at the table saying my mom doesn't know I'm eating wtf really???? It has gotten a bit better not much cus daddy gives into her
Oh yes, I had that one too!
Oh yes, I had that one too! SS9 said to OH one day (when refusing to come to the table to eat) "mum says I don't have to eat anything SHE cooks, that mum will make me a NICE tea when I get home..."
This kid eats sausages in bread and chocolate spread on bread rolls for tea most nights, (or nuggets and chips from maccas) Not in my house sweetheart!
OH called BM out on it and she denied it - but who knows. Kid is getting better and now trying my food and starting to eat. Baby steps but OMG the BM's don't help!
YES!! That is where I am at
YES!!
That is where I am at with the skids and their food manipulation issues!
I cook it, one meal only, you eat it or not - your choice. No options, no extras and you can bet your dam arse no dessert if you don't make an effort.
They have reached the point where they are sick of watching my girls (who KNOW what the fuck good manners and acceptable behaviours are) eat their tea and get dessert and are now coming to the party and eating what is put in front of them.
SD12 will still spend the hour before dinner texting her dad begging him to make her something else etc - fuck that. OH KNOWS which side his bread is buttered on
He just shuts her down, tells her what is for tea and there are no other options.
Little cow went and flushed half her meal down the loo the other day - I called her on it and she denied it, but I walked past and she had the door open and was watching something go down! Told OH and he was pretty pissed.
She will not be leaving my table to go to the loo again til her dinner is finished.
I just read about this in my
I just read about this in my local community parenting magazine that I picked up. The doctor told the mother to completely ignore the child throughout the entire meal if she would not eat. He said, DO NOT FOR ANY REASON give her any attention about it and if she throws a fit, she goes to her room until the rest of the family is finished eating. At that time, she comes back to the table and sits alone until she has eaten. I went through this with SS who was 7 at the time. I did pretty much exactly what the doctor said and he had not eaten by bedtime so he went to bed without eating and his food went in the fridge. He got his cold dinner back at breakfast, the cycle repeated and he was sent to his room and told to sit on his bed and read until he was ready to eat his food. It was not very long before he came out ready to eat his food and we went almost a year before we had to repeat the cycle. That was the last time. They do it for the attention, DO NOT GIVE THEM ATTENTION.