appropriate age to sleep alone

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SS6 (4-5 months ago) started sleeping in his own bedroom, he used to always sleep in the extra bed we have in our bedroom, but recently he has been coming in to our bedroom during the night, climbs into bed with us (even though there is another bed beside our bed) and i am a very light sleeper so i always wake up, my DH doesnt, SS also snores very loudly so it makes it hard for me to fall back asleep.
he sleeps in his own bedroom with no problems at BM,
ive talked to DH about how this effects my mental health cause i never get good sleep when hes here, and therefore don't have as much energy to partake in their activities when hes here, and DH kind of resents the fact that i have to sleep in until noon when hes here (SS usually gets up at 6-7 am, is hyperactive)
DH thinks im over reacting and i feel like he doesnt think i should have a say in this matter.
i know all children and families are different, but i cant remeber climbing into bed with my parents past the age of 4
So, when do you think is the appropriate age to really start training children to sleep in their own bedrooms?

It's appropriate the second

It's appropriate the second there is a person not related to the child in the bed.

Of course he should be on his

Of course he should be on his own at 6, you know that - and he's capable of it because he does it at BM's. And as SteppedOut said, you should not be in bed with a child who is not your own.

Your DH is being selfish and lazy and honestly, he sounds like a terrible partner. What kind of man lets his kid keep his wife up all night and then blames her for sleeping in to catch up on her sleep?

I'd move into a guest room until he got his kid out of the bed, or until I decided whether to leave entirely.

Birth. A lot of babies sleep

Birth. A lot of babies sleep in the, well, baby room. It is by no means necessary for a child to sleep with parents. The parents can choose to let the child sleep with them. You have not chosen this, it negatively affects you, and your husband doesn't care. He is putting his own wants above yours. Yes, your husband's own wants. Because his child will not be harmed by sleeping in their own bed. Your husband has no problem with the fact that you are being harmed, though.

Agreed, in fact - it's

Agreed, in fact - it's harmful to the child to continue to allow him not to learn to sleep alone, and to give him mixed messages about it from both of his parents. DH is just too lazy to make him go back to his own bed, so he'd rather gaslight his wife and make it her fault.

I'd be in the guest room so fast his head would spin. 30 seconds after the kid crawled in bed with me.

Yes

XH and I agreed on that completely. No kid in our room. Ever.

If he wants to sleep with his

If he wants to sleep with his kid, let him go and sleep in his room. But there is no way that child should be in YOUR bed. So what's it to be DuH, wanna sleep with your child or your wife, huh?

Welcome to the site!

The child should be sleeping in his own room, of course, at age 6. My babies slept in my room until they ceased night breast feeding - thereafter in their own room. Your DH sounds like a knob head if he's trying to make YOU out to be the bad guy in this.

Take the extra bed out of

Take the extra bed out of your room. He has a bed in his room.

If you are the one that wakes up, guide SS back to his bed.

i

i have suggested removing the extra bed but SO doesnt want that..
i also dont feel comfortable having to guide him back to bed, ive tried to before, telling him to go back to his room, but he just argued and got into the extra bed in our bedroom anyway, and i just dont feel like i have the right to tell him what to do you know.. i dont want to have to be the disciplinarian to a kid that isnt mine. this lack of sleep for me is just really affecting my relationship with SS and causing me to disengage EOW, which i dont want, cause i really care for the kid, i just dont have the mental stamina for dealing with a hyperactive kid after a shitty night of sleep

Frankly, I wouldn't care what

Frankly, I wouldn't care what DH wanted, that bed would be out of my bedroom the next day. Is there room for it in the child's room?

How do you think BM would react if she knew her kid was sleeping in the same room as you (or even in the same bed)? Bet she'd call CPS ASAP ...

Seriously. Frankly, SO AND

Seriously. Frankly, SO AND the extra bed would be out of my bedroom. If he wants to sleep with his son, he can do it in the boy's room.

Your SO doesn't want anything to be done, except for you to stop complaining and let him do whatever he wants. Is he always so selfish?

My DD is a few months old;

My DD is a few months old; she sleeps in our room (in her own bassinet) only because the AAP recommends that babies sleep in the room with the parents for the first 6 months to a year. When she outgrows the bassinet in a couple months, she'll be moving into her crib in her own room. Neither DH nor I want her in our room any longer than necessary.

OTOH, when I met DH the skids (then 1 and 3, now 4 and 7) were sleeping with him. They also slept with BM at her house. I think this is a COD thing. I told DH that there would be no skids in the bed if I was staying over, so that was DH's impetus to move them into their own room. The SDs still sleep with each other, which is A-OK with me.

So in my world, kids should not be in the bed, or even the room, with the parents after they're a year old (unless there's not another room for them, of course). BUT . . . I do recognize that others feel differently, and some people do the family bed and are fine with kids in their room. If that's OK with both parents, that's their prerogative. But once unrelated partners come into the picture, I just don't think it's right. In your situation, I'd move into the guest room. There is no how, no way that I would be sleeping in the room with an unrelated little boy. No good can come of that.